STTN (Sleeping Through The Night)

It is true, my little man is already sleeping through the night. I've had several people, mostly other new moms, ask what we have done to get him to sleep through the night. People also tend to be in a bit of awe when they see how easy Lily goes to sleep and hear how she plays quietly in her crib when she wakes. I say we are blessed because I'm pretty sure that is mostly what has led to having good sleepers, well, and maybe a little genetics since we have no trouble sleeping. Still, there are a couple of things that I think have helped the process along.

I think the most important thing is that we tried pretty early on to get them into a pattern of eating, having awake time, then going to sleep. Getting used to going to sleep without nursing is huge. Then, when they do wake up a little during the night, they don't have to nurse to go back to sleep. I know that letting them cry it out is controversial, and I certainly don't advocate long periods of crying, but our children were almost always asleep after less than ten minutes (which may be the blessing part) and now go to sleep without crying at all. I think the video monitor helped me some with this because I could turn the sound off (it's hard to hear) and watch and know they were ok.

The other thing is that we don't get them up unless they are really awake and hungry. Jack makes all sorts of grunts and sounds during the night. Sometimes he even wines or cries a little, but he isn't really awake, so I don't get him up. When he is really awake, he lets us know! As Lily got older, we would leave her in her crib some in the morning while we were getting ready and she got used to just hanging out there and being happy. She sees it as a happy safe place where she likes to be. I'm not sure how that is going to transition when we move her to a toddler bed.

I think that having a bedtime routine that lets them know it's time for "long sleep" (at nap or night) also helps. With Lily we do a bath (every other night), then put on her pj's and sleep sack for Lily, then we brush her teeth, go in her room and let her turn off the light, and I sing her a little song before putting her in her crib. With Jack, I nurse him,  then change his diaper and swaddle him. He get's the pacifier and a little snuggly rocking before I put him in his bed.  I think this routine clues him in that this is different sleep than when he falls asleep in the swing or car seat during the day, which helps him sleep longer.

The final thing that helped both of our little ones early on was keeping them swaddled. I've noticed that both of them tended to startle and wake themselves up when they weren't swaddled. I really think it helps them sleep and Summer makes awesome Velcro swaddles that really make them feel cozy and safe. I left Lily swaddled when sleeping until she was probably four months! I'm not sure if it would work if you haven't done it since they were little. I doubt an older baby would want to be swaddled if they aren't used to it.

So, that is what we have done, and you can't argue with the results, but I know it doesn't work that way for everyone. I do think we have been truly blessed with pretty easy tempered little ones. 

Bedtime Blues and Bedtime Bliss

Bedtime has become an interesting struggle at our house. I'm not sure if Lily is starting to have some separation anxiety, is learning to manipulate us, or is legitimately upset for some reason, but for over a week she has been fighting going to sleep. We would lay her down in the crib at night or for naps and she would scream. Sometimes it would only last five minutes and sometimes it would require multiple trips into the room to soothe her. It didn't matter if I rocked her or nursed her until she was asleep (which I don't love getting in the habit of), as soon as her head hit the mattress the screaming would begin. It didn't even matter if I tried to lay her in the bed beside me (which I also don't want to become a habit, but is nice for a nap), as soon as she was out of my arms she would scream.

She even did it last night in the middle of the night, which was one of the first times ever she hasn't just gone right back to bed after nursing during the night (I know...I know...parents everywhere are groaning and saying in their best "lucky" in their best Napolean Dynamite voices). I finally just laid her down and let her "cry it out" at which point she preceded to dose between fits of crying for about a half hour before she finally fell asleep and slept the rest of the night. It was rough, though. I hate hearing her cry, especially at 1:30am. It is in those instances that I really wish she could tell me what was going on. I had no way to know if she was legitimately hungry, not feeling well, or just overly tired.

Tonight, however, I just put her to bed and after feeding her, and she didn't fuss at all. She smiled as I put her in the crib and played about five minutes before falling asleep. It was blissful, but I have no idea what was different from last night's bedtime battle. I think one of the hardest things about parenting for me is realizing that it's not an exact science. I can do the exact same thing tomorrow and get a different result! That is hard. I want to find the formula for blissful bedtimes and repeat it!

