Victory

You may not know this about me, but I am a little stubborn. When I put my mind to something, I make it happen.  I can even become a bit obsessive. That is part of what bothered me about nursing Jack (that and the incessant pumping). I just really wanted to nurse him. I saw it as part of my identity. It is who I am. I am a nursing mom. I nursed Lily. I should, and desperately wanted to, nurse Jack. I hated everything about pumping. I took every step I could think of to "solve the problem". Chiropractors, lactation consultants, ENT, not to mention tons of message board posts. Nothing seemed to be working.

This past week, though, we had a break through.  I had  an appointment with a new lactation consultant. She and my amazing doula came to my house to watch me nurse and help me figure out what was going on. Honestly, I don't think they told me anything I hadn't already heard or tried. We didn't even really have great nursing sessions. But, when they left, I felt a new sort of peace. I came to the realization that even if I didn't nurse him, he was getting my milk and I could and would put my mind to surviving the pumping.

Then, the very next day, I discovered a way to get him to the breast. It wasn't anything insightful. I would hold him with his head at the breast while he screamed and bounce him until he relaxed enough to latch. We had a few feedings that started that way before he began to latch without the screaming. Within about a day, he seemed to actually be happy to nurse. Victory!

Since then we have been almost exclusively nursing, AND Jack has been sleeping through the night. I feel like a totally different person. I still worry just a little that he isn't getting enough milk from me, because he is a very quick nurser, but he seems to be pretty happy and has good awake time and good sleep, so I think he must be. I know it shouldn't be this big of a deal, but it is awesome. It makes me so happy!

Feeding Jack

Jack's First Bottle

Before Jack was ever born, one of the things I looked forward too most was nursing him. I loved nursing Lily and was pretty upset when she decided to ween herself when I got pregnant with Jack. I consoled myself by remembering that I'd have another little one soon to nurse.

Nursing Jack, however, has not been at all like I dreamed it would be. It seems to be one challenge after another. I had a few problems with Lily, but nothing long term and felt like because I had been there before, it would be much easier this time. My doula wisely pointed out that although I had nursed before, Jack hadn't, and, honestly, he's just not good at it. I think it's mostly due to a pretty major recessed jaw, but he just doesn't want to latch and nurse properly.

The Funky Frog Nursing Position :)

In about the first week he had torn my poor nipples up to the point they were scabbed and bleeding (sorry for the TMI). It was super painful to nurse him. I went into survival mode and went to see a lactation consultant while also starting to pump quite a bit in an effort to heal. Then my supply (which had started out abundant) dropped way down to the point I couldn't pump enough to feed him and had to give him formula. Then, with a new position to try and healing nipples, we started to get better.

Then a week and a half ago, at the lactation consultant because I was afraid we had thrush/yeast (we don't - Jack has an Epstein pearl), I found out he was loosing weight. So, I began to try to feed him more by supplementing with bottles of pumped milk, only to have him again stop nursing very well.

We've gone to the chiropractor (much to Josh's skepticism) the lactation consultant, and even an ENT to make sure there were no physiological issues. We've tried all sorts of positions and the nipple shield. Sometimes he nurses well, sometimes he doesn't. I'm not totally ready to give up and pump exclusively yet, but I may be getting close. It is exhausting, and frustrating, and by far the hardest thing about Jack so far. I just hope he will grow into being a good nurser!

The Beginning of the End, of Nursing That Is!

I just pulled the last of my frozen milk out of the freezer to thaw and feed Lily, and I can't help but be a little sad. I'm not totally giving up on nursing yet, but I'm past the pumping phase, which I know is the beginning of the end. When I start back to work next week, I'm not going to try to pump. I still plan to nurse morning and at bed time, but the rest of the day she will have formula until she is a year, then we'll transition to cow's milk.

