Feeding Lily in Public

Today was the first time I had to feed Lily during an outing. Sure, we've gone to friends houses and I've fed her there, but that is different. If it's just girls, I have no problem baring my boob, and if there are guys around I use my nursing cover (hilariously called an udder cover) or her blanket. No big deal. Today, however, my friend and I were out at the mall and not planning to return home for a while, so I had to find a way to feed her.

I probably would have been fine sitting on a bench with my nursing cover , but Kelly suggested an even better place. The Nordstrom womens lounge. If you've never been in one of these, you should check it out (guys...get a woman to make sure it's vacant first). It is amazing. Not only is there a nice changing area complete with sink, but there are several chairs and a couch. The lighting is mellow. See the picture...it is wonderful.

I also learned today, that it is a great place to meet and chat with other moms. On a busy shopping day, it is a happening location. Today there was a woman and her mom with 6 month old twins and another woman with a three month old. While we all fed our babies we engaged in some friendly conversation about raising babies. It was lovely.

So, moms, if you are ever in need of a quiet place to nurse while at the mall, check out the Nordstrom womens lounges!

Support Group

It is amazing how therapeutic it can be to hang out with other new moms. Today Lily and I spent most of the day with a friend who's baby boy is a week younger than Lily and another friend who has a two and a half year old and is expecting her second child in about two months. Yes, we spent a lot of the time talking about our babies, but none of us seemed to mind. Hilariously at one point, during Lily's diaper change, we were all comparing baby poops!

This is awesome since a lot of my friends, especially the ones who don't have babies, probably get tired of me talking about Lily all the time. I really try to not talk about her exclusively, but it's hard since she is really what takes up most of my time. I'm learning that I need both types of support groups. I need people that I can talk to about things other than Lily, because, even though she is the center of my world, if I never talk about anything else I'll go crazy. But, I also need people who don't mind discussing breastfeeding, diapers, and sleep patterns.

As you can expect, all of our children are different and we all have different successes and different struggles, but it was just so rejuvenating to hang out. I could openly nurse Lily and not worry if she cries. Stopping for a mid-conversation diaper change was no big deal. There was no pressure to have a "good" baby because they all understand. It was truly lovely, and I'm going to make an effort to make this type of support group a regular thing.

Wearing my Baby!

I have decided that I absolutely love my Moby Wrap. A few weeks ago, I posted that I didn't think Lily loved being in it, but that has certainly changed. I'm not sure if it's that I've switch her position from the cradle hold (seen here) to the hug hold (below), or just that she and I have gotten more used to it, but it is now her favorite place to be. If she is fussy, I can put her in it and walk around and she will almost instantly fall asleep. The other night we attended a Halloween Party at a friends house and as soon as she started fussing, I put her in the Moby and was able to socialize, eat (the wonder of having two free hands), and just generally enjoy myself all with her tucked up close and sleeping happily despite all the noise and everything. It was awesome.

Another wonderful thing about the Moby is that it reduces the number of people who want to hold and touch her. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a huge germaphobe or overly concerned about others holding her, but with flu season on its way and lots of colds and such going around. I'd rather keep her as healthy as possible. I also think limiting the passing around also helps keep her happy, which is possibly the most important thing.

I'll admit that the Moby takes some time for both baby and mom to get used to, and it can be a bit warm in a warm room, but I would totally recommend it to anyone! Just give it some time, you'll love it!

My Favorite Time of Day

My favorite time of Lily's day has the be the nightly Daddy time. I say this not only because it is time when I get a break, but also because I absolutely love to watch Josh with her. Each night, usually around 7pm, Josh gives Lily a bottle and spends some time talking to and snuggling with her. At first he was a little hesitant about giving the bottle and was awkward when trying to burp her, but now he's got it down. He usually asks her about her day and talks to her about his. Occasionally he will sing to her. It is adorable.

This is the time of day when she has a tendency to get fussy, but Josh really has a way of calming her down. She will look up at him and make faces and is even starting to "baby talk" to him sometimes. He loves to kiss her on the head and tell her how special and pretty she is. It is possibly the cutest thing in the world and makes my heart happy!

The next two nights Josh is out of town in Virginia speaking at William and Mary and recruiting for his program. While this is a honor and we are very proud of him, I think Lily and I will both greatly miss the nightly Daddy time. He is such a great dad!

Wearing My Pre-Pregnancy Jeans!

