Last week I heard some very sad news. One of my friends, who was about a month further along that I am, lost her baby at 16 weeks. As I read her email with the news, I cried and cried. My heart was breaking for my friend. I know that pain, I know that frustration, I know that heartache.
In her email to me, she apologized for any fear that her situation caused me. She stressed that her doctors told her that her situation was very rare. I was shocked and touched that in her pain she thought of me. I didn't even think of me, I just hurt for her. I am a knowledgeable, logical, person. I know that what happened to her is very rare.
This week, however, that sneaky little demon of fear has started to creep in. I am feeling much better physically. This is good, right, it's time. But, maybe this is not good, maybe this is a sign that something is wrong. I'm not gaining much (okay, any) weight, this is fine, right? Most women would be jealous, right? But, maybe this is another sign that something is wrong. I have a little firmer bump, but don't really need maternity clothes. That's normal for 14 weeks, right? But a friend on facebook posted that she needed maternity pants at 9 weeks. Should I need them? Is this another sign something is not right? Never mind that this particular friend was a size 2 before she got pregnant, I was not!
Darn that fear. Darn how sneaky it is. Darn the fact that I can't logic it away. Not being in control of this situation is not easy for me. I have a bit of a control issue. Perhaps that is what I'm supposed to learn from this whole journey, to give up some of that control.
I can't wait until my appointment on Tuesday when I can hear that little heart beat again!
Okay... Call me on days like this! Let me give you some logic/fear fighting evidence.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I know a lot of people who have been prego recently. Like Shana, she did not gain weight until late into her 2nd trimester. She actually lost weight. And so did your sister. I want to say you should only be eating like 100-300 more calories a day so that is not very much. If you were in your last trimester, then I would be worried.
Second, I know (and we know) lots of people who hid their pregnancies way late. My friend Deb didn't need true maternity clothes until she was into her 5th month or so.
Everything is going great for you. Repeat this daily. It is a great mantra and positive thinking is amazing.. And yes you should start to feel better now.