There are several factors impacting the decision. One is that my pump is not working well. It fell in the back seat of my car and one of the prongs is bent which won't create good suction. Thus, when I'm pumping I'm not getting much. Another factor is just that she is getting older and eating a lot of food, so I know she is not as reliant on my milk. In fact, I'm not even sure about my supply and her satisfaction these days. I feel like when she does nurse (except at bed time) she only nurses for about five minutes on each side and then is done, then she still acts hungry. I've tried to get her to nurse longer, but she's just not super interested. :(

While knowing that this is the start of the end of nursing makes me sad, I also know it's a fact of her growing older. I'm sure this is the first of many leaps toward her independence, and a little piece of me is relieved not to have to worry as much about pumping, milk supply, and all that goes with that. Plus, it tempers the sadness to know that, come March, I'll have a new little one to nurse!

Fantastic Finger Foods!

I am learning that Lily will eat almost anything that isn't on a baby spoon! She has recently been starting to reject more and more of the "baby food". I'm not sure if it is the texture or watered down flavors, or just that she wants the independence of feed herself, but she will not eat pureed peas from a spoon, but give her some as finger food and she goes to town!

Her meals today included finger food blueberries, Lima beans, strawberries, pea, zucchini, cheerios, and whole wheat bread. Over the weekend she had so many different things I'm not sure I even know about them all. I know she had re-fried beans, rice, guacamole, salsa, peach frozen yogurt, key lime pie, baked beans, and who knows what else my friends and family didn't tell me about. She chowed down on it all.

I have to admit that I was afraid it would make her tummy upset. I told Josh (after he was feeding her from his plate at a Mexican restaurant) that he was in charge of diapers for the next forty-eight hours. In reality, though, it didn't seem to impact her digestive system at all. It appears our little one has a tummy of steal!

All of this is good news. I would love to be able to just feed her what we are eating from the table! I realize, of course, that I do need to be careful about how much fat, salt, and sugar she is getting, but I should probably watch how much of that I'm eating as well! Anyone out there have good finger food suggestions?

The Pinch

Apparently developing a strong pincher grasp is a developmental milestone. Lily has certainly mastered it! It's really fun to watch her pick up her puffs and put them in her mouth. She also tries to pick up almost anything including carpet and buttons of shirts with her little fingers, super cute!

The only problem is that with this new grasp, she has also learned how to pinch skin! She has started this annoying little habit of pinching me in my arm pit when I'm nursing her. It really hurts. Her little fingers are super sharp and it really hurts. It's worse if I'm just wearing a nursing tank and she can get bare skin (which is usually the case first thing in the morning), but she also pinches through a shirt!

I've tried telling her no and holding her hand, but she gets frustrated. I've tried giving her a toy to hold instead of pinching, but she usually drops it and resumes the pinching. When she isn't pinching my under arm, she reaches for my face. I'm just not sure what to do about it. Any suggestions?

I was telling a friend about it and she says that her son slaps her belly with his free hand while he's nursing. Hilarious! Do any of you have any funny stories of what your babies do while nursing?

To Pump or Not To Pump, That is the Question

Well, it's not really a question anymore. I made a decision. I can no longer pump twice a day at work. There just isn't time. When I had a student teacher, it was much easier. Now that I'm in charge of all classroom responsibilities, and especially with the oncoming testing, there is just no way for me to do it twice a day.

I've been struggling with it for a few weeks. Then, on Saturday, I hung out with a friend who is also nursing a little one. She has decided to start weening her five month old daughter exclusively to bottles. She has a two year old as well and just can't find time for all those feedings during the day when her baby nurses forty-five minutes, but takes a bottle in ten! Her candid discussion of her struggle helped me realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with changing "the plan" if it's what is best for you and baby.

My plan was to give her breast milk exclusively for a whole year. I've already had to let go of that a bit by giving her formula supplements when she was tiny and from time to time when we are out and it was most convenient. At seven months old, giving her one bottle of formula a day is no big deal. I still plan to nurse her before work, give her one pumped bottle during the day, and nurse her when I'm home in the evening. We will still have that special time before I put her to bed. She will still get way more breast milk than formula.

