Make Way for DucklingS

Did anyone notice that I changed the blog title a while back. Did anyone notice the "S"? Yep...it's true, we are expecting another little Duckling! We found out on June 30th. I had been a few days late, and told Josh I thought I might be pregnant again. I think we were both a little surprised. Don't get me wrong, we know how this happens, and we knew there was a possibility, but we just didn't expect it to happen so easily and so quickly.

In our past experience, we had to really work at getting pregnant. I think in some ways we thought you really had to have perfect timing and be very intentional. Turns out...that isn't always true. Not to be too graphic, but, honestly, there were very few opportunities for us to get pregnant, if you get my drift.

At first I think we both were in shock. I'll admit that I was a little upset. I think that most of my fears related to loosing Lily as my baby. I was afraid that I would start to change how I feel about her. I hear this is common among second time moms and have been assured that it is totally possibly to love two as much as I love one!

Now we are starting to get excited. I know it won't be easy to have two little ones, but I also think it will be great for Lily to have a close in age sibling!

P.S. you may have notice that the blog was rather sparse in the last three months. Turns out I've been writing some posts, but just couldn't share them without giving away baby #2. I've published them now if you care to go back and read them.

Starting to Show & Telling People

So, we haven't totally gone public with Baby Hall #2 yet, but I think I'm starting to show! I know it's super early (I'm only almost 11 weeks), but if you knew me really well, you would notice. Most people, though, would probably just assume it's left over tummy from Lily. Perhaps in one way it is, but I still find that my roll of flab is turning into more of a round firm tummy. It's sort of exciting. It starts to make this pregnancy seem more real.

Since I'm starting to show some, it's going to be pretty much impossible to not tell people soon. Already most of our family and close friends know. Josh has told his work friends. I start back to work in a week and I'll tell my work friends then. I have to be honest. I'm a little nervous. I feel bad taking maternity leave twice in two years. I just pray the sub they find for me is better than the one from last year! I think that after next weeks twelve week check up we'll go "facebook" public!

Ultrasound of Baby #2

Today we had our first ultrasound for Baby #2. I was excited about getting to see him or her for the first time and hear that precious heartbeat. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed. Not because anything was wrong. The "data" we got was all good. What made me leave there feeling down was the bedside manner of the ultrasound technician and the doctor. We decided to go to REX hospital instead of UNC because they could get us in a lot sooner, which was a mistake.

With Lily the people we saw always made us feel excited. At the first ultrasound, I remember them pointing out things and saying things like "listen to that strong heartbeat", or "look at those little leg buds". This technician, who wasn't even set up for an early ultrasound because she hadn't looked at my chart that closely, said absolutely nothing except to fuss at Josh who was trying to keep Lily happy. "Don't stand up, you might trip over that one electrical cord", "she can't eat cheerios in here", "I'm going to need you to be quiet", etc. She didn't even explain at all to me what she was doing (fortunately I've had an early, vaginal, ultrasound before or I'd have been really confused). She did play the heartbeat for maybe two seconds, but didn't say a word about it.

The doctor who came in introduced herself and said literally "It looks like you are about, um...how many weeks...oh eight...I mean seven." I honestly think that was all she was going to say, but I asked if everything looked good. Her response..."yes". Then I asked what the heart rate was. She looked at the technician who said "141". That was all...no more information was offered, so we left.

I was upset. I was sure, because of the way they made me feel, that something was wrong. But the reality is, as Josh helpfully pointed out on the way home, that all of the facts and details were good. There is a baby. It's in the right place. It's the right size. It has a heartbeat. All good. I was just feeling down because of the way their bedside manner influenced my perception of the facts. So, a word to all you medical professionals out there, know that how you treat your patients impacts their perception of their condition almost as much as the facts do!

The First Prenatal Visit - Take 2

Today we had our first prenatal visit for Baby Hall #2. It was pretty easy. They actually had a nurse call me last week and review my medical history so that part was already out of the way. The midwife (who was the same wonderful one who delivered Lily) remembered us and was very positive about seeing us again. I think that made us both a little more excited.

We reviewed the medical history and then did the physical part of the exam. Josh went with me, hoping they would either do a ultrasound or at least let us hear the heartbeat. Sadly, we weren't able to do either, but we do have an ultrasound scheduled for Friday. I'm looking forward to seeing and hearing this little one.

Yep...Definitely Pregnant

Today I think I really started to feel pregnant for the first time. For the last couple of weeks, I've feel pretty normal. In fact, I sometimes forget that I'm pregnant. Not today.

