Lily's First Christmas

We just got back from Virginia where we spent the last five days celebrating Lily's first Christmas, and what a Christmas it was! As I've mentioned before, I think everyone was extra excited for this Holiday season, especially me. It was quite joyful! This Christmas was made extra magical by the fact that the entire time we were in Virginia, and even when we returned home, there was snow! Lily even got her first snow suit!

Last Wednesday we arrived at my parents house just in time to join them at the Pulaski Fire department Christmas dinner. I haven't been to one of those in years, but my dad wanted all of his family there. Check out that proud "Deano" holding both of his grand babies! There were in fact, many proud grandparent moments. Lily fell asleep with my mom holding her three different times and spend time snuggling with both of her Hall grandparents.












Both of our families went overboard buying special presents for Lily and we came home with our car fully loaded! In reality, this was much more fun for me than for her. I greatly enjoyed opening all of the cute clothes and toys and have already washed them so she can start wearing or playing with them!
This week was also special because of all of the family that Lily got to meet. At Josh's grandma's she met not only her aunts, uncles, and first cousins once removed (yes, Josh and I researched how these relationships work...I know...dorks), but also her new second cousin, Kyra, who is just a month younger than she is. On my side, she also got to meet some cousins and second cousins including my cousin Chris and his family who were in on a rare visit from Botswana!




It was truly a special five days filled with family, food, and fun. Everything a Christmas should be! I'm sure this is one I will never forget. Now I just can't wait for future Christmas when Lily can make memories of her own!

Leaving Lily Part 2

At Thanksgiving we left Lily for the first time, with her grandparents, while Josh and I went to a movie. It was nice, but stressful. Being away from her is an interesting thing for me. It can be very freeing. Just this past Sunday Josh watched Lily in the morning while I went to the grocery store and then took her with him shopping while I made dinner. It was really wonderful. It was so much simpler to go to the store worrying about getting her in and out in the cold. It was also nice to clean and cook without having to keep checking in on her or entertaining her. That day, being away from her was freeing because I knew she was safely with her Dad who loves her and knows how to take care of her.

This coming weekend, however, is another story. Josh's band is playing the cocktail hour for a wedding of a friend of a friend and I just found out that I'm invited. Normally I would be excited. It would be a fun way to spend an evening. With Lily, however, it's a tough decision. I know that Josh would like for me to go. I know that it is just a month before I'll have to leave her all day (that's another post). I know that I should probably go. Still, it has been stressing me out. I asked one friend who I knew I would trust with her and who I know would take good care of her, and had just started to feel comfortable with that situation when I found out she had other plans and couldn't keep her.

I think it is all worked out now and I've found two other friends who are going to tag team and keep her. I know for a fact that they will take good care of her. I know that they both know how to take care of a baby. I know that she will be fine. Still...it's stressful. Do all new mom's feel this way?

The Hall Family Christmas Card!

Did you know that those photo Christmas cards that everyone sends are expensive! Since we didn't send out birth announcements, I was really excited about making and sending Christmas cards this year. I set up a photo shoot in our guest room and took pictures of Lily in all of her Christmas outfits. I put together an extensive list of over a hundred people that we would want to send a card. I went online and researched the different companies that made cards. I was shocked at the prices. The cheapest I could find the cards was around fifty cents per card. Add to that the fact that stamps are forty-four cents per card and that gets quite expensive.

For those of you who don't know, Josh is quite frugal. He balked at the idea of spending around a hundred dollars to send Christmas cards, so we got creative. We realized that you can print 4x6 photos for ten cents a piece at Wallgreens and buy 4x6 envelopes for ten cents a piece at Staples. By using Josh's amazing Photoshop skills to create our card we were able to cut the cost of our cards almost in half! Below you will find a sneak peak of the Hall Christmas Card 2010! Check out that cute baby!

Gotta Love the Christmas Spirit!

Since having Lily I've noticed that when parking I tend to try to leave a little extra room on the driver's side of the car to make it easier to get her seat out. Today we were headed to Target which was pretty crowded and the spot that I wanted, close to the carts had a car parked pretty close to the line on my driver side, so I ended up parking a bit further over than I typically would. I intentionally checked to make sure that the car on my passenger side would be able to get out and, while I know it was a bit squinchy, it was not really that close. When I got back to my car after shopping, however, I found this note on my window. Seriously...who hasn't had someone park too close to them and had a difficult time getting in the car. Heck, I've even had to crawl across from the passenger side on one occasion, but I wasn't that upset, and I've never left a note. It amazes me that on such a cold day someone would go to the effort to find paper, write the note, and put it on my windshield. Some people...