When I think about how much simpler it makes my work day, I have no idea why I didn't make this decision earlier. I am a bit sad, but overall I am relieved. My only hope is that when I'm home in the summer, my milk will come back so that I don't have to give her formula then. I guess that remains to be seen.

**By the way, check out this pewter breast pump from the 1830's! How grateful am I for my dual battery powered one!

Nursing Babydoll

How do you feel about a baby doll that simulates nursing? A young girl dons a halter top with little flower nipples in order to "feed" this doll who actually makes sucking and swallowing sounds, cries, and burps. This ABC News segment does a good job of showing both sides of this controversial toy. I have may own opinion, but before I weigh in, I'm curious what you think. Please vote in the poll to the right and/or leave your comments below.

Poop Problems!

*Warning: This post contains graphic poop related details. :)

Lily has gotten to the point that she usually only has a poopy diaper every three or four days. I have no idea why, but my pediatrician assures me that if it's not overly firm (which certainly isn't the case) or she doesn't seem to be straining, it's not a problem. In fact, you would think it's nice to have so few to change.

The bigger problem, however, lies in the shear volume of those poops when they finally arrive. Today we happened to be having dinner at a friend's house who also has a baby. I took Lily into her changing table to change her only to discover that she was covered from her belly button to her knees in poop! I ended up stripping her down and getting her in their bathtub! What a mess!

While many of her bi-weekly poops result in a bath, this one was particularly messy. This might be due to the fact that in an effort to help her be more regular (since she does get gassy and uncomfortable after a few days) I've been giving her some baby food prunes. I'm not sure if I'll keep that up!

Hilariously, another friend was at my house earlier today hanging out with Annie and Lily when her four month old son had a diaper blow out that resulted in me needing to wash my changing pad cover and bouncy seat!

On a side note - I found enjoyed this cartoon because I don't like the diaper genie. We have one and use it, but I feel like it gets full really fast and is no better at containing diaper smells than my regular trash can. I'm just saying...

Nursing in Public

I know that for many this is a hot topic. Today was a milestone for me. For the first time I nursed Lily in public. It got me thinking about the whole public nursing thing. I honestly think I did it today because of peer pressure. We were sitting out at Weaver Street and the woman at the table next to ours had just nursed her seven month old. I was afraid she would judge me for mixing up formula.

Not that I really feel bad about giving her formula. Since I gave Lily some formula early on, I got over the fear of formula and usually thought it would be easier to mix that up and feed her it in public than try to nurse her. I know that she gets very little formula in the grand scheme of things, but when I really think about it though, I'd rather nurse her. If for no other reason than it makes me more comfortable and then I don't have to worry about running home to pump.

It's funny because I'm not really a modest person. I don't think I resist nursing her because I don't want to bring out my boob in public. In fact, I don't really worry at all about strangers, and I've nursed and even pumped in front of most of my girl friends. I think I typically hesitate to do it because I don't want to make my male friends uncomfortable. Today, in fact, I waited until the boys were gone to get food to nurse her. I used to nurse her in front of them using my cover, but the nursing cover is no longer an option for my wiggly baby. She can't stand it and thrashes it away.

Josh says it wouldn't make him uncomfortable if one of our friends nursed in front of him, but I tell him that is just because he is so used to it now. Most of the guys that are around us frequently don't have kids yet. I'm not sure they would feel the same way. Any thoughts?

Nursingwear

One of my friends who is expecting her second baby asked me about nursingwear today. She struggled with what to sleep in during the time she was nursing her first little one and wondered what I did to prevent the inevitable nighttime leakage. I thought I would take this opportunity to share what I think is a great find...Gillian O'Malley nursing bras and tanks from Target!

