Victory

You may not know this about me, but I am a little stubborn. When I put my mind to something, I make it happen.  I can even become a bit obsessive. That is part of what bothered me about nursing Jack (that and the incessant pumping). I just really wanted to nurse him. I saw it as part of my identity. It is who I am. I am a nursing mom. I nursed Lily. I should, and desperately wanted to, nurse Jack. I hated everything about pumping. I took every step I could think of to "solve the problem". Chiropractors, lactation consultants, ENT, not to mention tons of message board posts. Nothing seemed to be working.

This past week, though, we had a break through.  I had  an appointment with a new lactation consultant. She and my amazing doula came to my house to watch me nurse and help me figure out what was going on. Honestly, I don't think they told me anything I hadn't already heard or tried. We didn't even really have great nursing sessions. But, when they left, I felt a new sort of peace. I came to the realization that even if I didn't nurse him, he was getting my milk and I could and would put my mind to surviving the pumping.

Then, the very next day, I discovered a way to get him to the breast. It wasn't anything insightful. I would hold him with his head at the breast while he screamed and bounce him until he relaxed enough to latch. We had a few feedings that started that way before he began to latch without the screaming. Within about a day, he seemed to actually be happy to nurse. Victory!

Since then we have been almost exclusively nursing, AND Jack has been sleeping through the night. I feel like a totally different person. I still worry just a little that he isn't getting enough milk from me, because he is a very quick nurser, but he seems to be pretty happy and has good awake time and good sleep, so I think he must be. I know it shouldn't be this big of a deal, but it is awesome. It makes me so happy!