Today Lily is five weeks old and I am wearing my first pair of pre-pregnancy jeans! Granted, they were my "fat" jeans before, but still. Today, when we went to vote, the lady at the poll went on and on about how I did not look like I just had a baby. I've had quite a few people tell me this, and it is really quite flattering. I don't want to brag, but I am sort of proud of myself. Not that I've really done anything to loose the weight, but I do think my efforts to not gain a lot while pregnant have come into play. I think that nursing has also helped, and, although it hasn't been easy, I'm glad I stuck with it. Now, I just need to find a way to loose those last ten pounds, but something tells me that if I'm just a little judicious with my calories, carting Lily around will help with those!

The whole loosing 20lbs almost instantly has been really weird. I have to admit that it's really strange to look at pictures of myself from just five weeks ago and see how huge I was. I know some of it was baby weight, but there was also a lot of water retention that I didn't even realize. There was one day, about a week after Lily was born, when I suddenly realized that my feet and hands were small again. It was really crazy. It's also funny how you get used to moving through space with a big belly, and it took me a few days to realize that I didn't have to squat, I could actually bend at the waist! It's really all been a little surreal.

When Lily Cries...

...my heart breaks. As I sit here writing this post, Josh is upstairs rocking Lily and trying to comfort her and get her to sleep. This afternoon has been a bit of a rough one. I think Lily might be going through a growth spurt and is having a tough time napping because she thinks she is hungry. She hasn't really had a nap since 10am, which is very uncommon for her. Granted she has slept five minutes here and twenty minutes there, but in between she has nursed a lot, had bottles of breast milk and formula, and fussed way more than normal.

This is the hardest thing on a mom, or at least it is on me. I feel like she should be well fed (she nursed for a long time and had a bottle). She has a clean diaper. She is swaddled safe and warm. But still, she is not happy. I'm pretty sure she is exhausted, but I'm not sure how to fix it. Some say to let her cry. We've tried that, and it does work sometimes, but it is excruciating for me and doesn't always work. I try to cuddle and comfort her, but if I hold her she thinks she should be eating more even though I have nothing more to give her. So, Josh is giving it a try and...as of about three minutes ago...there is quiet! I pray it lasts.

Baby Poops!

I knew that babies poop a lot. I had heard that a newborn will go through as many as ten diapers a day. Still, I was not really prepared for the quantity of poop that Lily would generate. It is truly shocking. At this point, Lily is four weeks old and we have gone through at least 250 diapers*! That's not including all of the ones she used that first week in the hospital.

Granted, a few of those diapers were "wasted" because she peed or pooped as I was in the changing process. Which, is also shocking by the way. I've heard of baby boys spraying their parents, but never expected it from my little girl. Apparently, if she needs to go bad enough, she can get quite some spray. Needless to say, I've learned quickly to open the diaper and wait posed to recover!

The other shocking thing about Lily's poops is the sound. You definitely know when she has filled her diaper because you can hear it from across the room! It is hard to imagine that such a precious little one can generate the grossest squishy sound. Josh tends to turn his head and walk away every time he hears it (although he has changed a few). She also makes this really funny face! It is so funny that we decided to capture it on film! You can watch it here! Make sure to let it play all the way through to the end.

*A note about diapers - We've set up an Amazon Mom account to "subscribe" to diapers (and formula) which we found to be the best deal. We have now tried three different kinds and Pampers Baby Dry are the ones with the least amount of leaks. Lily's little legs are so small that the Target and Babies-R-Us brand diapers all had very leaky legs, which led to changes of clothes for Lily (and sometime me) every time she pooped.

Life with Lily!

Life with Lily is finally settling in. Once we started feeding her enough, we discovered that she is really a very good baby. She eats well, has some happy awake time, and then goes to sleep. We've been able to take her out quite a bit. Last Friday we went to Josh's DRT concert and she was great! She's been to Target, the mall, Parker and Otis, and even Weaver Street (which celebrated her first visit with a marching band!).

The fact that she is pretty easy to take out is absolutely wonderful for me. We go somewhere almost every day. While I love her more than words and do spend a large amount of time holding her and looking at her, I also get a bit bored. For me, going out to visit friends or shopping has been an essential part of feeling normal! Josh and I live a pretty active life and I'm so happy that Lily seems to be ready for it!

Now I'm just trying to decide what is the best vehicle for taking her out. She loves to be in her car seat in the car or a stroller, and most of the time I just leave her in there, but I'm debating other methods of carrying her. We've tried her in the Moby wrap some around the house and she likes it sometimes, but also gets upset fairly easily. A friend loaned me a Slingaroo sling to try, and while she was content in it, I thought it was a little uncomfortable for me. I also have a Jeep version of a baby bjorn a friend gave us, which I want to try. I've also heard wonderful things about the Ergo carrier and would like to try one of those. Any suggestions/ideas?