2 Months, A Check Up, & Immunizations

Lily turned two months old on Sunday. On Monday she had her two month check up. She was eleven pounds even and twenty-three inches long! She is in the 50th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height. Her head circumference is the 25th percentile, but in all ways the doctor said she seemed perfect! What a wonderful check up after all of the drama of her first few weeks. I'm so glad that she is right on track.

Part of this check up included her two month immunizations. Vaccines are a hot parenting topic right now and I have to admit that I had some hesitations about the current recommended vaccine schedule. I just finished reading the book House Rules about a boy with Autism who's mother blames his disorder on his vaccines. After some research (none of which showed a link between current vaccines and Autism or any other disorders) and discussions with a friend who is a pediatrician and parent, however, we decided to follow the AAP recommended vaccine schedule.

This meant that Lily received six vaccines on Monday! When I read that schedule in some of my parenting books I was a bit freaked out. I couldn't imagine my little girl getting SIX shots. I really was nervous about her short term reactions (pain, fever, fussiness, etc.). I just hate to see her suffer and couldn't stand the thought of putting her through that. Going into the appointment I was quite apprehensive. It didn't help that I ran into a friend there who's son had just received his four month vaccines and was screaming his head off. Still, for Lily's sake and to keep face with the pediatrician, I tried to remain calm.

Luckily, it was not nearly as bad as I had feared. For one thing one of the immunizations (rotavirus) is an oral vaccine, and several of the others are combined, so it was actually only three shots. Amazingly, the two nurses who came in to give them were able to give all three at one time, so Lily only had one big scream. Granted, it was the biggest, breath caught, scream I've ever seen from her, but she recovered fairly quickly. She was only slightly fussy as we left the doctor.

Later that day she did seem to be a bit sore and would whimper and sort of cry every time I moved her, which was a bit sad. I spent much of the afternoon in my bed holding her and trying not to move too much. A dose of baby Tylenol helped and she has seemed fine ever since. Overall, it was not really that big of a deal. I'm starting to learn that I'm going to have to accept that there will be things that hurt her and times when she will be sad, but she and I will both survive!

Deck the Halls!

I don't think I have ever been quite so excited about Christmas. I know that Lily is still too small to really understand, but just having her with us makes this season so much more joyful! For the past several years Josh and I have been saying how much more fun Christmas would be if there were little ones running around. Now there are! Not only is there Lily, but my nephew is now old enough to actually get excited about Christmas. On Josh's side of the family one of his cousins also has a new baby and his uncle married a woman with two elementary age kids.

I believe that everyone has a little more Christmas spirit this year. My mom has already put up her outside lights and giant inflatable snowman, which haven't made an appearance in several years. Josh's mom brought Lily two adorable Christmas outfits which I washed today so I can put her in them and take pictures. Josh and I have spent the last two days putting up our tree and all of our Christmas decorations with a fire in the fireplace and Christmas music on the radio. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to have three stockings hanging on our fireplace, and I can't help but think of Lily when I hear "All I want for Christmas is You" or (probably slightly irreverently) "What Child is This"!

**I find the title of this post slightly funny since we, my family, are "The Halls"!

Traveling with Lily

This week we celebrated Lily's first Thanksgiving with a trip to Virginia to visit both sets of grandparents. Lily did great on the car trip down, sleeping all the way. There was one sticky point where we got into stop and go traffic and she got a bit fussy, but as soon as we were rolling again, she fell back asleep. She was pretty good on the way home as well. I was really worried about her sleeping in a strange place, but she slept fine in her daddy's old crib (Grandma and Grandpa Hall set it up in our room with a new mattress and sheet).

I must admit that it was hard for me to be out of our comfortable setting and routine with her, and I'm a bit relieved to be home. I honestly think she handled it better than I did. She ate, was awake, and slept on a pretty normal schedule. She really wasn't much more fussy than she is in a normal day, but for some reason, when we are around others, her crying makes me really stressed. I feel a lot of pressure to have her be a happy baby even though I know that our families understand and don't care. I've got to work on that. It's hard because I often feel like I'm the only one who can really comfort her and she does seem to get fussy sometimes when other people hold her. Perhaps she is spoiled, or perhaps I am.

