Lily's Party

This past weekend was Lily's first birthday party. It was a festive event with our family and close friends. We grilled hot dogs and had a variety of toppings, her grandma's helped out by bringing baked beans and chili, my friend Lisa made an amazing cake, and the Wagners and Keans helped with the alcohol (for the adults, although I'm pretty sure Lily got at least one taste of wine from "someone's" finger). There were absolutely no tears, and I believe she enjoyed the party much more than most one year olds!

It was so adorable to watch her actually open her gifts and play with them. We had to take a few away so we could get her to move on to the next ones, but she was seriously interested in taking things out of the bags and boxes! She also dove into her cake in true video worthy fashion. At first she didn't like having the icing on her fingers, but once she got the first bite, she was hooked! We had to eventually take it away, but not until we good some great pictures and video! We ended the night with a bonfire in our back yard and roasting marshmallows. It was truly a great night for all!

Ready for Her Close Up!

This past weekend, my dear friend Star was here to visit with us and take some one year photos of Lily. This less than stellar shot is with my phone, but I absolutely can not wait to get her photos! She always does such a good job and, not to brag, but my little girl is pretty photogenic!

I really wanted Lily to have something special for her pictures, but I waited too long to order something online and everything I found was really expensive. So, I decided to "make" her something to wear. Ok....I'm not very crafty. I do some jewelry, but I'm certainly not a seamstress. I'm blessed with very talented friends, but, for some reason, it was important for me to take on this project myself.

At my friend Sabrina's wedding a few weeks ago, she made shirts for her sons that looked like they had ties on them by cutting out fabric and using double sided iron on stuff (apparently called heat 'n' bond). She had gotten the idea from another friend, Cristin, who used the same method to make a onsie for her sister. She had written this blog post about her project. I read the post and figured this was one project I could handle!

The hardest part of the whole project was finding the materials. I had a tough time finding a solid color shirt and fabric I liked. In the end I found this shirt and pants on the Target sale rack. I purchased two pair of pants so I could cut up one to make the "1" coordinate. I ended up having to borrow some left over heat 'n' bond from Sabrina, since I couldn't find it at Michaels or Walmart (and didn't have time to make it to JoAnn...I know...I shouldn't procrastinate).

It was actually very simple. I followed Cristin's directions and the ones on the package and the whole thing was done in around an hour (plus the time it took to wash everything). The stitching is far from perfect, but I have to say I'm very pleased with the results! Next year I'll have to make one with at "2", but I prefer not to think about that yet.

One Year Old!

I can not believe that my little darling is a year old. Time really does fly by. I have to admit that we aren't doing anything special for her actual birthday. Don't get me wrong, we are having a party (a small one for family and closest friends), and I'm sure she'll have presents, and my friend Star is coming this weekend to do pictures, but today, on her birthday, I have no plans.

Things have just been crazy busy, and Josh has been out of town, and this week, ok...to be honest, all weeks...at work has been stressful. My only solace is that she has no idea what is going on!

Miss Independent

My daughter is very independent. Sometimes this makes me proud. Sometimes it makes me sad. Seriously, I am glad that she can entertain herself. I'm glad that she isn't clingy to Josh and I and doesn't get upset with a sitter or in the church nursery. I'm glad we can have adult meals and she can sit in her high chair and feed herself. I'm glad she can give herself her bottle and fall asleep on her own. I know these are all good things and skills that will help her be a well adjusted grown up.

I also know that some of this is a phase and that she is just so busy exploring and enjoying the world, now that she can, that she doesn't have time for cuddling. Part of me realizes I'm going to really appreciate her independence in a few months when #2 arrives and I'm going to be busy meeting all of her (I'm going with her for now...we find out October 11th) needs.

Still, sometimes it's hard on a mom. It wasn't that long ago that she needed me for everything. I think that not nursing her any more is what really has been tough on me. That was sort of our quiet, special, close time. She doesn't really need me to play with her. She does like to have you near by when she is playing, but doesn't really want you to read her books to her or play with the toys for her. She doesn't need you to go up and down the stairs...she can do it! Now, she doesn't even let me hold the bottle or lay back and snuggle when taking it (unless she is really sleepy). She wants to sit up where she can see what is going on. I miss those sweet cuddly days!

I blame all of this on her father! Josh's parents say he was exactly the same way from an early age. I guess I haven't asked my mom about me. We both are fairly independent adults. Hmmm...I guess it remains to be seen, but I sort of hope #2 is a cuddler!

The Fall

Well, it happened. Lily had a fairly serious fall....a fall that necessitated the boo boo bunny...a fall that made me feel like a totally crappy mom.