First Family Photos

Welcome Lily Jayne Hall!

This past weekend my friend Star flew up from Florida to visit with us and take some pictures of Lily. She is a truly amazing photographer and I LOVE the shots we got. Here are a few samples.



More are available on facebook, and even more on Star's photography site. Let me know if you'd like access to all of them!

3 Weeks Old!

Wow...I can't believe Lily is three weeks old. On one hand it seems like time has flown by and on the other they have been some of the longest three weeks of my life. I'm over blogger block enough now to admit that it has been really tough and there have been a lot of tears. I blame most of them on the hormones, but this whole being a mom thing really is the toughest thing I've ever done.

You see, I'm a person who likes to be in control and do the "right" thing. As it turns out, this is not possible with a infant. I have spent many hours wondering and worrying if I am doing what is right for Lily, but now am starting to realize that I have to trust my instinct and realize that as long as I love her (which I do more than I ever thought possible), feed her, and change her diaper, she'll be fine.

As noted in the last post, the feeding piece has been a bit of a challenge. But today, perhaps because time has passed, perhaps because of the good report from the doctor, perhaps because of receding hormones, I finally feel somewhat at peace for the first time since before her birth. I can feel myself starting to trust that everything is going to be okay and that Josh and I can do this.

I want to say a huge thank you to all of you who have shared your wisdom and support these first weeks. You have no idea how much it has helped both of us when we felt at our wits end to know that others had been there and survived. We are so blessed to have such an amazing group of family and friends.

Feeding Lily

So, the first few days Lily was home we thought she was going to be an amazing baby because she would eat, then sleep for a long time. Come to find out, that's not really that great. After two weeks Lily had not gained any weight. Apparently she was to sleepy because she was hungry and yet too tired to nurse. After a few days, this started to make her quite fussy because she wanted to eat, but then fell asleep eating, but then was upset to still be hungry. We hit a wall of trying everything we could think of to soothe her vs. allowing her to cry (which is torture for mom!). Turns out that the poor thing was running on low batteries. So, this week we started supplementing her nursing with some bottles.

At first I was really upset about this. I really wanted to nurse her exclusively, and felt like something of a failure for not being able to provide enough for her. I started to wonder what I had done wrong along the way. But, thanks to the encouragement of some good friends and Josh, I've come to terms with it. She only gets a few ounces of formula or a few of pumped breast milk along with her normal nursing, and it has made a world of difference! She can now have some happy awake time (for the first time) and sleeps soundly when she is asleep. Josh enjoys being able to comfort her. It is wonderful for all of us. In the last four days, she has gained 8 ounces, and at three weeks, she is back above her birth weight at 7lb 3oz!

Blogger Block

I think I have blogger's block. Every time I sit down to blog I feel overwhelmed by all the things I want to share. There have been so many new experiences the last few days: the first night alone with her at the hospital, bringing her home, the first pediatrician visit, feeding, sleeping, diapering, crying, the first bath, visiting with family and friend, and much more. But, every time I sit down to write, I get emotional and things don't seem to come out right. Overall our little girl is precious. We are struggling a bit to get into a routine where she will sleep without having to nurse to pacify herself, but on the whole she eats, sleeps, and diapers well. I think that is about all we can ask for as parents of a two week old.

Life in the Hospital & Beautiful, Helpful People

I'm not going to lie, it was no fun living in the hospital. I was a patient from Monday, the 27th - Thursday the 29th and a resident while Lily was still a patient through the 31st with only two short trips out of the hospital for around an hour each. It was rough to be a patient, and even rougher to be discharged and have Lily still there.

As a patient there were constantly people coming in to check on or talk to us. I was really amazed at all of the different representatives that had to visit us at some point. It was quite funny to have someone come in to check my vitals only to have my nurse come in a half hour later and do the same thing. There were representatives of all sorts of hospital groups and patient relations. The most humorous was the anesthesiologist (or probably a resident) who came in while I was in labor to make sure my "airway wasn't compromised" in case they were needed. He stood no closer than three feet from the bed, never touched me, and had me open my mouth and stick out my tongue.

Then there was the hospital food. It is shocking how little healthy food is available in the hospital. I did get three meals a day while I was there, but they were astoundingly heavy and not at all what I was in the mood for at any point in time. There were biscuits and gravy, two lunches of fried chicken, and something called beef and broccoli that looked disgusting. The cafeteria wasn't much better. The options there were mostly pizza, burgers, etc. Luckily we had some friends bring in Panera and Josh was able to go out and get us some healthier options.