I also find nursing her around others, especially my in-laws, a bit of a challenge. On one hand I feel like if the baby needs to eat, there is nothing wrong with feeding her, but on the other, I am a bit embarrassed to break out my boob in front of Josh's parents and his little brother, even under my cover. Around my family and our friends, I find it less of an issue. Again, I know that they wouldn't really care, but it's another one of the things that I need to work out and work on.

Overall the trip went very well and Lily really traveled like a champ...me, not so much...but I plan to work on it, and I think it will get easier.

Lily's First Thanksgiving

Lily celebrated her first Thanksgiving this week and I can't help but think of how thankful I am for her. It seems amazing that this time last year I was really sad and starting to worry that we would not be able to have this precious baby. I have so much to be thankful for!

Leaving Lily

As part of our Thanksgiving festivities Josh convinced me to leave Lily with his parents and go see the latest Harry Potter movie with he and his brother. This was a big deal. This was the first time I had left Lily with anyone other than Josh (and that was only for brief times when I knew she would probably be asleep). I wanted to see the movie, and I knew this was a ideal opportunity, but still, I was nervous.

Motherhood is a strange thing. I love Lily more than I could ever imagine and the instinct to protect her is strong. I want to protect her from anything that could possibly hurt her. I also, somewhat irrationally, want for her to always be content. Because of this, it is really hard for me (an admitted control freak) to trust anyone else to take care of her. At the same time all of that responsibility gets heavy and I would like and occasional break.


In reality her grandma and grandpa love her almost as much as I do, and they managed to successfully raise two kids of their own, so I know they know what to do. They have bottles, diapers, and arms, which are really all they need. Plus, she was asleep when we left and likely to sleep most of the time we were gone. This is the debate that I had with myself when deciding if I should go.

In the end, the desire to see the movie and the logic of knowing she was cared for won out. I have to admit, however, that it was hard. I teared up heading to the car (and again during a sad part of the movie, but I don't count that), but managed to keep it together. I did ask Josh several times in the movie "Do you think she is still asleep?" or "Do you think she is crying?", but I also managed to enjoy the movie. When we got home we found out she had been awake a little while and had a bottle and had fussed a little, but I realized that she was still fine and it was no big deal. I think it will be easier each time. So, who wants to babysit so Josh and I can go on a real date? :)

Packing for Lily

Tonight I am attempting to pack to go to Virginia and visit our families for Thanksgiving, and realizing it is much more difficult to pack with a baby. In the past, Josh and I could just throw some clothes in a bag and head out. Now I have about a thousand extra things to worry about. How many diapers (wipes, outfits, socks, bibs, blankets, burp cloths, swaddles, etc.) should I pack? Should we take a swing or bouncy seat to entertain her? Should I take books and toys (even though she hasn't been playing with any here)? Should I pump and try to take breast milk? Should I take my pump to pump there? Should I take her bath tub or bath supplies? Should I take our monitor?

Not to mention my worries about how she is going to sleep in a new place. It's amazing how comfortable I've become in our "normal" routine. It is easy to care for her here. I know where everything is and how everything works. I realize, however, that all she really needs is clothing and food, which I keep handy at all times :), and she will be fine. I still worry that changing that routine and the normalcy of our days will make her upset, but from what I hear it's probably much easier on her than on me!

Baby Girl Clothes

Yesterday a friend an I went to the new outlets that opened in Mebane. They are pretty nice outlets and contain a Carters, Gymboree, Osh Kosh, and Children's Place outlet! Danger! Danger! My plan for the day was to buy shoes for myself and maybe one really warm sleeper for Lily. I had just purchased two at JC Penny on Friday and some slightly less warm ones from Walmart on Wednesday along with a Christmas outfit and Thanksgiving onsie, so I really didn't need any more. She has a ton of clothes. I know this. I've taken inventory. I know I shouldn't buy her more.

However, I came home with a bag from Carters containing two terry cloth sleepers and an outfit complete with jacket (which to be fair she didn't really have) and Children's Place containing an adorable knit dress and tights (totally impractical and frivolous, but adorable, and she needs something for church, right?). So, to recap, in the last five days I have purchased two lightweight cotton sleepers, one Christmas outfit, one Thanksgiving onsie, two warm fleece sleepers, two terry cloth sleepers, one outfit with jacket, and one dress and tights. I think I'm out of control.

You see, it's just very hard to resist. Little girl clothes are absolutely adorable, and they are cheap. The sleepers and onsie from Walmart were each $3, the Christmas outfit was $12, the ones from Carters and JC Penney were $7. The outfit with jacket was $12, and, well, we won't discuss the dress. :) In my mind I justify all of these purchases by their low price and the fact that I know she does go through more outfits than I had expected, but, in reality, I just can not resist the cuteness. However, between now and Christmas, heck, between now and when she needs a bigger size. I'm putting a moratorium on myself buying clothes for her! If you are shopping with me...make me stop!