I'm not sure if it's the heat or just the fact that its week seven (which is when I started feeling yucky with Lily), but I have felt sort of crummy all day today. Not horrible, just not great. I woke up at 4am when Josh got up to take his brother to the airport and had to brush my teeth because the taste of my own mouth made me feel a little ill. That slightly ill feeling persisted all day.

By the afternoon, I was struggling. I could hardly stand to do the grocery shopping and the fact my house smelled like cookies made me slightly nauseous. How sad is that? A friend baked me cookies at my house, and I couldn't appreciate it. I had that slightly nauseous extremely exhausted feeling that I remember very well from when Lily was little. All I wanted to do was rest. That's a lot harder though, now that I have Lily to entertain.

Luckily, I got to nap while Lily napped, which helped some. Then my wonderful husband came home and cooked me dinner, and my precious baby played sweetly in the floor, while I laid on the couch, which helped a lot! Still, I am pretty sure the next few weeks might be a bit tough.

Wearing My Pre-Pregnancy Jeans!

Today Lily is five weeks old and I am wearing my first pair of pre-pregnancy jeans! Granted, they were my "fat" jeans before, but still. Today, when we went to vote, the lady at the poll went on and on about how I did not look like I just had a baby. I've had quite a few people tell me this, and it is really quite flattering. I don't want to brag, but I am sort of proud of myself. Not that I've really done anything to loose the weight, but I do think my efforts to not gain a lot while pregnant have come into play. I think that nursing has also helped, and, although it hasn't been easy, I'm glad I stuck with it. Now, I just need to find a way to loose those last ten pounds, but something tells me that if I'm just a little judicious with my calories, carting Lily around will help with those!

The whole loosing 20lbs almost instantly has been really weird. I have to admit that it's really strange to look at pictures of myself from just five weeks ago and see how huge I was. I know some of it was baby weight, but there was also a lot of water retention that I didn't even realize. There was one day, about a week after Lily was born, when I suddenly realized that my feet and hands were small again. It was really crazy. It's also funny how you get used to moving through space with a big belly, and it took me a few days to realize that I didn't have to squat, I could actually bend at the waist! It's really all been a little surreal.

+ 6 days

As of today, I am six days late and there don't really seem to be any signs of Baby Hall. This cartoon is so true, it's not even funny! I think we are all, especially the soon to be grandparents, getting very excited.

Since I am almost a week late, we are scheduled for a non-stress test at 2:30 today which, frankly, is causing me some stress. It's funny. I don't mind waiting at all for her to come. In fact, I'm feeling surprisingly patient, but, what I am afraid of, is that the fact she is late will lead to more chance of unnecessary medical interventions.

There is a part of me that is scared that I'll go in for that test today and they won't let me come home. On the other hand, I feel selfish for thinking that because if they don't I'm sure it's for the baby's health and that is ultimately and significantly more important than doing things "my way". Perhaps that is part of what I'm really afraid of, that something will be wrong.

Grrr...despite my efforts to be rational about it all, I feel the crazies setting in a bit. Please pray, if you are praying folk, that everything will be fine today and that labor will start on it's own soon!

I'll Wait!

You know...this being "late" thing is interesting. Yes, it's true that my little girls due date was three days ago, but what does that really mean? I don't really believe that you can or should schedule birth for a specific date. For most of history and in most areas of the world women don't have specific days that their babies are due. Many only have a vague idea of "the end of September", if that. The only reason I feel any impatience is this imposed medical structure, which doesn't really mean anything.

While it is true that I am excited about meeting her, and Josh and I both struggle to be patient, I really do believe that she will come when she is ready. There were two of my friends who were also expecting this week, and both of them have had their babies already. While you might think I would find this frustrating, they also both ended up having c-sections. I don't know the details of their birth situations, but I can't help but think that when we get in a hurry we increase our chances of unnecessary medical interventions.

While I appreciate all the prayers, thoughts, and well wishes. I don't really feel like I need sympathy, apologies, or condolences. If given the choice of waiting and allowing her birth to be natural, or being in a hurry and doing "whatever it takes" to get her here, I'll wait! I feel super blessed that I'm not miserable, or really even that uncomfortable. I'm sleeping well and the carpal tunnel in my hand has gone away. I'm going to try to enjoy these days I have to hang out with friends and relax before she comes!

P.S. This doesn't mean that I wasn't upset with Josh for choosing October 2nd in his office birth pool and don't get mad at my sister when she suggested her birthday, October 5th!

This Song Made Me Cry

This song made me cry this morning on the way to work. I'm just so tired of going to work, and I'd rather be home snuggling my little one!

