Ah...The Pregnancy Hormones

So, for most of this pregnancy, I've been relatively sane. You hear of women who become depressed, have drastic mood swings, or who are mean to their friends and family for no reason. I don't think that has happened to me (although I guess Josh would have to confirm). After the initial fear of something going wrong passed, I've been fairly emotionally stable.

Until Tonight. Ok...there was the episode a few weeks ago, but I feel like that was a stressful situation and there was at least some reason for me to be upset. Tonight, it was the barista's fault. Ok, maybe not his fault, but he was the catalyst.

Josh and I went to a coffee shop on 9th street to meet with a potential doula (who was great, by the way, that will be another post). We were a bit early so we ordered some drinks. He a mocha and me a "pina colada" smoothie. I thought it would have fresh juices in it, based on the description, but instead it was super sweet with those coffee shop syrups. It was really pretty gross. Josh told me I should go get a different drink, and thus began the emotional spiral.

I felt bad about getting rid of a drink that we paid almost $5 for, but at the same time I did not want to give my baby all of that sugar. I felt they should take it back, but I didn't want to seem difficult and ask them to. So, I go to the counter, explain that it was too sweet for me and ask what might be a bit less sweet. Hoping they'll offer to swap it and willing to pay for another if they don't. They don't offer, in fact, they act (at least to my perception) like I'm really bothering them. They don't really answer my questions about the other drinks, so I sort of slink back to my seat almost in tears, still holding the gross smoothie just as the doula comes in.

I fight the first wave of tears while she orders her drink and I manage get things somewhat under control long enough to talk to her. But, as soon as we are in the car, the tears come back. Josh and I tried to talk about the doula, but I felt irrationally teary. Now it's an hour later and I'm not really sure why I'm still crying. I just feel fragile. It must be the pregnancy hormones. I'm off to try to fight them with a bath, a novel, and some sleep. Wish me luck.

Some New Baby Pictures! Almost 18 weeks.

This one features her lovely profile

A rather skeletal profile

An up close profile

Josh says she looks like me.

This shows her little bottom, nothing between the legs.
Her daddy says this is the last picture of this that will ever be taken!
Here we see her head and an arm

Cravings

People ask me frequently if I'm having any strange cravings. During the first trimester I had a lot of food aversions. I couldn't stand the smell or taste of broccoli, and lots of other things grossed me out as well. Now that I'm well into the second trimester, the cravings have begun! Luckily for baby and for my waistline, I've mostly been craving fruit.

Watermelon has quickly become my absolute favorite food. Too bad it's a bit early for watermelon season! I've still been buying overpriced quarters of melon from the store. I've been eating it for breakfast, with lunch, as a snack, with dinner, and for dessert. If no one but me eats it, and I ration it, it will last two days. One day last week some friends stopped buy and gave us a quarter of their left over watermelon. God bless them, it was wonderful!

So, for those of you wondering, yes, I'm having cravings. Mostly for watermellon, but almost any sweet juicy fruit will do!

It's a GIRL!

My 2nd trimester ultrasound was originally scheduled for this coming Tuesday, but because we had plans to come home this weekend for Josh's dad's 60th birthday, we moved it back to Thursday. I have to admit that we were both pretty sure it was a girl and I was, despite my original hesitation, dying to find out if we were right.

It was such an awesome experience. It was good to have our speculations confirmed as our little girl was definitely not modest, but it was even better just to see her. Even though I can't feel it yet, she was really swimming around in there. I am amazed by the technology that allowed us to see the blood flowing to her heart and spine and to check her brain and other organs. She measured exactly the right size for her due date and everything looked wonderfully perfect!

This weekend we have been in Pulaski telling our family the news. They are all super excited. Now my parents will have a grandson (Hillary's son Jesse) and a granddaughter. Josh's family hasn't had a little girl around in a really long time, so they are ecstatic. Now we just have to figure out how to limit their pink and purple purchases! :)

I've been busy!

Life has been busy the last week. Josh and I are working diligently to start a vegetable garden, and, now that I'm feeling good, we've been out and about quite a bit. Plus, I'm back to teaching full time as my student teacher nears graduation. All of this means that I haven't been blogging much, which is sad. I have lots to say, so hopefully I'll have time to sit down and write more soon. In the mean time, I have to share something hilarious that happened at work today.

There are some very interesting characters that I teach with. Today, one woman, who I know pretty well, came up to me and rubbed my belly. As I've said before this doesn't bother me much, but I have to admit that her comments were a bit shocking.

"Mamie, you've been up to hoochie stuff and left the evidence! Didn't you know you shouldn't leave any evidence?"

How funny is that! I have to admit that I haven't really thought about it like that before!

