My First Mother's Day!

Today is my first legitimate Mother's Day as a mom. I have to admit that I was a bit weepy most of they day. It's just that it's been such a long journey. I get caught up in the joy of having Lily that I forget what it was like before.

Last Mother's day, when I was expecting her, was exciting, but a little awkward. I was still timid about celebrating, and fearful that something bad might happen. The ones for several years before that were painful.

Today, though, all of my tears were joyful. The first tears today were as I set this morning nursing her when she woke up (she slept until 9!) and just marveling at having her in my arms.

The next were on the way to church after talking to my family and remembering some great memories with my own mom! Then there were tears during church singing "there is mourning in the night, but joy comes in the morning!" Those words just rang so true about so many aspect of motherhood!

The middle of the day was fairly tear free as we went out to lunch with friends, then Josh watched Lily so I could have a nap! Tonight Josh and I took dinner to friends who have a two week old baby. Don't get me wrong, there are some things (mainly the inconsolable crying) that I don't miss about having a tiny one, but the snuggliness is nice. Josh, knowing that I was thinking about how fast Lily is growing, just had to point out how before you know it she'll be going away to college! I can't even imagine and choose not to!

As joyful as they are, hopefully those, well actually the ones I cry as I write this, will be my last tears of the day!

Cousins!

This past weekend Lily and I went to Virginia to visit family. It was a great trip. She travels very well and it was really good to get to see everyone, even if it was brief. All of her grandparents were surprised to see how she is changing and growing up. It's funny but because I see her every day, I almost don't notice how much stronger and more active she is now.

One of the most exciting and fun parts of the weekend was watching Lily "play" with her cousin Jesse. They are starting to get to the point that they can interact. It's super cute! I've posted some pictures of them playing together.

The only issue is that Jesse is used to having Granna, Deano (What Jesse calls my parents), and Mama all to himself! At one point, when Lily was on Hillary's lap, he went over to "hug" her, but actually tried to drag Lily off of his mom's lap! (check out the look on his face in the anove picture!) When I took Lily out to tell my dad goodnight Jesse pushed her away and told her that HE was playing with Deano! When we tried to get them to have their picture taken together and Jesse refused.

He did however want her to come "sleep" in the tent with him and showed her how his puzzle and blocks work. They both enjoyed playing bumper cars with the walkers. I figure they have years of a love/hate relationship in front of them. I only pray that in the end it works out to be love!

Identity Crisis

Monday was Lily's seven month birthday. I know I say this every month, but time seems to be flying by. She is so precious. But you know what...I realized something recently. I think I'm having a identity crisis.

I think that for the last seven months my only real role has been "mother". Don't get me wrong, I love that role, but I'm starting to enjoy taking on some new roles. I've returned to work and am back in charge of my classroom and enjoying the role of "teacher". I've been trying to get back into the swing of work which has been tougher than I expected. This week, for the first time, I feel like I was actually a "good" teacher and contributing member of the team.

I've also been doing more socially with and even without Lily. I've left her with Josh several times to "go out" and I'm enjoying that freedom. I even spent four hours at a salon last Thursday (which may also be a symptom of the identity crisis, but I think it's a good one and am enjoying my new hair). Last night I went to dinner and a movie with a friend. It was lovely.

I'm also enjoying the role of wife. I think I had temporarily forgotten about that one. With Lily regularly going to bed fairly early and being able to entertain herself more when she is awake, Josh and I have had more opportunities to work in the yard (which we both enjoy), cook dinner, and actually sit and connect*. Our little get away weekend at the beach was also quite nice. I think we sort of missed each other in the craziness of being mom and dad instead of Mamie and Josh.

I know that mother is a role that I will have for the rest of my life, and I love it, but I think that seven months was a long time for it to be my only role. Re-finding myself isn't always easy, but it is quite necessary and I think in the long run it will be quite nice.