Porcelain Doll Chatham County Line

Hush now my baby - Hush my Porcelain Doll
Your papa has you in his arms and he won't let you fall
The wind might rock your cradle, the earth itself may shake
But I'll be here for you, if the bough does break
Anything at all - My Porcelain Doll

Look at the little feet - Look at the little hands
There is something there that only I can understand
I'm here to protect you and keep you safe from harm
If you could spend your whole life wrapped up in my arms
In a little ball - My Porcelain Doll

Someday you'll be older - go of on your own
Out into the world and build a brand new home
But I want you to know as the years they pass us by
I'll be here for you, until the day I die
For anything at all - My Porcelain Doll

D Day

Well, today is supposedly my due date, but I would be shocked if she makes it. That's the funny thing about babies. They are really tiny, but totally have a mind of their own! It's sort of funny all of the different suggestions that people have for ways to make her come (spicy food, jumping up and down, cleaning, sex, etc.) and the predictions they have of when she will come (full moon, weekend, Tuesdays, their birthday, etc.) In reality, I think she will just come when she is ready. I have to admit, though, that both Josh and I are struggling to be patient.

Honestly, it's really cute to see how excited Josh is getting. Some of the women in his office brought him a baby girl doll today to take care of until our actual daughter gets here. He swaddled her and let her sleep in a box in his office! He said she was really good and never cried. I told him not to get too spoiled by that because our real daughter might just cry! It's still really sweet because it actually made him more excited about our little one.

He's so excited, in fact, that he decided to go with me to my midwife appointment today just in case there was anything interesting going on. Sadly, there was not. Don't get me wrong...we are both relieved that nothing bad is going on. My blood pressure is normal. Her size and her heart rate are great. It's just hard to not know when she'll decide to come. It feels a bit like we have to put everything on hold, but I guess we should really just try to live our life as normally as possible. I guess it would be good to be surprised when she does decide to come, but I do hope to meet her soon!

P.S. I really hope it's not really October!

To Work or Not To Work...That is the Question

Well, today, September 20th is the day I had originally intended to start my maternity leave, yet here I sit at work! It is an interesting situation. Part of me is tired and ready to be home, but part of me wants to save my days to be with her after she is here. Plus, I know it will be quite boring to sit home all day just waiting. Last week, a parent at open house told me that in Germany you are required to leave work six weeks before your baby is due...I think that might drive me crazy.

Still, everything at school is ready for me to be out. Everyone seems shocked that I'm here every day that I show up. I've got my long term sub all lined up and waiting for the call. I've met with her a couple of times to plan and discuss what she will be teaching. When I left on Friday, I left all of my sub plans and copies for the next two weeks. I've got all of my papers graded and student grades are up to date. I've taken care of all of the necessary business...I'm ready to go!

Still, at this point, it's a tough decision to make. This morning I woke up feeling a little strange. Just slightly crampy and sore, but not really like I was in labor. I don't want anything dramatic to happen at work, but I also don't want to sit around home for days. I actually called my doula, Erin, to ask her opinion. As I was thinking, she said that it probably would not go from nothing to drama too fast and I would have time to come home if anything escalated. Plus, being up and around would be better for me than sitting on the couch at home. So, here I am. I guess from here on out it will be a day by day decision.

Momma Loves Books!

It is tradition for a father to be to buy his wife a present when she has a baby. I guess it's sort of a thank you for giving me this child gift. Traditionally I think this gift involves jewelry, but my amazing husband knows me better than that. He knows that I don't really wear any "nice" jewelry except my wedding rings. He knows that what I really love more than almost anything except him and baby girl is books. We frequently joke about how many books I read and how I frequently am reading more than one at a time. Just yesterday I brought home a big stack of books from work to be my maternity leave reading.

Because he knows this about me, he got me the most perfect "thank you for this child" gift ever...a new Amazon Kindle! It is amazing. It is so light weight and easy to hold and read. It's just like my favorite paperbacks, but, and this is the crazy part, it will hold hundreds of books! Can you imagine that...having hundreds of books in your purse, yet only adding 8.5 ounces! I LOVE IT! I have the best hubby! Now I just have to set a budget for purchasing books...and get a cute green case!

Wow!

Today has been a day of wow moments. It began when I got my weekly email update about the baby. I found it ironic that she is now being compared in size to a "small watermelon". The picture and the realization that this baby is actually big and strong and able to survive on her own just made me go wow!