Sage Advice

On Thursday night I received some of the best advice about child rearing I've received to date! It was from a friend who adopted her son from Korea when he was six months old. While decorating cupcakes, we were talking about babies and sleep. I knew that sleep was initially a struggle for them, but that her son is now a pretty good sleeper. She started out saying that she couldn't really offer me much advice about bedtimes and such for Lily because she hasn't ever had a five month old baby, but then pointed out that even though she had absolutely no input into her son's first six months, he is now a healthy and well adjusted four year old. She extrapolated to the fact that you really can't screw them up too bad in those first six months. As someone who has struggled with the fear that I'm making wrong choices that will impact Lily in the future, I found that quite reassuring and encouraging! I will admit that those fears are quickly diminishing as time goes on and I've come to learn that everything with babies changes daily and that what is the "right" choice today might not be tomorrow. I do wish that she had given me that advice months ago! :)

The Results are In

Last week I ran a little poll about bedtime and babies. I really enjoy seeing the results of these polls and finding out what other families do. As it turns out 7pm is the most common bedtime among my readers with 8pm a close second. Lately we've been shooting for 7:30, but winding up closer to 8. I wish I had asked how many of you were strict about bedtime at this age. To that end, I've decided to add a follow up poll. Please vote to the right!

In terms of bedtime stories there was a tie between sometimes and every night. Two people responded never. I'm not sure if that means that some people didn't read to their child at all, that they didn't read at bedtime, or that they didn't read stories. The English teacher in me feels the need to remind you that reading to your kids even at this very young age is important! When I ask my students their favorite story from their childhood it us undoubtedly the ones that don't have one that struggle to read in my class. It doesn't have to be bedtime or even children's stores, but read your kid the newspaper, or Harry Potter, or whatever you are reading!

In terms of bath time almost everyone bathes their baby at bedtime. No one said morning or mid day, but I did have two people respond "other". Josh asked me what other meant and I told him it was probably people like us who bathe the baby when they notice she is dirty! :) Again, I wish I had asked the bath frequency, so please vote in the follow up poll to the right. I'm sort of ashamed of how rarely we bathe her, usually twice a week, but she really doesn't get that dirty and I'd hate to dry out her skin. She always gets a bath after a big dirty diaper!

Let me know if you, like me, enjoy these polls and I'll keep one going. Also let me know if you have a question you'd like to ask.

11 Hours!

I know...I know...we are crazy lucky, and I hate to gloat, but Lily has slept a glorious eleven hours the past two nights! Another new mom asked me today what our secret is and I honestly have absolutely no idea. It's funny because my last post and the accompanying polls were part of my attempt to discover the secret to baby sleep.

As previously posted, Lily had been waking up around 5:30am for a while. I then started putting her to bed earlier (around 7:30) and she was waking up around 3am. Then, Wednesday night, I went to an Ash Wednesday service and left her with Josh. He put her to bed around 7:30 and she slept until 6:30 the next morning. It was marvelous (despite the fact that I had trouble sleeping from 4am on thanks to the fact my body was used to nursing at 3). I joked that he was in charge of putting her to bed from now on!

Then last night I put her to bed around 8:30pm. She did wake up briefly and abnormally around 9:30pm (perhaps from a bad dream or gas?) and I had to briefly soothe her back to sleep, but after that she slept and I had to wake her up after 7:15 this morning to feed her before I left for work. I actually slept until my alarm clock went off. It was fantastic.

I have no idea what is making the difference. We are feeding her cereal now at least once a day, but we have done that for more than a week. We have also been reading her stories at night, but I don't really see how that could make her sleep longer. It might most possibly have something to do with swaddling. The last two nights we have left arms out when we swaddle her, but I'm not sure about the swaddle choice since it allows her to roll around more (last night while falling asleep, she did a full 360 degree rotation in her crib) and potentially, although it hasn't happened yet, roll over. I think that could be bad since she tends to get fussy when she rolls to her stomach. Josh noted, however, that it allows her to suck her thumb (another new habit which she even tries to do when nursing) and sooth herself when she wakes up or to play rather than to fuss, which is nice.

I'm sorry I don't have some magic formula to offer other moms. Heck, I wish I knew what made it happen so I can make sure we keep doing it. But, as I'm learning is true with many baby related things, there is no rhyme or reason. Whatever the reason, I am grateful for it and pray it continues!

Bed Time

I'm conducting a little bedtime research. Please give me your feedback in the polls on the right or leave a comment below. For all of the questions, imagine a six month old baby. Thanks!