I was changing her tonight on her changing table. She was standing up and leaning against me as I unsnapped her onsie, when she lunged to the side and toppled off the table. I grabbed for her on the way down and sort of slowed the fall, but only managed to grab her diaper, which tore. She landed sort of on her side mostly on the carpet, but her cheek hit the wooden rocking horse that sits in her room.

As she was tumbling (which seemed to happen very slowly) I yelled for Josh, who came rushing up the stairs. I honestly think my reaction scared her more than she was actually hurt. She was crying fairly hard, though, which made me pretty worried. After a preliminary examination, though, it appeared that she only had a bruise on her cheek, but I sent Josh after the boo boo bunny.

By the time he got back upstairs, she was mostly calm. She would NOT let us hold that cute bunny covered ice cube on her (does that thing work as they get older?). Instead, she wanted to lick it! I debated whether it was worth making her mad to try to ice the bruising spot, but since it didn't appear to be swelling, I decided against it. Josh and I both checked her over pretty good and I think the worst of it is going to be a bruise the size of a quarter on her cheek.

At this point, after all the drama was over, and we were all sitting in the floor playing, I began to cry. I just felt so bad about letting her fall. I should have made her sit or lie down while I was undressing her. I should have had a better hold on her. I think I've gotten a bit complacent and give her more credit for balance and stability than she deserves. You can bet I'll be more careful from now on!

Pumpkin Spice Lattes Make Me Cry

Yesterday I had my first pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks in over year and cried all the way to work! You may think that is a little extreme and I'm sure it's a little hormonal, but the last time I had a pumpkin spice latte I was in the hospital having Lily. That week, in fact, in the hospital, I had two. The first was the morning of my induction. We had gone into the hospital the night before and woke hungry but not wanting any of the hospital food. I sent Josh to the hospital Starbucks and he came back with a bagel and my first every pumpkin spice latte (decaf of course!). It was delicious.

The second was the morning we left the hospital to bring Lily home. We had a very rough night in the NICU sleep room having a sleepless baby all to ourselves for the first time and paranoid that something would go wrong now that she was disconnected from all of her monitors. Josh again ran to the Starbucks and returned with a bagel and pumpkin spice latte (I was hooked). They accidentally made two caf, so he had to get a third in decaf (for me for free), and we shared the extra caf one with one of our amazing doctors.

Those first days of Lily's life are packed with an amazing myriad of emotions. The fear and disappointment of learning I was going to have to be induced. The drama and pain of labor and delivery. The joy and excitement at her arrival. The anxiety when she was taken to the NICU. The frustration over not having her with us and not being able to nurse her right away. The beauty of those first few moments when we did get to hold her and I got to nurse her. The shock of that first night in the sleep room where we realized we were totally responsible. The relief and excitement as we left the hospital to bring her home to our house as a family. It was by far, the most emotionally charged few day of my life, and it's funny how the tastes and smells of the one hot beverage can bring all of that pouring back.

As we start to think about the arrival of baby number two, I have to admit that I'm a little nervous. I'm just not sure I'm ready to go through all of that again. I pray, and I ask that you pray, that this arrival will be a bit less dramatic than the first!

Back to School...wow!

Let me start by saying that I'm tired. I think I've been tired for pretty much two straight weeks. So far the start of school, trying to start a new service project (more on that later), taking care of Lily, and growing this new little one are sort of kicking my butt. Honestly, it's mostly school. I feel like every year we teachers are being asked to do more and more with less and less. I have a team of a hundred and twenty students who each need special attention to be successful. Add to that the fact that I am team leader (which isn't a huge deal, but some added responsibility), now have lunch duty twice a week (which we didn't have before) and have another class in my room during one of my planning times, and I am really struggling to get everything done.

Hence the lack of blogging.

I do have things I want to say, including...
...Triangle Community Birth Stories - my new outreach project to expecting mom
...Serving others makes me happy (TCBS, Athens Moms, RRM, and Youth Group)
...Lily is growing and changing fast (I know...I say this a lot, but there are new things to tell!)
...Baby #2 - I have lots of comments and questions about that one!
...Keeping a clean house, and why today's women need help
...Planning a 1st Birthday Party
...I Need Community, and so do you
...Thank God for Helpful Friends!

I pray that someday soon, the dust will settle and I'll have time to write again...until then, don't worry about me, but do check on me!

Make Way for DucklingS

Did anyone notice that I changed the blog title a while back. Did anyone notice the "S"? Yep...it's true, we are expecting another little Duckling! We found out on June 30th. I had been a few days late, and told Josh I thought I might be pregnant again. I think we were both a little surprised. Don't get me wrong, we know how this happens, and we knew there was a possibility, but we just didn't expect it to happen so easily and so quickly.