Then, this afternoon, as I walked into the hospital for my 39 week check up, I had another wow moment. I was thinking back on all the times I've made that walk and realized that I'm almost there. I know that seems obvious, and I've been thinking about it for a while, but, for some reason, I was reminded of all of the anxiety of the early weeks. Of all the visits to the reproductive endocrinologist and not know if I could get pregnant. Of the fear that the pregnancy might not "stick" or that something would go wrong with the baby. It brought tears to my eyes to realize that at this point odds are really good that within a very short period of time I'll have a little squirmy bundle of joy to hold and love. WOW! It's pretty amazing and wonderful. I think I've sort of lost sight of some of that in the stress and exhaustion of the last few weeks of getting ready, but I really am delighted and blessed!

Then, tonight was open house at school and it was really funny to talk to all of my students parents. Of course some of them have heard that I was expecting but to others, mostly parents of boys, it was a surprise. The first question everyone asked was "When are you due?". When I told them I was due one week from today they almost all looked shocked and said "wow!". Many of them told me how great I looked. It's sort of cool to be told how great you look when you feel huge! I do feel lucky that, for the most part, pregnancy has been pretty easy for me. Although still tired and swollen and not sleeping, I'm getting really excited. Now I'm just ready to meet her!

38 Weeks & Narcissism

This week, well, actually Tuesday of this week...I'm late...I am 38 weeks. Wow! I was born at 38 weeks. At my midwife appointment this week we talked about induction if I go past. That is sort of crazy, but it made me realize that I am going to have this baby...soon. I do finally feel like most of the practical things are in order. Our house is ready. The car seat is installed. I have talked to my substitutes (yes, there will be two, but It'll be fine) Our bag isn't quite packed, but the things to pack in it are set out ready to pack. We've programed the doula and midwife numbers into our phones.

What's strange is that I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready. There is a big part of me that is really sad about the loss of being pregnant. For the most part I have felt wonderful. It has been really fun. I think it's somewhat narcissistic. I have actually liked the attention. People treat you differently. They are kinder. They are helpful. They give you presents. Some are even brave enough to gently touch you. Strangers look at you like you are special and even beautiful. I like that. I'm going to miss that.

Blogging About Being Too Tired to Blog

Well, I have many things that I want to post about, but I'm feeling down right exhausted. I told Josh earlier that I was even feeling too tired to blog and he said I should blog about that, so here goes! :) Here are the high points from the last few days. Maybe I'll get up the energy to post about some of them in more detail at a later date.

• Friday afternoon I had another visit with the acupuncturist/chiropractor that ended with me paying twice what I expected, driving home in tears, Josh on the phone with her, a $20 rebate and a vow to not return...Oh, and a hand that still hurts and now sore hips as well.
• Saturday I washed all of the baby's laundry and did some shopping for a nursing gown and robe to pack in my hospital bag (which still isn't packed).
• Sunday I got my hair cut and colored. I debated and researched the safety of hair dye and came to the conclusion that it was totally safe, and it was lovely to be pampered for two hours. I haven't had a chance to fix it myself yet and know for sure if I love it. Tomorrow will tell.
• DRT played an event last night that was a lot of fun.
• Today was a day of much nesting. We got a dishwasher (to be delivered Thursday). I folded and put away a mountain of baby clothes (seriously, I'll post pictures when we get them uploaded). Josh put together the pack 'n play and installed the car seat, and we ordered the things from our registry that we need, but didn't get.
• Some friends think I've "dropped" and am going to have the baby soon, but I'm not sure. Last night I got really sad thinking about not being pregnant any more, today I'm exhausted with my big body and excited to meet her. It's a roller coaster.
  
• There has been much debate over the baby's middle name, which still isn't resolved.
  
• I've had some strange dreams about the baby.
• My feet are swelling, seriously swelling.
• I wanted Josh to take some pictures of me now that I am really big, but I feel all swollen and not my most beautiful.
  
• I found out they do have a sub for me at work but haven't met him/her yet. Hopefully I will soon, because I'm not sure how much longer I'll be working. I feel totally unmotivated to be there or do the things I need to do.
  
• I feel like there are a hundred things that need to be done, but I have no energy to do them. I thought I was supposed to get a burst of nesting energy?!?!
• Our families are very excited and demanding daily updates. Do they really think we'll forget to call?
• I'm trying not to get it into my head that it's going to be really soon. It could be, but it could also be weeks.
  
• I'm getting a little nervous about the labor, delivery, and parenting part of all of this. Strangely, I've not really thought ahead much!

I apologize for this list being a bit random and manic, I guess it reflects how I've been feeling.

The Last Birth Class

Last night was our last birth class with our wonderful doula, Erin. This class really focused on nursing and baby care. I have to be honest. I haven't really thought ahead that much. Is that bad? I do have quite a few books on baby care and on nursing that friends have given us, but I haven't read any of them. I'm still not finished with the ones on pregnancy and childbirth!

