Family Shopping

Before Lily was born, Josh and I had something of a tradition. Several times a year we would go shopping together for new wardrobe items. We have a sort of binge and purge clothes shopping habit where we buy a lot of things at once rather than over time. We decided that since I was on spring break and we could go during the day, today would be a good shopping day. Having Lily, however, drastically changed our day.

Honestly, it was sort of a debacle. We got a much later start than we had planned because Lily took a long morning nap. This seemed like a good thing because it allowed us to clean out the closet, but it in reality it meant we got to the stores just about the time they began to get busy. Lily obligingly fell asleep in the car on the way to the mall, and we had high hopes.

Once at the mall, however, she promptly woke up. She sat content in her stroller through exactly one store (babyGap), and then began to fuss. After a diaper change we transitioned her to the Moby wrap and headed toward our main destination, H&M. We had a good plan. Josh would shop for his clothes while I looked at the baby things. Then he would try his things on while I shopped for me. Then he would take Lily while I tried things on.

The plan had two flaws. I failed to take into account that H&M is a very popular store. The lines for the dressing rooms and check outs were each around thirty minutes long. I also failed to realize before getting into the long dressing room line, that it was time to feed the baby. Josh was already in his dressing room, so I was left trying to juggle the fussy baby while mixing up a bottle and pushing the stroller through the fitting room line, but, being halfway in, I didn't want to give up my spot! Needless to say, there was some screaming from her, rising blood pressure for me, and Josh, who could hear her from his room, hurrying to try on his things.

Once he came out, he took Lily and set in the floor in a corner and fed her while I hurried to try on a few things. I only tried on half of what I planned to because I felt bad about leaving my sad baby. The one thing I liked they didn't have in the right size and color! I found nothing. :(

Josh walked around trying to keep Lily content while I stood in the check out line for half an hour to purchase his items and one cute romper for Lily. Everyone around me was frustrated and muttering. It was really quite ridiculous. I know they have some good deals, and Josh always finds shirts he likes, but it is just not worth it to me to shop there.

We all three left hot, frustrated, and exhausted. With no energy to even go to any other stores, we headed home. In the car, I cried. Silly I know...it was just a shopping trip. It wasn't really a big deal. Still, I was sad. I was sad that I didn't have time to shop in any of the stores I like. I was sad that I left with nothing new and fun for me. I was sad and mad that one store was so frustrating and took so long. I was sad because I feel like my Spring break is almost over and these family days are drawing to an end. I felt like a bad mom because I didn't feed her before getting in the fitting room line. I felt selfish because deep down, for the first time, I was missing the ease of life before Lily. I honestly wished it was just Josh and I today, but I felt bad about feeling that way, thus I cried.

My husband, in his infinite wisdom, has, since we left the mall, managed to convinced me that it is ok to want to do things without her and that it is obviously more difficult to do things with her. He has promised me that soon we will get a babysitter and spend a day shopping, just the two of us. Part of me feels bad for wanting that, but most of me realizes that it is perfectly normal and that we should, at times, enjoy life as two instead of three. It is all just one of the many adjustments of motherhood.