A Poll...Please Vote

On the right side you will see I have posted a new poll. This is an issue I'm really struggling with. I'm not sure the poll will influence my parental decision making, but I'm curious. What do you think? I have several friends in both camps. I've read that letting your newborn cry teaches them that you don't care about them. I've read that it won't hurt them, but won't help them. I've read that it helps them learn to sooth themselves and sleep alone. I've read that it helps them expand excess energy.

I welcome your other comments and suggestions.

Feeding Lily in Public

Today was the first time I had to feed Lily during an outing. Sure, we've gone to friends houses and I've fed her there, but that is different. If it's just girls, I have no problem baring my boob, and if there are guys around I use my nursing cover (hilariously called an udder cover) or her blanket. No big deal. Today, however, my friend and I were out at the mall and not planning to return home for a while, so I had to find a way to feed her.

I probably would have been fine sitting on a bench with my nursing cover , but Kelly suggested an even better place. The Nordstrom womens lounge. If you've never been in one of these, you should check it out (guys...get a woman to make sure it's vacant first). It is amazing. Not only is there a nice changing area complete with sink, but there are several chairs and a couch. The lighting is mellow. See the picture...it is wonderful.

I also learned today, that it is a great place to meet and chat with other moms. On a busy shopping day, it is a happening location. Today there was a woman and her mom with 6 month old twins and another woman with a three month old. While we all fed our babies we engaged in some friendly conversation about raising babies. It was lovely.

So, moms, if you are ever in need of a quiet place to nurse while at the mall, check out the Nordstrom womens lounges!

Support Group

It is amazing how therapeutic it can be to hang out with other new moms. Today Lily and I spent most of the day with a friend who's baby boy is a week younger than Lily and another friend who has a two and a half year old and is expecting her second child in about two months. Yes, we spent a lot of the time talking about our babies, but none of us seemed to mind. Hilariously at one point, during Lily's diaper change, we were all comparing baby poops!

This is awesome since a lot of my friends, especially the ones who don't have babies, probably get tired of me talking about Lily all the time. I really try to not talk about her exclusively, but it's hard since she is really what takes up most of my time. I'm learning that I need both types of support groups. I need people that I can talk to about things other than Lily, because, even though she is the center of my world, if I never talk about anything else I'll go crazy. But, I also need people who don't mind discussing breastfeeding, diapers, and sleep patterns.

As you can expect, all of our children are different and we all have different successes and different struggles, but it was just so rejuvenating to hang out. I could openly nurse Lily and not worry if she cries. Stopping for a mid-conversation diaper change was no big deal. There was no pressure to have a "good" baby because they all understand. It was truly lovely, and I'm going to make an effort to make this type of support group a regular thing.

Wearing my Baby!

I have decided that I absolutely love my Moby Wrap. A few weeks ago, I posted that I didn't think Lily loved being in it, but that has certainly changed. I'm not sure if it's that I've switch her position from the cradle hold (seen here) to the hug hold (below), or just that she and I have gotten more used to it, but it is now her favorite place to be. If she is fussy, I can put her in it and walk around and she will almost instantly fall asleep. The other night we attended a Halloween Party at a friends house and as soon as she started fussing, I put her in the Moby and was able to socialize, eat (the wonder of having two free hands), and just generally enjoy myself all with her tucked up close and sleeping happily despite all the noise and everything. It was awesome.

Another wonderful thing about the Moby is that it reduces the number of people who want to hold and touch her. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a huge germaphobe or overly concerned about others holding her, but with flu season on its way and lots of colds and such going around. I'd rather keep her as healthy as possible. I also think limiting the passing around also helps keep her happy, which is possibly the most important thing.

I'll admit that the Moby takes some time for both baby and mom to get used to, and it can be a bit warm in a warm room, but I would totally recommend it to anyone! Just give it some time, you'll love it!

My Favorite Time of Day

My favorite time of Lily's day has the be the nightly Daddy time. I say this not only because it is time when I get a break, but also because I absolutely love to watch Josh with her. Each night, usually around 7pm, Josh gives Lily a bottle and spends some time talking to and snuggling with her. At first he was a little hesitant about giving the bottle and was awkward when trying to burp her, but now he's got it down. He usually asks her about her day and talks to her about his. Occasionally he will sing to her. It is adorable.