It was truly the most exhausting and frustrating five days of my life. There were, however, some amazingly beautiful people that made things as good as they could be given the situation. I had an amazing birth team and all of the nurses that took care of me in my postpartum room were fantastic. They were great at being compassionate to our specific situation and truly made me feel like they cared about us. The NICU nurses and doctors (with the exception of one "old school" nurse) taking care of Lily were also fantastic. They did everything they could to accommodate us and try to do what was best for everyone involved. Even the lactation consultants, although a bit pushy at times, were amazing in advocating for us to get a sleep room once I was discharged and Lily was still in the hospital. All in all we were very blessed to have such beautiful, helpful people taking care of us all. Still, it is very nice to be home!

The NICU Messes With Your Head

Because Lily had aspirated meconium and had her cord compressed during birth she spent her four days in the hospital in the NICU. Let me tell you, that is not an easy thing for a mom to live through. It is really tough to see your tiny helpless infant strapped to all of those wires and cords and tubes. It makes holding them difficult (when you get to hold them) and feeding them even more tricky. It's hard to spend much time there visiting, let alone nursing, because it's just not a private place. This was hard for Josh too. Having not spent much time with babies at all, it was even more difficult for him to manipulate one with all those cords and he wanted me to have as much time with her as I could, so it really limited his time holding her. But what is worse than all that is the way it messes with your head.

For me, I began to see my little Lily, who was full term and mostly healthy, as very fragile. I began to look to the monitors constantly to make sure she was ok. Every ding or beep made me afraid that something was wrong (when usually it just meant a kink in some wire). The first night I had Lily in the room with me without the monitors I kept freaking out and wondering how I would know if something was wrong. I realize, of course, that I can look at my baby and know how she is doing, but I still think that her time in the NICU left lingering doubts in my head about her well being. I just have to keep reminding myself that she is fine and healthy now.

Lily is 1 Week Old!

And what a week it has been. Sorry I haven't had more time to blog, but I'm sure all you parents out there can understand. It has been the most wonderful, terrible, exciting, scary, emotional, exhausting week I could ever imagine, and there is so much to say I don't even know where to start. I have a back log of about 10 things I want to post, but I guess I'll start at the beginning and commemorate the day of Lily's birth by telling the story of her birth.

I went in for a doctor appointment last Monday, the 27th, because I was one week past due. They scheduled a non-stress test and ultrasound to check on the baby. The ultrasound revealed that she was low on amniotic fluid and the doctor recommended induction. I was quite upset about this because I had really wanted a natural labor, but how do you refuse when the alternative could be harmful to your baby. So, Josh and I came home, packed a few things, and returned to the hospital at 8pm.

The did a foly bulb catheter through my cervix to put weight on it and help it start to open, gave me an ambien, and we all went to sleep. We woke up the next morning and began the pitocin induction. They started out at very low level and ramped it up from there, and while I had contractions on the monitor, I didn't feel any until around 4:30 that afternoon. Josh and I had just been discussing how slow things were going when I heard (or maybe felt) may water break. When it broke the midwife discovered that there was some meconium (or baby poop) in the water. She explained that this was common, but that they would have a NICU team on hand at the delivery just in case.

Honesty, I don't remember much of the time between 4:30 and 11:40 that night. I know that there was a lot of painful contractions, many position changes, and at least one moment when I considered getting an epidural. But, with the help of my amazing husband, great doula, and a team of two midwives and a nurse, I pushed (literally) through. I do know that I ended up pushing for around two hours and that the baby was crowning for about fourty-five minutes. It hurt. That's all I can really say about that.

At 11:41pm little Lily entered the world. As it turns out she had aspirated some meconium and had her cord compressed along the side of her head during birth, so they quickly cut the cord and took her to the NICU team. It was incredibly scary to not know how she was doing. Josh followed her and was watching them as they had to suction her lungs and give her oxygen. At first she was limp and greyish, but as soon as she heard Josh's voice talking to her, she opened her eyes and looked at him.

They were able to bring her and let me hold her for a few minutes before taking her to the NICU, which gave me some assurance that she was not in too bad of shape, but it was still very scary. That night was a tough one as we were taken to see her in her bubble for about five minutes and couldn't even hold her, then returned to our room without her. Out of exhaustion, we slept. The midwives, doula, and nurses were all very reassuring that this was not all that uncommon and that she would be better in no time. Thank goodness they were all right!