Do I need a Doula?

Last night Josh and I had dinner with a friend who is a big advocate of natural child birth. She had both of her children with very little intervention, and swears by the importance of the support of a doula. I do think that it will help my efforts to "go natural" that I am using the midwife practice instead of a typical OB, but we're still undecided about the need for a doula.

On one hand, I can see how it will be very helpful to have someone around who has assisted in hundreds of births. I like the idea of a personal advisor when it comes to the many decision involved in labor and delivery. Let's face it, I've never done this before and don't really know what I'm doing. Josh knows even less. No books can really prepare you. It would be nice to have someone who is objective and knowledgeable on hand through the whole process.

On the other hand, I like the idea of labor and birth as an intimate time for Josh and I, and I'm unsure how I feel about anyone else being there all the time. I already know that I do not want family or friends in the labor and delivery room with us (not that I don't love you guys), but I'm not sure how I feel about someone we hardly know. I guess it would just depend on the doula and the rapport we developed with her.

Anyone out there used a doula before? Any good insight or recommendations? As always, I welcome your feedback!

Babymoon Day 3 & 4

So, although this is about day 3 & 4, I have to start with dinner on day 2. We decided to check out S.N.O.B., a restaurant that had been recommended by a friends brother and highly rated on Yelp. The initials stand for Slightly North of Broad, but we actually found the acronym fairly suiting. The food was pretty good, but the staff felt slightly pretentious. They were slightly snippy at us for arriving ten minutes before our reservation. Josh had shrimp and grits, and although more tomato based than he expected, it was good. I had a decadent filet mignon topped with deviled crab and a bearnaise sauce. As we wandered back to the hotel, we stopped in a few of the market shops that were still open, and Josh got an interesting t-shirt. You'll have to ask him about it.

Day three we awoke to what sounded like construction and leaf blowing inside our room. Note that older hotels are not very sound proof and that adorable brick alley has great acoustics! We went ahead and got up and ready. Our breakfast was once again delivered to the room, I could get used to that. We had decided to spend the day at Magnolia Plantation, so we got in the car for the first time since arriving and headed north of Charleston. The plantation garden was very pretty and the marsh grounds and slave cabins were interesting, although the house tour was not really what you would expect of a grand southern plantation, probably because the original house was burnt in the "Great Unpleasantness" as they called the Civil War, and this one was rebuilt in pieces by a destitute family. We did learn that rice, not cotton was the main crop in that area before the war, which was news to me!

We spent most of the day at the plantation and came back to the hotel for a short rest before heading to FIG for dinner. FIG was AMAZING. FIG stands for Food Is Good, and, like last night, this was an apt description. All of their dishes are based on whatever ingredients local farms deliver to them daily! We started with an amazing polenta with wild leeks and asparagus. I though Josh was going to lick the plate after he finished his striped bass, and my pork chop was fantastic as well. We finished it all off with a chocolate lava cake and mint chocolate chip ice cream. It was all delicious and the atmosphere and staff were inviting and warm. Our very nice waitress even made me a virgin mojito! If you are ever in Charleston, go to FIG.

We headed back to the hotel after dinner and after trying to watch American Idol (Fox was having some issues) I turned in for the night knowing we have to get up early today and get back on the road. We had a very uneventful (except for a stop at Cracker Barrel for lunch) drive back to Durham. Although vacation was a lot of fun, it's pretty nice to be sitting on my deck with my computer in my lap and my cats at my feet. The best part is that I still have five days before I have to go back to work! Yay for Spring Break!

Babymoon Day 1 & 2

For now, the baby blog has become a travel blog!

Yesterday, Josh and I began our journey to Charleston for our babymoon. We decided it would be more interesting to take back roads than all interstate, so we got off of I-40 onto US 701. This is mostly a two lane road through some very rural parts of North and South Carolina. For the most part, it was a relaxing and scenic drive. I have to say that I was overly excited to spot a Sonic for lunch!

We arrived in Charleston around 6pm and checked in at the Fulton Lane Inn. This is a super cute historical building right in the heart of downtown. Somehow we were lucky enough to get the only standard king room with a jacuzzi tub!

We took a walk through the city market, but almost everything was closed at this time on a Sunday night. We spent some time online trying to find a good restaurants and made reservations for the next two nights, but couldn't find anything available right away. Josh was craving steak, so we looked for a good place for dinner. As it was getting late, we ended up settling for the Southend Smokehouse & Brewery. The ice tea was strange and the service wasn't great, but Josh had some good ribs and my BBQ sandwich was tasty.