I got one tank to take to the hospital and wore it the entire five days we were there (gross I know, but desperate times...). I then went to Target and bought one in every available color. They are only $17, much less than at maternity specialty stores, and I love them! I sleep in them at night and even wear them under clothes many days. I'm not in need of a ton of support, but find they fit tightly enough to prevent any unsightly bouncing or leaking even when it's been a while since I've nursed or pumped. They are also nice to wear under another shirt because I can lift that shirt up to feed her and still have my midsection covered by the tank which has easy to open shoulder snaps for quick one handed access. Perfect!

I also purchased two of the nursing sleep bras. They are also only $17 and really nice.I find that I can wear these, not only at night, but also during the day time for many of the same reasons mentioned above about the tank. They are comfortable, provide good support, and make it easy to nurse. I actually have two expensive nursing bras from another store, but do not like them or wear it them much as the ones from Target. One of them has hook and eye shoulder clasps which are impossible to open with one hand making it quite frustrating when trying to feed and hold a hungry squirming baby. The other has a double layer design with a little padding sewn between that is always getting bunched up and needs to be smoothed out. The only thing I don't like about the Target on is that it comes up pretty high and isn't what you would call "sexy".

In an effort to have a nursing bra that was also a "sexy" bra, I did purchase one of the Gillian O'Malley soft cup nursing bras. Which sounds comfortable, but I've only worn it once, and it was not. Of course that may be because I got the wrong size. I think I was thinking of my size before nursing and bought it without trying it on. It could also be that I've gotten used to wearing the sleep bras and tanks and any normal bra would feel uncomfortable. I took the tags off and washed it before wearing it, so now I'm stuck with it. I may try to get another one in a better size and see how that goes. I do get a bit tired of only wearing full coverage sporty bras all the time!

Another great nursing find: Johnson and Johnson nursing pads. For someone like me without a huge chest they are perfect. I started out saying I was only going to use the fabric washable kind to eliminate waste and cost, but I found that early on they were rough and stayed damp and irritated where I was already irritated. They also don't have adhesive and managed to migrate to around my navel during the night! I found that the Lanisol ones were too big and bunch up under my bra leaving visable lines through my clothes. The others brands didn't have adhesive, see above comment. The Johnson and Johnson's are soft, a good size, and stay put! I only use one pair a day, and I do sometimes use the fabric ones now when I'm home during the day to ease my consience. :)

Advice

I have several friends who are expecting or recently had their first baby. Last night, while feeding Lily, I began thinking about what sort of things I would want them to know. I know from personal experience, however, that a lot of people offer a lot of different advice and it should all be taken with a grain of salt. So, rather than peppering my friends with it, here is my two cents. Take it or leave it!

1. You have no idea how much you will love your baby. You might have really wanted children, like I did. You might think you love your unborn baby. You may even question how much you love her the first few days or even weeks (I did...it's normal). But a month out, or five months out, you will love her way more than you ever imagined possible.

2. Natural birth is completely possible. I think that as a laboring mother, your body knows what to do not only physically, but also mentally. I honestly do not remember much of the pain of labor at all, even despite being induced. I'm glad I did it and would do it again.

3. Stick out nursing, but formula isn't evil. I really wanted to nurse Lily. It wasn't easy, but I stuck it out, and I am super glad I did. Still, at the same time, a little formula at the beginning was just what she needed and it still makes my life easier from time to time. It has not hurt her in any way.

4. It's good to have a plan, but expect it to change. I had not planned on being induced. I had not planned on Lily being in the NICU. I had not planned on her not nursing well. I like to plan, and was very upset when things went against my plan. But, and I can say this now in hindsight, none of it was really a big deal. I have a very healthy happy baby!

5. There is no "wrong" choice to make. I would get all caught up and afraid to make a decision about what to do for Lily (especially in the bedtime realm) for fear of making the wrong decision.

6. Don't read too much. The is related to #5. I read way too many books which frequently contradicted each other. At one point I was laying in bed debating whether or not I should let Lily cry herself to sleep, and reading both La Leche League and Babywise!This left me in a state of analysis paralysis. One of the best moms I know told me her secret what that she didn't read anything, but trusted her own instincts!