This is the time of day when she has a tendency to get fussy, but Josh really has a way of calming her down. She will look up at him and make faces and is even starting to "baby talk" to him sometimes. He loves to kiss her on the head and tell her how special and pretty she is. It is possibly the cutest thing in the world and makes my heart happy!

The next two nights Josh is out of town in Virginia speaking at William and Mary and recruiting for his program. While this is a honor and we are very proud of him, I think Lily and I will both greatly miss the nightly Daddy time. He is such a great dad!

Wearing My Pre-Pregnancy Jeans!

Today Lily is five weeks old and I am wearing my first pair of pre-pregnancy jeans! Granted, they were my "fat" jeans before, but still. Today, when we went to vote, the lady at the poll went on and on about how I did not look like I just had a baby. I've had quite a few people tell me this, and it is really quite flattering. I don't want to brag, but I am sort of proud of myself. Not that I've really done anything to loose the weight, but I do think my efforts to not gain a lot while pregnant have come into play. I think that nursing has also helped, and, although it hasn't been easy, I'm glad I stuck with it. Now, I just need to find a way to loose those last ten pounds, but something tells me that if I'm just a little judicious with my calories, carting Lily around will help with those!

The whole loosing 20lbs almost instantly has been really weird. I have to admit that it's really strange to look at pictures of myself from just five weeks ago and see how huge I was. I know some of it was baby weight, but there was also a lot of water retention that I didn't even realize. There was one day, about a week after Lily was born, when I suddenly realized that my feet and hands were small again. It was really crazy. It's also funny how you get used to moving through space with a big belly, and it took me a few days to realize that I didn't have to squat, I could actually bend at the waist! It's really all been a little surreal.

When Lily Cries...

...my heart breaks. As I sit here writing this post, Josh is upstairs rocking Lily and trying to comfort her and get her to sleep. This afternoon has been a bit of a rough one. I think Lily might be going through a growth spurt and is having a tough time napping because she thinks she is hungry. She hasn't really had a nap since 10am, which is very uncommon for her. Granted she has slept five minutes here and twenty minutes there, but in between she has nursed a lot, had bottles of breast milk and formula, and fussed way more than normal.

This is the hardest thing on a mom, or at least it is on me. I feel like she should be well fed (she nursed for a long time and had a bottle). She has a clean diaper. She is swaddled safe and warm. But still, she is not happy. I'm pretty sure she is exhausted, but I'm not sure how to fix it. Some say to let her cry. We've tried that, and it does work sometimes, but it is excruciating for me and doesn't always work. I try to cuddle and comfort her, but if I hold her she thinks she should be eating more even though I have nothing more to give her. So, Josh is giving it a try and...as of about three minutes ago...there is quiet! I pray it lasts.

Baby Poops!

I knew that babies poop a lot. I had heard that a newborn will go through as many as ten diapers a day. Still, I was not really prepared for the quantity of poop that Lily would generate. It is truly shocking. At this point, Lily is four weeks old and we have gone through at least 250 diapers*! That's not including all of the ones she used that first week in the hospital.

Granted, a few of those diapers were "wasted" because she peed or pooped as I was in the changing process. Which, is also shocking by the way. I've heard of baby boys spraying their parents, but never expected it from my little girl. Apparently, if she needs to go bad enough, she can get quite some spray. Needless to say, I've learned quickly to open the diaper and wait posed to recover!

The other shocking thing about Lily's poops is the sound. You definitely know when she has filled her diaper because you can hear it from across the room! It is hard to imagine that such a precious little one can generate the grossest squishy sound. Josh tends to turn his head and walk away every time he hears it (although he has changed a few). She also makes this really funny face! It is so funny that we decided to capture it on film! You can watch it here! Make sure to let it play all the way through to the end.

*A note about diapers - We've set up an Amazon Mom account to "subscribe" to diapers (and formula) which we found to be the best deal. We have now tried three different kinds and Pampers Baby Dry are the ones with the least amount of leaks. Lily's little legs are so small that the Target and Babies-R-Us brand diapers all had very leaky legs, which led to changes of clothes for Lily (and sometime me) every time she pooped.

Life with Lily!

Life with Lily is finally settling in. Once we started feeding her enough, we discovered that she is really a very good baby. She eats well, has some happy awake time, and then goes to sleep. We've been able to take her out quite a bit. Last Friday we went to Josh's DRT concert and she was great! She's been to Target, the mall, Parker and Otis, and even Weaver Street (which celebrated her first visit with a marching band!).