5:30am

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining. Compared to many people with five month old babies we get a lot of sleep. In fact, I've never really felt all that sleep deprived after the first few days. It's just that we have started having a bit of a problem. For the last few weeks Lily has been regularly waking up around 5:30am. She eats and goes right back to sleep, but still...

This is really the worst possible time for her to wake up. It's just before I have to get up for work, and just late enough that it doesn't make sense for me to feed her again before I go to work at 7:20. This means that her entire eating and sleeping schedule for the day is off a bit, and I have to worry about her having enough milk for a potential third feeding.

There have been a few days when she sleeps until 7, which is optimal. I just can't figure out how to get her to regularly sleep until 7. I've tried putting her to bed later, but it doesn't seem to correlate with her sleeping later. Right now her regular afternoon schedule includes a nap around 5:30 that last anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour and a half (I can't find a correlation with that sleep and wake up time either), the a meal, then play time until 8:30 or 9ish (or sometimes 10) and then another meal and sleep. She goes to sleep really well and sleeps good until around 5:30.

I've tried adjusting the feedings, the afternoon nap, and the bed time, but can't seem to figure out what works. Part of me is considering dropping the afternoon nap and making 7pm bedtime, with the theory that I'd rather deal with a 3am feeding than a 5:30 one, but I'm not sure it would help and putting her to bed that early really limits our family together time and makes most of it be with a grouchy sleepy baby.

I'm just not sure what to do...any suggestions?

The Swaddle Dilemma

Since sometime during her first week home, when we discovered the magic, we have been swaddling Lily to sleep. It is amazing. She sleeps so well and I think much longer when she is in the swaddle. The time is coming, however, when we will not be able to swaddle her anymore. There is some disagreement in what I've read over how long you could/should swaddle. Some say you have to stop as soon as they can roll over so they'll have their hands out to push themselves back over if their face gets into the mattress. Others say swaddle them as long as they need it to feel comforted.

The thing is, I'm not sure how much she really needs it and how much of it is the whole me not wanting her to grow up thing. Her nanny doesn't swaddle her arms in when she puts her down for naps, and she seems to sleep pretty well. She sleeps well in the car seat or swing and isn't swaddled. Still, I'm sort of afraid to try it at night. I'm sort of in the "don't mess with a good thing" camp and she seems to be doing well in it. At night I see her sort of relax into it when I wrap her up and she is sleeping through the night almost all the time. Plus she makes a darn cute baby burrito!

Have any of you parents out there had experience with swaddling? How long did you wrap your little ones? I welcome your thoughts on the subject.

*Note the pink blanket under her head. That is there because Josh swears she told him she liked having a "pillow".

Are all Mom's this Sappy?

Judging by my memories of my own mom and Josh's mom's tears every time we leave after a visit, I think the answer is yes, but, I don't think I fully understood until Lily arrived.

Last night we moved Lily to her crib in her own room for the first time. I'd been intending to do this since right after Christmas, but kept putting it off for some reason. It wasn't that I thought it would bother her. She has been pretty easy in the sleep department until this week. Perhaps that is why I was able to put it off. After this week's sleeping debacles, we decided that perhaps we should move her to keep us from waking her up. After all, she is four months old; it really was time. I'm beginning to think that my friends who put their babies in their cribs from the start, have the right idea. It's hard thing to initiate.

And, while I did appreciate not having to tip-toe quietly around my own bedroom in semi-darkness, this transition was much harder on me than her, and much, much harder than I expected. I laid her down in the crib and she went right to sleep without even crying but a minute. I, on the other hand, walked into our room, saw the empty pack-n-play, and burst into tears.

I know part of it is that I am a creature of habit and don't like change, and some of it is being afraid I won't hear her if she needs me (how did people survive before monitors?). Most of it though, and I know this is going to sound ridiculous since she is only four months old, is that I feel sad that she is growing up so fast. On top of my returning to work, this move to her "bigger girl bed" is sort of another step towards her independence, and, while I want her to be a strong independent young lady, I'm not ready for it yet. Perhaps I'll never be quite ready. Perhaps this is what lots of mom's tears are about. I get the feeling that these are the first of many tears over her "growing up". I get it, Mom.

Shots and Sleepless Nights

I've seen the middle of the night way too much this week. Our normally good sleeping baby has had a rough week. I think she might have been going through a growth spurt the first part of the week. Monday she woke at 10pm and at 5am, which wasn't terrible. Wednesday night she woke at 11pm, 4am, and 6am, nursed and went back to sleep, which was a bit tough, especially since we got up at 3am to order iPhones! Last night, however, was the worst night we've had since her first week home.

