Returning to Work

I've been working on this post ever since our return from the holidays, but, to be honest, it makes me upset every time I sit down to write it, so it's taken a while to publish.

I am absolutely dreading returning to work. There...I said it, well, wrote it.

Don't get me wrong. I totally miss teaching. I miss my students. I miss the people I work with. I miss lesson planning (I can't say I miss grading). It has been hard for me to trust someone else with my classes. If I could go to work and take Lily with me, I'd go tomorrow.

What I dread is the leaving her behind. I just can't imagine going through a day without feeding her every few hours or napping with her on me on the couch. I've gotten so accustom to having her with me wherever I go, I feel like there will be a void without her. I also know that part of this is my acknowledged control freak tendency. I know part of me feels like I am the only one who knows how to take care of her. Logically, I know that isn't true, but every time I think about it, I cry.

I know that she will be taken care of. I know that we are incredibly lucky to have in home care by a friend we trust. I know that as a teacher my day ends fairly early and I'll have a lot of time home with her. I know that I'll have Spring break, and Summer, and hopefully some snow days. Yet somehow none of this helps the way I feel every time I think about it.

Just this past week I've had the opportunity to talk to several other working moms, and they've all said the same thing. It is hard, but the anticipation of it is worse than the reality. They said that after a few days you get used to the new reality, and you are busy with work, and you don't worry as much. With only nine days until I go back, I sincerely hope that they are right!