7. Things will change. I think that a lot of new parent stress is caused by feeling like the way your baby is now (especially if she is now fussy, or not sleeping, or not eating) is the way she will always be. Babies change moment to moment.

8. You don't need a ton of gear, but there are a few pieces that I love. I don't really think what type of diapers (although I'd avoid Babies R Us brand) or formula (although I like organic) you use matters. You'll get clothes. You'll get toys. These items, however, I don't think I could live without!

Moby Wrap - This has been magic for Lily. When she was little and fussy, she would sleep in it when nothing else would do. Now that she doesn't love sitting in her stoller, I can take her shopping or on other outings in it and she is totally happy! I dread the day when she doesn't fit in it anymore.

Swaddleme Swaddles - Sleep magic!

Snap N Go Stroller Frame - it is so easily portable!

Bouncy Seat - it's pretty easy to move around (in the kitchen when cooking, in the bathroom when showering, etc.) and Lily loves to sit in hers.

Washing Bottles*

This might sound strange, but I actually enjoy washing Lily's bottles. We have made it a bit of a ritual when I come home. After I nurse her, I sit her in her bouncy seat in the kitchen while I wash all of the day's bottles. Josh asked me one day why our nanny doesn't just wash them after she uses them, and I'm sure she would if I asked her to, but I don't really want her to.

It's not that I don't think she'll do it right or anything like that. It's just that I like doing it. I think it just seems like a normal "mommy" task to me. Plus, I think washing, along with fixing her bottles, sort of connects me to her feedings even though I'm not there for them. It's just one little way that I can take care of her even when I'm not taking care of her!

*An interesting note about bottles: We've tried several different kinds, and my nanny definitely prefers the Playtex Ventaire advanced. She says she takes it better and isn't as gassy. We have moved up to medium flow nipples because it was taking her too long to eat. When I'm giving her a bottle though, she does not like the Ventaire. She struggles against it and spits it out. With me, and Josh, she likes the plain Madela one with the slow flow nipple. It may make her more gassy, but she takes it easier. I have no idea why.

Feeding Lily

Can I just say how much I love nursing Lily! It was not easy at first. Sore nipples and her lack of weight gain almost made me give it up, but I am eternally grateful that I didn't. Now that I'm back at work, it is such a special time for us to share each morning before I leave for work and a great way to reconnect when I get home. I do truly treasure each opportunity to nurse her. (Mr.Sophie even likes to be part of this special family time!)

The flip side of feeding her now that I'm back at work is the pumping. I am very fortunate that a friend who is out on leave has let me use her office. It is really a perfect spot because it is close to my room, off the busy student halls, and pretty private. The first few times I was there pumping I was quite self conscious about the sound of the pump and the fact that the door wouldn't lock me in. I was also disappointed with how little I was able to pump. After a few times I figured out that I could put a chair in front of the door to insure a bit more security and watch hulu on my computer to cover any sound. Surprisingly, or not maybe not so surprisingly, I began to be able to pump more. Now I'm pretty much able to pump enough to cover what she eats in a day.

I'm sure that in some ways it would be easier to give her formula, but, for me, the extra effort is totally worth it!

Traveling with Lily

This week we celebrated Lily's first Thanksgiving with a trip to Virginia to visit both sets of grandparents. Lily did great on the car trip down, sleeping all the way. There was one sticky point where we got into stop and go traffic and she got a bit fussy, but as soon as we were rolling again, she fell back asleep. She was pretty good on the way home as well. I was really worried about her sleeping in a strange place, but she slept fine in her daddy's old crib (Grandma and Grandpa Hall set it up in our room with a new mattress and sheet).