* I'll let you read whatever you want to into that! :)

Outgrowing Her Toys

Well...it has finally happened...Lily has outgrown her bouncy seat. As you can see, she has learned to sit up and lean out of it to the point she can tip it over. It is no longer a safe baby containment device. This makes me sad for several reasons. The main one is that it is further evidence that she is growing up fast! Also, I'm sad, because it was the best way for me to get a shower, cook dinner, or any number of other things for which I needed baby free arms.

To cope with this bigger baby, we have recently set up her pack n' play downstairs full of toys for her to play with and she tolerates that fairly well. She also loves her exersaucer, and has recently learned how to really bounce in it! She's not quite mobile yet, but also not happy with being still. Today I had a discussion with Josh and my nanny about buying a walker or a doorway bouncer. Do any of you moms out there have thoughts on either? Any recommendations for other good toys or containment systems for this age.

Nursing Babydoll

How do you feel about a baby doll that simulates nursing? A young girl dons a halter top with little flower nipples in order to "feed" this doll who actually makes sucking and swallowing sounds, cries, and burps. This ABC News segment does a good job of showing both sides of this controversial toy. I have may own opinion, but before I weigh in, I'm curious what you think. Please vote in the poll to the right and/or leave your comments below.

First Family Vacation

This week we took our first family vacation! As previously mentioned Josh was speaking at some high schools at the coast and Lily and I decided to go with him for a short Thursday night through Saturday morning trip. After a bit of a rough start, it was quite lovely.

The packing was a bit stressful. I didn't really leave enough time to pack. I'm still not used to all the extra time and supplies needed to travel with baby. There was a day, not so long ago, when we could pack to head out of town in thirty minutes. It was just a matter of raking the things from the bathroom sink into a bag and throwing in a few clothes. It is amazing how much more complicated things get with a baby. We had to make sure to have pleanty of food, diapers, toys, and clothes of various warmths. We had to have the pack n' play and bouncy seat. We had to decide which stroller and carrier to take. It was overwhelming and we got a later start than we had hoped.

That put us going through Raleigh at rush hour. We hit some traffic, but luckily the baby fell asleep soon after getting in the car. Unluckily, she woke up after we had only been on the road a little over an hour and was not happy to be in her seat. We stopped, got her out, changed her diaper, fed her, and got back on the road. An hour, and much screaming, later we stopped again to get her out for a few minutes and walk around. After that we made it to our hotel and she was instantly happy!

Thursday night we put the baby to bed, got hot dogs from the trolly stop right next to our hotel, and paired them with wine on our balcony. We were a bit disappointed to realize that the "ocean side" room we had did not actually have a view of the ocean, but of the hotels that had a view of the ocean, but there were still ocean breezes and it was nice just to get away.

On Friday Josh spent most of the day teaching. Lily and I took a walk on the beach in the morning, then relaxed in the hotel, then walked to some shops. It was quite nice. When Josh got home, we headed down to the beach and took a few pictures of Lily putting her feet in the ocean for the first time. It was cold and she squealed...super cute. That night we went into Wilmington for dinner at Elijah's and a walk along the river walk. After a yummy Saturday brunch at the Causeway Cafe, we got on the road home.

I have to say that I was pleasantly amazed at how good Lily was. She slept all night both nights despite being away from home (it was a bit harder for me to sleep hearing her every nighttime noise!). She was very good at dinner and brunch. She even slept almost all the way home in the car. It was a great few days to get away as a family. We are so blessed.

Crazy Weather = Crazy Mommy

As I'm sure you know, we have been having some crazy weather. Last weekend my hometown was struck by two tornadoes that left a ton of damage, but miraculously no fatalities. Yesterday a very strong storm system moved through North Carolina causing numerous tornadoes. Josh and I got back in town just as the storms approached.

I know I may be a bit over paranoid, but I found myself glued to the storm coverage as it was approaching yesterday. I even refused to put Lily down upstairs for a nap. I know Josh thought I was crazy. She was obviously tired and quite fussy, but I was scared. I couldn't imagine having her all the way up there and us downstairs if something happened. I didn't even want to put her down. I held her until we were sure the threat of the storms had passed our area. Then, last night, I had this strange compulsion to sleep in her room "just in case". I fought the urge because I knew that all the bad weather was passed, but still...