It's funny because I know that this pregnancy thing is only 9 months and childbirth will only be a few hours, God willing, but they have consumed most of my attention. I guess I don't worry too much about what it will be like because there is really no way to know or prepare.It was interesting, however, to discuss some different theories about nursing and soothing/sleeping. Last night I started seriously thinking about what it's going to be like once she is here. It's really quite exciting.

We watched a video called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" about how to soothe a fussy baby. A friend gave us this book, which we haven't read, but the video was interesting. That guy seemed like a miracle worker and my skeptical brain was questioning if it would really work. His theory is that the first three months of life are really the fourth trimester and your baby is still like a fetus and needs comforting like a fetus. Thus, he employs the 5 S's to soothe a baby. Swaddle, Side/Stomach Position, Shushing (for some reason this one is really funny in the video...much louder than you would expect), Swinging, and Sucking. While it seems a bit too easy to really work, I am hopeful, and, if it means a happy sleepy baby, you better believe I'll try it!

We also talked about infant led nursing, where the baby is allowed to find the best position to nurse in rather than put in the "correct" position. The video of this was amazing as a newborn would squirm it's way down and onto the breast just like little kittens. If you are interested, you can check it out on YouTube (beware, it is a bit graphic...it is breast feeding after all). It was fascinating and sort of went against my desire to control. But, if it means a well fed baby and less sore nipples, you better believe I'll try it!

Overall, I have a feeling that those first few weeks will be a lot of trial and error, but I do feel fairly confident that Josh and I can figure it out without doing too much harm. I'm really sort of looking forward to that family building time.

Midwife Visit

Yesterday I had one of my now weekly visits with the midwife. Like all the others, it was short and sweet. Everything is going along swimmingly. She is in a head down position. Her heart rate and my uterus size are all in the normal range. She walked me through who to call and where to come when I think I'm in labor. I talked to her a bit about the carpal tunnel and she suggested taking Tylenol PM, which makes me a little nervous. That's about it...not much to write home about.

The Birth Plan

As part of our desire to have a natural labor and delivery, we have come up with a birth plan*. Our doula encouraged us to keep it fairly simple, but that was difficult for me. In case you didn't know, I am a detail oriented person who likes to have everything under control. :) I want to put every little thing in there. As I worked on the plan I tried to think of my three main goals.

- To let labor and delivery happen naturally.
- To have as little medical intervention as possible.
- To keep my daughter with me as much as possible.

Realistically though, I know that this is one situation where I'm going to have to be flexible. Baby girl Hall is really going to be running this show and I hope and pray that I'll be able to just relax and let her.

*You can check out a copy of the first draft of the birth plan by clicking on the link to the right. This is just a first draft and still needs to be reviewed with our midwife and doula.*

Pack a Bag!

Today I am 37 weeks. She is due in only 3 weeks! It's sort of crazy. I don't know if I am ready, but I guess I'm close to as ready as I'll ever be. I realized that I really need to pack my bag for the hospital. In all reality she could come any time now. All of my books have different lists. Some say to pack everything following the boyscout model to "be prepared", while others say to be sparing because you won't need and don't want to carry much. What do I really need and not need? I welcome the advice of those of you who have been there and done that!

A Trip to Acupractic

As noted in my Saturday post (which made one friend think my water had broken, sorry for any confusion! :) I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping due to "carpal tunnel" pain in my hand. Both my doula and midwife recommended chiropractic or acupuncture as possibilities, so I decided to give it a try. Honestly I was willing to try anything that might help and wouldn't hurt the baby. A friend at school recommended a place called Acupractic because it is one woman who does both chiropractic and acupuncture. I scheduled an appointment for this afternoon.

It was interesting, to say the least. After a long discussion of what I've been feeling, some tests to see my range of motion, and a physical exam that included feeling all of my vertebrae, the doctor (Josh would probably have me put that in quotes, and I debated it. Does anyone know the qualifications to be a doctor of chiropractic? Am I revealing too much of my cynical nature?) explained that she though a chiropractic adjustment would be the best first step. Apparently my hips and a few of my vertebrae were out of alignment. I'm still not sure how I feel about hearing my own bones crack. It was weird, and I have to say that I didn't really like it.

I don't really know if the adjustment is going to help with my hand or not. It was mentioned that it could have to do with my neck, and that realignment might help. Either way, realigning my pelvis is probably a good thing to do before trying to give birth. Now I'm supposed to see how this makes me feel and return on Friday for possible acupuncture to help with the issue with my hand. I have to say I'm feeling a bit skeptical, but I hope it really helps. I also hope it doesn't leave me more sore or send me into labor.