This morning we woke up shortly before breakfast was delivered to our room. A standard courtesy at the inn! We were afraid it was going to be a rainy day, but the sun came out around 10am. After much time spent reading tourist books and studying Yelp reviews, we decided we would spend the day as total tourists, and headed off to book harbor and carriage tours. On our way to the tour booth, we wandered through the city market, now bustling with vendors selling everything from homemade sweet grass baskets to knock off sunglasses, and Josh bought me a cute wooden bracelet.

After getting our tickets for the harbor and carriage tour, we grabbed a bite of lunch at the Noisy Oyster. Josh had delicious mahi tacos, and I had a very good salad. The service was a bit spotty and the outdoor atmosphere was marred by construction across the street, but our waiter was contentious of our need to hurry before our tour, which was nice.

From there, we walked a few block to the harbor for our Charleston Harbor Tour. I'm typically somewhat skeptical of things like this that target tourists, but this one had a lot of good reviews and for good reason. It was quite interesting. It was about an hour and a half and we learned all sorts of things about Charleston. The tour included just enough history to be interesting to a history buff like me, but not too much to bore those less interested in history, i.e. Josh. It was also really cool that there were dolphins swimming very close to the boat!

After our Harbor Tour, we walked back into the center of town to catch our Palmetto Carriage tour. I choose this company because they are one of the oldest in Charleston and have the best record of care for their animals. They use a team of mules to pull their carriages instead of horses because they are better suited to the work. Like the harbor tour, this was totally worth the money. It lasted about an hour and was a nice, quiet, way to see many of the interesting and historical sites of the town. Our guide threw in a good mix of history, architecture, and travel tips.

After this busy day of site seeing, we are currently back in the room taking a rest. We have reservations tonight at S.N.O.B. or Slightly North of Broad, which promises to be delicious. More on that to come later.

Warning...this is weird!

So, when looking for a funny maternity picture to post with the last post, I came across this website with pregnant belly art! It is strangely fascinating! Will someone with artistic talent please paint my belly when it gets huge? I really like the stork and the rainbow.

**Click on the picture for a closer look!**

To Maternity or not to Maternity, that is the question.

I am at a strange clothing place right now. I do have a little baby bump, enough to make some of my pants fit funny, but not so much that maternity pants are really necessary. I have on great pair of jeans that were already elastic in the waist, so they are good. I have two pairs of khaki pants that were too big before, and they fit good now. I also have a few skirts that work, but that is about it.

Last week I was feeling the stress of this, and my hubby wanted to check out the new H&M in Raleigh. I went for him, knowing that it would be foolish for me to by any "regular" clothes right now. I was surprised, however, to find that H&M has a maternity section and a baby section. AWESOME! Sadly, I didn't really fit in any of those maternity clothes yet, but it was a good discovery.

It is just really hard to know what to wear when. I know that I will continue to grow, so I do not want to invest a lot in things that won't fit for long. How do you know what you'll need next month? I have several friends who have recommended the belly band, so I think I'll invest in one of those soon. Hopefully, with that, I can make it a few more weeks without going maternity.

I am very lucky, however, to have quite a few friends who are willing to part with/share their things. It seems to me like maternity clothes are the perfect hand me downs. You don't wear them long, and you only need them for a season.

A very sweet friend of mine already offered me two boxes of maternity clothes. I was super excited. The problem, however, is that this friend is tiny! I am getting less tiny, especially in the bust region, every day. I was able to fit into a few of the things now, which I'm sure were things she wore at the END of her pregnancy, but it's a start. She did tell me that she was able to get her things on Craig's list, so I think I'll check that out.

Other friends have also offered some of their clothes on loan, because they plan to have future children. I'm wary of this because I know that I tend to be sort of hard on clothes. I pick a few things I like and wear them out. I also tend to be clumsy and have quite a few stained things. I would hate to ruin things friends loan me. What to do? What to do?

Thus begins my journey of finding clothes that fit.

Child Care?!?!?!?

Okay, this baby is still six months away from being born. It is currently the size of a lemon, and I'm not going back to work until January 2011, but I'm already a bit stressed about finding childcare. It all started last week when I guy I teach with was talking about their search for child care. Their baby is due in May and his wife is returning to work in September. They've been look for the last few weeks and quite a few places have no openings.

Another friend who works at a private school that has day care, expressed that they have a similar situation. They have two infant openings for fall and several people already interested in those spots. It seems that many child care centers have a 18 month waiting list!

18 MONTHS! How is that possible when you only know you are going to have a baby for 9 months and very few people can take another 9 months off work! I'm thinking I can take three or maybe four, that means I'm only 9 months away from needing child care! Thus, the searching and researching have began.

The Good News: There are a lot of really great day care centers very close to where we live and work.