It's good to know, however that I'm not alone in being crazy worried about the ones I love. My own mother called me twice to check on me. My sister and aunt each called as well. My friend admitted today that she called her husband, who was home with the kids while she worked, and ordered he take their kids into the bathroom.

We may be a bit overly cautious as moms, but these storms are really scary and and the devastation they leave behind is sad.

Birth on T V

Josh is speaking at some high schools at the coast today, so Lily and I decided to join him for a little mini-vacation (I'll post more about the trip later). Today, while Lily was napping, I watched a few of those birth shows on tv. Since Lily was born I've become a bit of a birth story junkie. Please excuse the following rant, but most of these shows are quite annoying.

In one of them they told the woman that because she was having pitocin (I'm not sure why), she had to have an epidural because she wouldn't be able to handle he pain. That just isn't true. Both my friend Anna and I were induced and delivered without pain medication. With responsible use of pit and good labor support, it is totally possible.

In another show they told a woman who was fully dilated and pushing, that she needed a c-section because every time she pushed the baby was coming two steps forward and one step back. I remember that, it sucks, but it is a totally normal part of birth. They also blamed the c-section on the fact she hadn't had any pain medication and was too tired. They actually sort of shamed her for that. It made me mad.

I know that everyone has different experiences of labor and birth and there is no one right way, but I am super frustrated by how some doctors manipulate their patients (especially those who don't know any better) into doing what is best for the doctor/hospital. I am so glad and so fortunate that the midwives and L&D nurses at UNC are so helpful and understanding.

Shopping Spree

After a delightful brunch with friends yesterday, Josh agreed to watch Lily while I did a little clothes shopping. It was wonderful. I have not had many good shopping experiences since Lily was born. With her in tow it is tough to try things on, so I've often bought things without trying them on only to get home and discover I don't like them and have to take them back.

Yesterday I was able to take my time and try things on and actually find things that make me feel cute. Much to my surprise I was able to wear pants a size smaller than I had expected and also needed a smaller size in some tops. I have a suspicion that this particular store sizes things big, but I'll take it. It was so nice to feel good in clothes. I got one pair of pants, one skirt, and five tops!

Trying on clothes however, led to me feeling the need for some new "real" bras. I've been wearing sports bra style nursing bras or tanks since Lily arrived, but realized that a normal bra with more support actually makes a difference under my clothes. I headed to Destination Maternity where they had a buy three get one free sale on all nursing bras. So of course I had to have four. I got three practical ones, and one "sexy" one. It was something of a pleasant surprise to realize that I now need bra that is two cup sizes larger than I was wearing before baby!

Overall, I spent way more than I should have, but it was so much fun to be out on my own, to not worry about the baby, and to find things that make me feel cute and even a little sexy. I realized I've been missing that.

Poop Problems!

*Warning: This post contains graphic poop related details. :)

Lily has gotten to the point that she usually only has a poopy diaper every three or four days. I have no idea why, but my pediatrician assures me that if it's not overly firm (which certainly isn't the case) or she doesn't seem to be straining, it's not a problem. In fact, you would think it's nice to have so few to change.

The bigger problem, however, lies in the shear volume of those poops when they finally arrive. Today we happened to be having dinner at a friend's house who also has a baby. I took Lily into her changing table to change her only to discover that she was covered from her belly button to her knees in poop! I ended up stripping her down and getting her in their bathtub! What a mess!

While many of her bi-weekly poops result in a bath, this one was particularly messy. This might be due to the fact that in an effort to help her be more regular (since she does get gassy and uncomfortable after a few days) I've been giving her some baby food prunes. I'm not sure if I'll keep that up!

Hilariously, another friend was at my house earlier today hanging out with Annie and Lily when her four month old son had a diaper blow out that resulted in me needing to wash my changing pad cover and bouncy seat!