The fact that she is pretty easy to take out is absolutely wonderful for me. We go somewhere almost every day. While I love her more than words and do spend a large amount of time holding her and looking at her, I also get a bit bored. For me, going out to visit friends or shopping has been an essential part of feeling normal! Josh and I live a pretty active life and I'm so happy that Lily seems to be ready for it!

Now I'm just trying to decide what is the best vehicle for taking her out. She loves to be in her car seat in the car or a stroller, and most of the time I just leave her in there, but I'm debating other methods of carrying her. We've tried her in the Moby wrap some around the house and she likes it sometimes, but also gets upset fairly easily. A friend loaned me a Slingaroo sling to try, and while she was content in it, I thought it was a little uncomfortable for me. I also have a Jeep version of a baby bjorn a friend gave us, which I want to try. I've also heard wonderful things about the Ergo carrier and would like to try one of those. Any suggestions/ideas?

First Family Photos

Welcome Lily Jayne Hall!

This past weekend my friend Star flew up from Florida to visit with us and take some pictures of Lily. She is a truly amazing photographer and I LOVE the shots we got. Here are a few samples.



More are available on facebook, and even more on Star's photography site. Let me know if you'd like access to all of them!

3 Weeks Old!

Wow...I can't believe Lily is three weeks old. On one hand it seems like time has flown by and on the other they have been some of the longest three weeks of my life. I'm over blogger block enough now to admit that it has been really tough and there have been a lot of tears. I blame most of them on the hormones, but this whole being a mom thing really is the toughest thing I've ever done.

You see, I'm a person who likes to be in control and do the "right" thing. As it turns out, this is not possible with a infant. I have spent many hours wondering and worrying if I am doing what is right for Lily, but now am starting to realize that I have to trust my instinct and realize that as long as I love her (which I do more than I ever thought possible), feed her, and change her diaper, she'll be fine.

As noted in the last post, the feeding piece has been a bit of a challenge. But today, perhaps because time has passed, perhaps because of the good report from the doctor, perhaps because of receding hormones, I finally feel somewhat at peace for the first time since before her birth. I can feel myself starting to trust that everything is going to be okay and that Josh and I can do this.

I want to say a huge thank you to all of you who have shared your wisdom and support these first weeks. You have no idea how much it has helped both of us when we felt at our wits end to know that others had been there and survived. We are so blessed to have such an amazing group of family and friends.

Feeding Lily

So, the first few days Lily was home we thought she was going to be an amazing baby because she would eat, then sleep for a long time. Come to find out, that's not really that great. After two weeks Lily had not gained any weight. Apparently she was to sleepy because she was hungry and yet too tired to nurse. After a few days, this started to make her quite fussy because she wanted to eat, but then fell asleep eating, but then was upset to still be hungry. We hit a wall of trying everything we could think of to soothe her vs. allowing her to cry (which is torture for mom!). Turns out that the poor thing was running on low batteries. So, this week we started supplementing her nursing with some bottles.

At first I was really upset about this. I really wanted to nurse her exclusively, and felt like something of a failure for not being able to provide enough for her. I started to wonder what I had done wrong along the way. But, thanks to the encouragement of some good friends and Josh, I've come to terms with it. She only gets a few ounces of formula or a few of pumped breast milk along with her normal nursing, and it has made a world of difference! She can now have some happy awake time (for the first time) and sleeps soundly when she is asleep. Josh enjoys being able to comfort her. It is wonderful for all of us. In the last four days, she has gained 8 ounces, and at three weeks, she is back above her birth weight at 7lb 3oz!

Blogger Block

I think I have blogger's block. Every time I sit down to blog I feel overwhelmed by all the things I want to share. There have been so many new experiences the last few days: the first night alone with her at the hospital, bringing her home, the first pediatrician visit, feeding, sleeping, diapering, crying, the first bath, visiting with family and friend, and much more. But, every time I sit down to write, I get emotional and things don't seem to come out right. Overall our little girl is precious. We are struggling a bit to get into a routine where she will sleep without having to nurse to pacify herself, but on the whole she eats, sleeps, and diapers well. I think that is about all we can ask for as parents of a two week old.

Life in the Hospital & Beautiful, Helpful People

I'm not going to lie, it was no fun living in the hospital. I was a patient from Monday, the 27th - Thursday the 29th and a resident while Lily was still a patient through the 31st with only two short trips out of the hospital for around an hour each. It was rough to be a patient, and even rougher to be discharged and have Lily still there.