I must admit that it was hard for me to be out of our comfortable setting and routine with her, and I'm a bit relieved to be home. I honestly think she handled it better than I did. She ate, was awake, and slept on a pretty normal schedule. She really wasn't much more fussy than she is in a normal day, but for some reason, when we are around others, her crying makes me really stressed. I feel a lot of pressure to have her be a happy baby even though I know that our families understand and don't care. I've got to work on that. It's hard because I often feel like I'm the only one who can really comfort her and she does seem to get fussy sometimes when other people hold her. Perhaps she is spoiled, or perhaps I am.

I also find nursing her around others, especially my in-laws, a bit of a challenge. On one hand I feel like if the baby needs to eat, there is nothing wrong with feeding her, but on the other, I am a bit embarrassed to break out my boob in front of Josh's parents and his little brother, even under my cover. Around my family and our friends, I find it less of an issue. Again, I know that they wouldn't really care, but it's another one of the things that I need to work out and work on.

Overall the trip went very well and Lily really traveled like a champ...me, not so much...but I plan to work on it, and I think it will get easier.

Feeding Lily in Public

Today was the first time I had to feed Lily during an outing. Sure, we've gone to friends houses and I've fed her there, but that is different. If it's just girls, I have no problem baring my boob, and if there are guys around I use my nursing cover (hilariously called an udder cover) or her blanket. No big deal. Today, however, my friend and I were out at the mall and not planning to return home for a while, so I had to find a way to feed her.

I probably would have been fine sitting on a bench with my nursing cover , but Kelly suggested an even better place. The Nordstrom womens lounge. If you've never been in one of these, you should check it out (guys...get a woman to make sure it's vacant first). It is amazing. Not only is there a nice changing area complete with sink, but there are several chairs and a couch. The lighting is mellow. See the picture...it is wonderful.

I also learned today, that it is a great place to meet and chat with other moms. On a busy shopping day, it is a happening location. Today there was a woman and her mom with 6 month old twins and another woman with a three month old. While we all fed our babies we engaged in some friendly conversation about raising babies. It was lovely.

So, moms, if you are ever in need of a quiet place to nurse while at the mall, check out the Nordstrom womens lounges!

Feeding Lily

So, the first few days Lily was home we thought she was going to be an amazing baby because she would eat, then sleep for a long time. Come to find out, that's not really that great. After two weeks Lily had not gained any weight. Apparently she was to sleepy because she was hungry and yet too tired to nurse. After a few days, this started to make her quite fussy because she wanted to eat, but then fell asleep eating, but then was upset to still be hungry. We hit a wall of trying everything we could think of to soothe her vs. allowing her to cry (which is torture for mom!). Turns out that the poor thing was running on low batteries. So, this week we started supplementing her nursing with some bottles.

At first I was really upset about this. I really wanted to nurse her exclusively, and felt like something of a failure for not being able to provide enough for her. I started to wonder what I had done wrong along the way. But, thanks to the encouragement of some good friends and Josh, I've come to terms with it. She only gets a few ounces of formula or a few of pumped breast milk along with her normal nursing, and it has made a world of difference! She can now have some happy awake time (for the first time) and sleeps soundly when she is asleep. Josh enjoys being able to comfort her. It is wonderful for all of us. In the last four days, she has gained 8 ounces, and at three weeks, she is back above her birth weight at 7lb 3oz!

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding!

Last week a kind friend brought me a copy of this book, and I just started reading it tonight. It is published by La Leche League and is a self described "meeting in a book" set up like a gathering of women talking about their breastfeeding experiences and answering the most common questions.

I know this might sound crazy, but I am really, really excited about nursing my baby. I have read and heard a lot about it and the benefits to both baby and mother are huge. Beyond the financial, and physical, I really do believe there is an emotional component for both mother and baby. My favorite quote from the book says "bottle feeding fills her stomach, but breastfeeding fills her soul". I have to say that I really can't wait. I told Josh tonight that a big part of me pictures myself spending the first week(s) sitting around topless feeding our baby!

Don't worry...we will still receive some guests and I will use a nursing cover when company is over so no one is too uncomfortable...still...I'm super excited for this part of motherhood!