On a side note - I found enjoyed this cartoon because I don't like the diaper genie. We have one and use it, but I feel like it gets full really fast and is no better at containing diaper smells than my regular trash can. I'm just saying...

Hatley Photo Contest (I never thought I'd be that mom)

Yes, I've entered Lily in another photo contest. This one is through Hatley clothing's facebook page. I am almost ashamed. Part of me hates hounding my friends to vote about how cute my baby is. I'm pretty sure it drives Josh crazy. In reality it's not that I think she is cuter than any other baby. I know that some of those other pictures on the Hatley facebook are just as cute and maybe even cuter. We all know that with facebook it's not about the cute picture anyway, it's about who has the most friends. I'm not sure I want to get into that competition.

I'm a bit frustrated because when I put the picture in the running, I didn't know that people would have to like Hatley's page to be able to like the picture of her. I wasn't even sure it would be a voting thing. I thought maybe they would select a winner. But I guess that is the whole idea, for them to develop a larger facebook presence. In reality, from what I've read, it is a pretty good company and I don't really mind supporting them. I do wish their products were slightly more affordable, but I understand that they cost more because they are a high quality product, made by a small family run company.

A friend of my mom's gave Lily a pair of Hatley flamingo pajamas. I love them. They really are my favorite and I'd buy her ten more pairs if they weren't a bit too expensive for me to feel good about buying them. Hence the contest...we have a chance to win a free pair! :)

So, if you feel inclined (and don't feel pressure, I know we are loved even if we don't win free jammies) you can go to the Hatley Clothing page to like them before you go to the Hatley Fan Pic Contest - April 2011 and like the photo of Lily.

Nursing in Public

I know that for many this is a hot topic. Today was a milestone for me. For the first time I nursed Lily in public. It got me thinking about the whole public nursing thing. I honestly think I did it today because of peer pressure. We were sitting out at Weaver Street and the woman at the table next to ours had just nursed her seven month old. I was afraid she would judge me for mixing up formula.

Not that I really feel bad about giving her formula. Since I gave Lily some formula early on, I got over the fear of formula and usually thought it would be easier to mix that up and feed her it in public than try to nurse her. I know that she gets very little formula in the grand scheme of things, but when I really think about it though, I'd rather nurse her. If for no other reason than it makes me more comfortable and then I don't have to worry about running home to pump.

It's funny because I'm not really a modest person. I don't think I resist nursing her because I don't want to bring out my boob in public. In fact, I don't really worry at all about strangers, and I've nursed and even pumped in front of most of my girl friends. I think I typically hesitate to do it because I don't want to make my male friends uncomfortable. Today, in fact, I waited until the boys were gone to get food to nurse her. I used to nurse her in front of them using my cover, but the nursing cover is no longer an option for my wiggly baby. She can't stand it and thrashes it away.

Josh says it wouldn't make him uncomfortable if one of our friends nursed in front of him, but I tell him that is just because he is so used to it now. Most of the guys that are around us frequently don't have kids yet. I'm not sure they would feel the same way. Any thoughts?

Make Way for Duckling

My Blog has a new name! It just sort of came to me and Josh was so inspired he made a duck background for me! We also registered the domain name! There are many reasons why I love this name. "Make Way for Ducklings" (we decided to go singular for now ;) is a wonderful classic children's book. I love books! The plot of this books has several parallels to our family journey. We got pregnant very soon after we moved to our new house and made room! We joke that the blue heron (ok...I know it's not a duck...it's not even really a stork, but humor me) that lives behind our house brought us Lily!

I have also lived most of my life around water and ducklings have always had a special place in my heart from hand raising them with my grandfather to watching the ones grow up on the lake behind our current house. I even asked for our baby showers to have a duckling theme. My friend Kelly made cute little duckling cupcakes for one and Lisa put a cute fondant ducky on the other. I actually have a growing collection of rubber duckies. I love Ducklings, especially my little Lily! :)

Family Shopping

Before Lily was born, Josh and I had something of a tradition. Several times a year we would go shopping together for new wardrobe items. We have a sort of binge and purge clothes shopping habit where we buy a lot of things at once rather than over time. We decided that since I was on spring break and we could go during the day, today would be a good shopping day. Having Lily, however, drastically changed our day.