As a patient there were constantly people coming in to check on or talk to us. I was really amazed at all of the different representatives that had to visit us at some point. It was quite funny to have someone come in to check my vitals only to have my nurse come in a half hour later and do the same thing. There were representatives of all sorts of hospital groups and patient relations. The most humorous was the anesthesiologist (or probably a resident) who came in while I was in labor to make sure my "airway wasn't compromised" in case they were needed. He stood no closer than three feet from the bed, never touched me, and had me open my mouth and stick out my tongue.

Then there was the hospital food. It is shocking how little healthy food is available in the hospital. I did get three meals a day while I was there, but they were astoundingly heavy and not at all what I was in the mood for at any point in time. There were biscuits and gravy, two lunches of fried chicken, and something called beef and broccoli that looked disgusting. The cafeteria wasn't much better. The options there were mostly pizza, burgers, etc. Luckily we had some friends bring in Panera and Josh was able to go out and get us some healthier options.

It was truly the most exhausting and frustrating five days of my life. There were, however, some amazingly beautiful people that made things as good as they could be given the situation. I had an amazing birth team and all of the nurses that took care of me in my postpartum room were fantastic. They were great at being compassionate to our specific situation and truly made me feel like they cared about us. The NICU nurses and doctors (with the exception of one "old school" nurse) taking care of Lily were also fantastic. They did everything they could to accommodate us and try to do what was best for everyone involved. Even the lactation consultants, although a bit pushy at times, were amazing in advocating for us to get a sleep room once I was discharged and Lily was still in the hospital. All in all we were very blessed to have such beautiful, helpful people taking care of us all. Still, it is very nice to be home!

The NICU Messes With Your Head

Because Lily had aspirated meconium and had her cord compressed during birth she spent her four days in the hospital in the NICU. Let me tell you, that is not an easy thing for a mom to live through. It is really tough to see your tiny helpless infant strapped to all of those wires and cords and tubes. It makes holding them difficult (when you get to hold them) and feeding them even more tricky. It's hard to spend much time there visiting, let alone nursing, because it's just not a private place. This was hard for Josh too. Having not spent much time with babies at all, it was even more difficult for him to manipulate one with all those cords and he wanted me to have as much time with her as I could, so it really limited his time holding her. But what is worse than all that is the way it messes with your head.

For me, I began to see my little Lily, who was full term and mostly healthy, as very fragile. I began to look to the monitors constantly to make sure she was ok. Every ding or beep made me afraid that something was wrong (when usually it just meant a kink in some wire). The first night I had Lily in the room with me without the monitors I kept freaking out and wondering how I would know if something was wrong. I realize, of course, that I can look at my baby and know how she is doing, but I still think that her time in the NICU left lingering doubts in my head about her well being. I just have to keep reminding myself that she is fine and healthy now.

Lily is 1 Week Old!

And what a week it has been. Sorry I haven't had more time to blog, but I'm sure all you parents out there can understand. It has been the most wonderful, terrible, exciting, scary, emotional, exhausting week I could ever imagine, and there is so much to say I don't even know where to start. I have a back log of about 10 things I want to post, but I guess I'll start at the beginning and commemorate the day of Lily's birth by telling the story of her birth.

I went in for a doctor appointment last Monday, the 27th, because I was one week past due. They scheduled a non-stress test and ultrasound to check on the baby. The ultrasound revealed that she was low on amniotic fluid and the doctor recommended induction. I was quite upset about this because I had really wanted a natural labor, but how do you refuse when the alternative could be harmful to your baby. So, Josh and I came home, packed a few things, and returned to the hospital at 8pm.

The did a foly bulb catheter through my cervix to put weight on it and help it start to open, gave me an ambien, and we all went to sleep. We woke up the next morning and began the pitocin induction. They started out at very low level and ramped it up from there, and while I had contractions on the monitor, I didn't feel any until around 4:30 that afternoon. Josh and I had just been discussing how slow things were going when I heard (or maybe felt) may water break. When it broke the midwife discovered that there was some meconium (or baby poop) in the water. She explained that this was common, but that they would have a NICU team on hand at the delivery just in case.

Honesty, I don't remember much of the time between 4:30 and 11:40 that night. I know that there was a lot of painful contractions, many position changes, and at least one moment when I considered getting an epidural. But, with the help of my amazing husband, great doula, and a team of two midwives and a nurse, I pushed (literally) through. I do know that I ended up pushing for around two hours and that the baby was crowning for about fourty-five minutes. It hurt. That's all I can really say about that.