In our past experience, we had to really work at getting pregnant. I think in some ways we thought you really had to have perfect timing and be very intentional. Turns out...that isn't always true. Not to be too graphic, but, honestly, there were very few opportunities for us to get pregnant, if you get my drift.

At first I think we both were in shock. I'll admit that I was a little upset. I think that most of my fears related to loosing Lily as my baby. I was afraid that I would start to change how I feel about her. I hear this is common among second time moms and have been assured that it is totally possibly to love two as much as I love one!

Now we are starting to get excited. I know it won't be easy to have two little ones, but I also think it will be great for Lily to have a close in age sibling!

P.S. you may have notice that the blog was rather sparse in the last three months. Turns out I've been writing some posts, but just couldn't share them without giving away baby #2. I've published them now if you care to go back and read them.

Back to Work

Tuesday was my first teacher workday of the new school year. Returning to work has actually been surprisingly easy. I honestly think I was ready. Sometimes I feel like a bad mom, but I think I get tired of being home with Lily all day and appreciate her more when I can work during the day and then be home with her in the evenings and on the weekends. I know she is safe and happy at home with her Nanny Annie. Plus, I really like my job. I like the people I work with, and I love teaching. I always get a little giddy about the start of a new school year!

Lily's Dedication

Today was a very special day for my little duckling! Today she, along with six of her friends (our church is taking the "be fruitful and multiply" verse seriously :)) were dedicated. It was a touching service as Pastor CJ challenged us as parents to do our best to lead her down the right path while at the same time challenging the congregation to step along side of us in the journey.

As I looked around, I was blown away by how seriously my church family takes the "it takes a village" mentality. These are people who really have been our family, since family is far away. They brought dinner for two months when Lily was born (One even brought breakfast too!). Some stayed to hold and soothe her while we ate (which may have saved my sanity). There are times on Sunday I don't know who is holding Lily, but I know she is safe and there are ten mom's with eyes on her! In the last ten months, I have shared more lunches, dinners, coffees, and mothering discussions than I can count with many other moms. I know that I have a real fleet of people I can call at any time and with any need and they won't make me feel inadequate or ashamed. They will just be there. They love me, and they love Josh, and they love Lily.

I honestly don't know how people do it (by it I mean, parenthood, motherhood, marriage, life, everything) without community. I know that Josh and I are so blessed. So, to all of my community, Ekklesia and otherwise (because there are also quite a few of you out there that aren't Ekklesia, but still part of my "village"), Thank you and I love you, and I'm glad I have your help as I struggle to raise Lily the best way we know how!

**Case in point - Thanks to Nick Tripp for taking this picture when we didn't have enough hands to hold baby and camera!

The Beginning of the End, of Nursing That Is!

I just pulled the last of my frozen milk out of the freezer to thaw and feed Lily, and I can't help but be a little sad. I'm not totally giving up on nursing yet, but I'm past the pumping phase, which I know is the beginning of the end. When I start back to work next week, I'm not going to try to pump. I still plan to nurse morning and at bed time, but the rest of the day she will have formula until she is a year, then we'll transition to cow's milk.

There are several factors impacting the decision. One is that my pump is not working well. It fell in the back seat of my car and one of the prongs is bent which won't create good suction. Thus, when I'm pumping I'm not getting much. Another factor is just that she is getting older and eating a lot of food, so I know she is not as reliant on my milk. In fact, I'm not even sure about my supply and her satisfaction these days. I feel like when she does nurse (except at bed time) she only nurses for about five minutes on each side and then is done, then she still acts hungry. I've tried to get her to nurse longer, but she's just not super interested. :(

While knowing that this is the start of the end of nursing makes me sad, I also know it's a fact of her growing older. I'm sure this is the first of many leaps toward her independence, and a little piece of me is relieved not to have to worry as much about pumping, milk supply, and all that goes with that. Plus, it tempers the sadness to know that, come March, I'll have a new little one to nurse!

Little Sponge Brain!

Lily is definitely entering the "brain is a sponge" phase. She is constantly watching everything going on around her with they eye of a careful observer. And she's not just watching, she is learning! In just the last few weeks, I am finding myself constantly shocked by the things she can do that I didn't realize she could do.