Yesterday Lily went to the doctor for her four month check up and got some shots. I think they really made her sore and out of sorts. She woke up at 12:30am and was quite upset until about 2:30! Nothing would console her. She nursed for a while, but it never made her content and she would scream when she stopped. Then she got to where she wouldn't even nurse. I tried letting her "cry it out" twice, but she would only settle briefly before starting wail again. At one point she was asleep in my arms in our bed, but my arm was going numb and there was no way I could sleep in that position, so I tried to lay her down. This resulted in a return of the wail. Eventually I was able to give her some more tylenol (which I couldn't give her before 2am because she had had it at 8 before bed) and soothe her in bed until she was deep asleep enough for me to lay her down.

It was not fun for anyone, especially Josh who had to get up extra early this morning for work. He and I both got quite flustered and frustrated. The middle of the night hysteria started to set in and we both got short with each other. It was not our best partnering or parenting. As we finally fell asleep , I leaned over to him and whispered that I have no idea how people survive who have nights like this one on a regular basis. Then I sent up a silent prayer and plea that Lily would sleep the rest of the night. Thanks be to God that she did!

Baby Girl Clothes

Yesterday a friend an I went to the new outlets that opened in Mebane. They are pretty nice outlets and contain a Carters, Gymboree, Osh Kosh, and Children's Place outlet! Danger! Danger! My plan for the day was to buy shoes for myself and maybe one really warm sleeper for Lily. I had just purchased two at JC Penny on Friday and some slightly less warm ones from Walmart on Wednesday along with a Christmas outfit and Thanksgiving onsie, so I really didn't need any more. She has a ton of clothes. I know this. I've taken inventory. I know I shouldn't buy her more.

However, I came home with a bag from Carters containing two terry cloth sleepers and an outfit complete with jacket (which to be fair she didn't really have) and Children's Place containing an adorable knit dress and tights (totally impractical and frivolous, but adorable, and she needs something for church, right?). So, to recap, in the last five days I have purchased two lightweight cotton sleepers, one Christmas outfit, one Thanksgiving onsie, two warm fleece sleepers, two terry cloth sleepers, one outfit with jacket, and one dress and tights. I think I'm out of control.

You see, it's just very hard to resist. Little girl clothes are absolutely adorable, and they are cheap. The sleepers and onsie from Walmart were each $3, the Christmas outfit was $12, the ones from Carters and JC Penney were $7. The outfit with jacket was $12, and, well, we won't discuss the dress. :) In my mind I justify all of these purchases by their low price and the fact that I know she does go through more outfits than I had expected, but, in reality, I just can not resist the cuteness. However, between now and Christmas, heck, between now and when she needs a bigger size. I'm putting a moratorium on myself buying clothes for her! If you are shopping with me...make me stop!

A Poll...Please Vote

On the right side you will see I have posted a new poll. This is an issue I'm really struggling with. I'm not sure the poll will influence my parental decision making, but I'm curious. What do you think? I have several friends in both camps. I've read that letting your newborn cry teaches them that you don't care about them. I've read that it won't hurt them, but won't help them. I've read that it helps them learn to sooth themselves and sleep alone. I've read that it helps them expand excess energy.

I welcome your other comments and suggestions.

When Lily Cries...

...my heart breaks. As I sit here writing this post, Josh is upstairs rocking Lily and trying to comfort her and get her to sleep. This afternoon has been a bit of a rough one. I think Lily might be going through a growth spurt and is having a tough time napping because she thinks she is hungry. She hasn't really had a nap since 10am, which is very uncommon for her. Granted she has slept five minutes here and twenty minutes there, but in between she has nursed a lot, had bottles of breast milk and formula, and fussed way more than normal.

This is the hardest thing on a mom, or at least it is on me. I feel like she should be well fed (she nursed for a long time and had a bottle). She has a clean diaper. She is swaddled safe and warm. But still, she is not happy. I'm pretty sure she is exhausted, but I'm not sure how to fix it. Some say to let her cry. We've tried that, and it does work sometimes, but it is excruciating for me and doesn't always work. I try to cuddle and comfort her, but if I hold her she thinks she should be eating more even though I have nothing more to give her. So, Josh is giving it a try and...as of about three minutes ago...there is quiet! I pray it lasts.