Honestly, it was sort of a debacle. We got a much later start than we had planned because Lily took a long morning nap. This seemed like a good thing because it allowed us to clean out the closet, but it in reality it meant we got to the stores just about the time they began to get busy. Lily obligingly fell asleep in the car on the way to the mall, and we had high hopes.

Once at the mall, however, she promptly woke up. She sat content in her stroller through exactly one store (babyGap), and then began to fuss. After a diaper change we transitioned her to the Moby wrap and headed toward our main destination, H&M. We had a good plan. Josh would shop for his clothes while I looked at the baby things. Then he would try his things on while I shopped for me. Then he would take Lily while I tried things on.

The plan had two flaws. I failed to take into account that H&M is a very popular store. The lines for the dressing rooms and check outs were each around thirty minutes long. I also failed to realize before getting into the long dressing room line, that it was time to feed the baby. Josh was already in his dressing room, so I was left trying to juggle the fussy baby while mixing up a bottle and pushing the stroller through the fitting room line, but, being halfway in, I didn't want to give up my spot! Needless to say, there was some screaming from her, rising blood pressure for me, and Josh, who could hear her from his room, hurrying to try on his things.

Once he came out, he took Lily and set in the floor in a corner and fed her while I hurried to try on a few things. I only tried on half of what I planned to because I felt bad about leaving my sad baby. The one thing I liked they didn't have in the right size and color! I found nothing. :(

Josh walked around trying to keep Lily content while I stood in the check out line for half an hour to purchase his items and one cute romper for Lily. Everyone around me was frustrated and muttering. It was really quite ridiculous. I know they have some good deals, and Josh always finds shirts he likes, but it is just not worth it to me to shop there.

We all three left hot, frustrated, and exhausted. With no energy to even go to any other stores, we headed home. In the car, I cried. Silly I know...it was just a shopping trip. It wasn't really a big deal. Still, I was sad. I was sad that I didn't have time to shop in any of the stores I like. I was sad that I left with nothing new and fun for me. I was sad and mad that one store was so frustrating and took so long. I was sad because I feel like my Spring break is almost over and these family days are drawing to an end. I felt like a bad mom because I didn't feed her before getting in the fitting room line. I felt selfish because deep down, for the first time, I was missing the ease of life before Lily. I honestly wished it was just Josh and I today, but I felt bad about feeling that way, thus I cried.

My husband, in his infinite wisdom, has, since we left the mall, managed to convinced me that it is ok to want to do things without her and that it is obviously more difficult to do things with her. He has promised me that soon we will get a babysitter and spend a day shopping, just the two of us. Part of me feels bad for wanting that, but most of me realizes that it is perfectly normal and that we should, at times, enjoy life as two instead of three. It is all just one of the many adjustments of motherhood.

Six Month Checkup

Yesterday was Lily's six month checkup. She is doing great. She weighs 16lbs 9oz (75th percentile) and is almost 28in long (99th percentile). Her head is still the 50th percentile which I think actually makes her look more proportioned than most babies. I was surprised that they made me fill out a check list of her development and actually had trouble answering some of the questions.

One question asked if she could rake and pick up a small crumb or cheerio. I had no idea. I thought I wasn't supposed to give her small crumbs! Another question asked about if her feet were flat when you pulled her to standing. I felt slightly deficient because I had never noticed her feet position before. A friend said she thought they should give you that list ahead of time so you could put your baby through the tests and have a good answer! :)

Overall thought, Lily is doing great. She is growing and developing just as she should be. She really charmed the doctor and nurse with her sweet smile and chewing on her toes (which was accompanied by a giant fart while naked on the scale causing the nurse and I to laugh which then made Lily giggle...super cute!)

BTW...my amazing photographer friend Star was here a few weekends ago and took some really cute pictures. Here are a few of my favorite funny faces! Click on the picture for a larger image and check out facebook for more!