The Bad News: Most of these places are crazy expensive and many will make me pay for 12 months even if I want to keep my own child in the summer!

This didn't seem to be a problem when we were growing up. Many moms stayed home and there was lots of family around to help care for the little one. My sister and I went to work with mom for a while, then to "Nanny", a woman who kept several kids in her house. Josh went to "Granny", the same situation. There were no stars and certifications. How did our parents know these people and know they were safe. There is still in home care, but that is tricky. How do you know if the person is trust worthy? What do you do when that person is sick or out of town?

Help! I welcome any advice, recommendations, and referrals you can offer!

Hooray for Heartbeats!

Today was my second prenatal visit. As I previously mentioned, I was a bit worried that something might be wrong. I can not express how happy hearing those healthy heartbeats makes me. Listening to the heartbeat was basically the only thing we did today, but it was totally worth the time. Hooray for a good strong, healthy heartbeat!

Touchin' the Bump.

The touching of the baby bump is a really interesting issue. I've had some friends say it drives them crazy to have random strangers touch them. I can see how it could be weird if my students start to feel like they can touch me. Still, others encourage people to touch it. Right now, my bump just seems more like extra tummy fat, so I seriously doubt any stranger is going to try to touch it. I did, however, have an interesting stranger experience on Friday.

Friday night, I met one of my friends moms for the first time. This woman, who I've never met, had obviously been told about me and my struggles and current joy by her daughter. As soon as we were introduced she proceeded to touch and talk baby talk to my tummy for an extended period of time (ok, it was probably only 30 seconds, but it seemed long). I think that normally, this is the type of thing that would drive me crazy, but surprisingly, it didn't. It was a little bit awkward, but it was also quite joyous. I am proud of my bump and I do want to celebrate it, and having other women, many of who know the joy and struggle of children, celebrate with me seems quite wonderful actually. So, at least as far as I'm concerned, touch away! For others, maybe you should ask first!

**This photo was taken with my computer camera. Better ones will follow when Josh get's back from Philly and we do a real photo shoot!**

That sneaky little demon, Fear.

Last week I heard some very sad news. One of my friends, who was about a month further along that I am, lost her baby at 16 weeks. As I read her email with the news, I cried and cried. My heart was breaking for my friend. I know that pain, I know that frustration, I know that heartache.

In her email to me, she apologized for any fear that her situation caused me. She stressed that her doctors told her that her situation was very rare. I was shocked and touched that in her pain she thought of me. I didn't even think of me, I just hurt for her. I am a knowledgeable, logical, person. I know that what happened to her is very rare.

This week, however, that sneaky little demon of fear has started to creep in. I am feeling much better physically. This is good, right, it's time. But, maybe this is not good, maybe this is a sign that something is wrong. I'm not gaining much (okay, any) weight, this is fine, right? Most women would be jealous, right? But, maybe this is another sign that something is wrong. I have a little firmer bump, but don't really need maternity clothes. That's normal for 14 weeks, right? But a friend on facebook posted that she needed maternity pants at 9 weeks. Should I need them? Is this another sign something is not right? Never mind that this particular friend was a size 2 before she got pregnant, I was not!

Darn that fear. Darn how sneaky it is. Darn the fact that I can't logic it away. Not being in control of this situation is not easy for me. I have a bit of a control issue. Perhaps that is what I'm supposed to learn from this whole journey, to give up some of that control.

I can't wait until my appointment on Tuesday when I can hear that little heart beat again!

Spiritual Midwifery

A friend at school handed me this book this morning. My first thought was that it was way too hippie dippy for me. It was originally written in the 1970's and the pictures in the book are all of women with long straight hair and men with dirty long hair and beards. The book is written Ina May Gaskin, one of the founders of modern midwifery, who started practicing with no experience as part of a traveling commune of school bus campers! They later settle in Tennessee and focus their community around the concept of Acts 2:44-45.

After closer reading however, I am hooked on their stories! It's fascinating to read about these women who are learning as they go and supporting each other through a process that is seen as a natural extension of being a woman. This first part of the book focuses on how birth can be a natural, non-medical, family centered experience. I love the idea of that!

I'm not sure I'll read the second part of the book, which is a guide for midwives with lots of gross illustrations, but the first part which gives detailed stories of many different births is fascinating. I'm feeling very empowered!

P.S. - Don't worry, I'm still planning to have the baby in a hospital. I'm just glad now that I'm going with a midwife! The book does talk about things that go wrong and at time they need doctors to help and even loose some mothers and babies. It's enough of a warning to make me glad that I'll have the NICU down the hall, but this too, is seen as part of the natural way of things.