Just to name a few, she can:
Stick out her tongue if asked (no demonstration needed)
Play patty cake
Brush her hair
Grab daddy's nose (and hold hers out to be "beeped")
Find and kiss her baby doll when asked
Kiss mommy or daddy when asked (if she wants to :)
Stand if holding onto any little thing (even a wall)
Climb the stairs (when daddy lets her)
Remove all the toys from her basket and climb in
Shake toys when asked
Say "bye" and "hey" like she knows what they mean
Regularly ask for "more" using sign language and saying "mo"
Say "nanana" for banana
Do sign language for milk and say "mi"
Say "dada" and "mama" regularly and with meaning
Eat almost anything cut into small pieces
Identify several toys by name

I still think I underestimate her sometimes and look at her as a little baby, but she is learning so much every day. I love all the learning, it is totally awesome! I have a feeling the next few months (and years) are going to be a blast!

Starting to Show & Telling People

So, we haven't totally gone public with Baby Hall #2 yet, but I think I'm starting to show! I know it's super early (I'm only almost 11 weeks), but if you knew me really well, you would notice. Most people, though, would probably just assume it's left over tummy from Lily. Perhaps in one way it is, but I still find that my roll of flab is turning into more of a round firm tummy. It's sort of exciting. It starts to make this pregnancy seem more real.

Since I'm starting to show some, it's going to be pretty much impossible to not tell people soon. Already most of our family and close friends know. Josh has told his work friends. I start back to work in a week and I'll tell my work friends then. I have to be honest. I'm a little nervous. I feel bad taking maternity leave twice in two years. I just pray the sub they find for me is better than the one from last year! I think that after next weeks twelve week check up we'll go "facebook" public!

Beach Baby (it's been a long time)

I know it has been a long time since I was on here. I had intentions of blogging about every adventure while we were at the beach last week, but ended up just not wanting to spend my time on the computer. This week, I've been busy with all the post-vacation stuff and enjoying my last few days before I go back to work.

We had a great week, despite Lily and I both having a cold. We didn't let it slow us down too much. We went to the beach every day and even took Lily Kayaking! She did great. She wasn't a huge fan of the big waves or of the sand, but she liked being on the beach with us. Luckily, because she didn't like the feel of the sand, she would stay on her blanket or in the pool. The inflatable pool which we filled with a bucket of sea water, was a huge hit. She would spend hours splashing in it. We ended up not even taking a pack n play to the beach for her.

The cabana we purchased got a bit of mixed reviews. It was really good to have the added shade, but it wasn't easy to put up, especially if it was windy. It took at least two people and at least five minutes. It was mostly too hot to actually be inside of it, but it was nice to put her pool and blanket in the shade of it for her to play. We used it several days, but also opted to leave it behind a few, especially since we mostly went to the beach late in the afternoon.

Other than the beach (where Josh caught lots of fish), a few trips around the village, and laying around the house, Kayaking was our only adventure. It was quite fun. We got a double Kayak and Josh did most of the paddling from the back seat. I sat in the front with Lily in the floor in front of me. She started out excited and talking, and ended up falling asleep. Adorable!

Overall it was a very fun and relaxing trip. I can't wait to do it again, but something tells me that, like most things, it will be very different as she gets older!

Ultrasound of Baby #2

Today we had our first ultrasound for Baby #2. I was excited about getting to see him or her for the first time and hear that precious heartbeat. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed. Not because anything was wrong. The "data" we got was all good. What made me leave there feeling down was the bedside manner of the ultrasound technician and the doctor. We decided to go to REX hospital instead of UNC because they could get us in a lot sooner, which was a mistake.

With Lily the people we saw always made us feel excited. At the first ultrasound, I remember them pointing out things and saying things like "listen to that strong heartbeat", or "look at those little leg buds". This technician, who wasn't even set up for an early ultrasound because she hadn't looked at my chart that closely, said absolutely nothing except to fuss at Josh who was trying to keep Lily happy. "Don't stand up, you might trip over that one electrical cord", "she can't eat cheerios in here", "I'm going to need you to be quiet", etc. She didn't even explain at all to me what she was doing (fortunately I've had an early, vaginal, ultrasound before or I'd have been really confused). She did play the heartbeat for maybe two seconds, but didn't say a word about it.

The doctor who came in introduced herself and said literally "It looks like you are about, um...how many weeks...oh eight...I mean seven." I honestly think that was all she was going to say, but I asked if everything looked good. Her response..."yes". Then I asked what the heart rate was. She looked at the technician who said "141". That was all...no more information was offered, so we left.

I was upset. I was sure, because of the way they made me feel, that something was wrong. But the reality is, as Josh helpfully pointed out on the way home, that all of the facts and details were good. There is a baby. It's in the right place. It's the right size. It has a heartbeat. All good. I was just feeling down because of the way their bedside manner influenced my perception of the facts. So, a word to all you medical professionals out there, know that how you treat your patients impacts their perception of their condition almost as much as the facts do!