At 11:41pm little Lily entered the world. As it turns out she had aspirated some meconium and had her cord compressed along the side of her head during birth, so they quickly cut the cord and took her to the NICU team. It was incredibly scary to not know how she was doing. Josh followed her and was watching them as they had to suction her lungs and give her oxygen. At first she was limp and greyish, but as soon as she heard Josh's voice talking to her, she opened her eyes and looked at him.

They were able to bring her and let me hold her for a few minutes before taking her to the NICU, which gave me some assurance that she was not in too bad of shape, but it was still very scary. That night was a tough one as we were taken to see her in her bubble for about five minutes and couldn't even hold her, then returned to our room without her. Out of exhaustion, we slept. The midwives, doula, and nurses were all very reassuring that this was not all that uncommon and that she would be better in no time. Thank goodness they were all right!

Welcome to the World Lily Jayne Hall

Lily Jayne Hall made her entrance into the world last night just before midnight weighing 7 pounds 1 once and measuring 22 inches long. She is absolutly precious! Because she swallowed some meconium, she is currently spending a little time in the NICU, but we've been to visit and she is doing well. We hope to hold and feed her today. I'll post pictures as soon as we get a chance to upload then.

Off to the Hospital

So we are home, but only for a moment. We head back to the hospital at 8pm tonight to be induced. The results of the non-stress test were great. Her heart rate looked good and she had good movement. The problem came with the ultrasound. It seems that my amniotic fluid levels are pretty low. Because of this, they highly recommend induction.

I have to admit, I'm pretty sad. I really do not love the idea of spending the night, or several nights, in the hospital. I'm scared that induction means more pain and more chance of C-Section. It makes me upset that instead of being excited about labor starting at home, I'm anxious about going into the hospital. This is not the plan, and it's hard for me to give up on the plan.

But, in the end, I would never want to sacrifice my little girl's well being because of my plan. So, we are off to the hospital. Again, praying folks, I appreciate any and all of your prayers!

+ 6 days

As of today, I am six days late and there don't really seem to be any signs of Baby Hall. This cartoon is so true, it's not even funny! I think we are all, especially the soon to be grandparents, getting very excited.

Since I am almost a week late, we are scheduled for a non-stress test at 2:30 today which, frankly, is causing me some stress. It's funny. I don't mind waiting at all for her to come. In fact, I'm feeling surprisingly patient, but, what I am afraid of, is that the fact she is late will lead to more chance of unnecessary medical interventions.

There is a part of me that is scared that I'll go in for that test today and they won't let me come home. On the other hand, I feel selfish for thinking that because if they don't I'm sure it's for the baby's health and that is ultimately and significantly more important than doing things "my way". Perhaps that is part of what I'm really afraid of, that something will be wrong.

Grrr...despite my efforts to be rational about it all, I feel the crazies setting in a bit. Please pray, if you are praying folk, that everything will be fine today and that labor will start on it's own soon!

I'll Wait!

You know...this being "late" thing is interesting. Yes, it's true that my little girls due date was three days ago, but what does that really mean? I don't really believe that you can or should schedule birth for a specific date. For most of history and in most areas of the world women don't have specific days that their babies are due. Many only have a vague idea of "the end of September", if that. The only reason I feel any impatience is this imposed medical structure, which doesn't really mean anything.

While it is true that I am excited about meeting her, and Josh and I both struggle to be patient, I really do believe that she will come when she is ready. There were two of my friends who were also expecting this week, and both of them have had their babies already. While you might think I would find this frustrating, they also both ended up having c-sections. I don't know the details of their birth situations, but I can't help but think that when we get in a hurry we increase our chances of unnecessary medical interventions.

While I appreciate all the prayers, thoughts, and well wishes. I don't really feel like I need sympathy, apologies, or condolences. If given the choice of waiting and allowing her birth to be natural, or being in a hurry and doing "whatever it takes" to get her here, I'll wait! I feel super blessed that I'm not miserable, or really even that uncomfortable. I'm sleeping well and the carpal tunnel in my hand has gone away. I'm going to try to enjoy these days I have to hang out with friends and relax before she comes!

P.S. This doesn't mean that I wasn't upset with Josh for choosing October 2nd in his office birth pool and don't get mad at my sister when she suggested her birthday, October 5th!

This Song Made Me Cry

This song made me cry this morning on the way to work. I'm just so tired of going to work, and I'd rather be home snuggling my little one!

Porcelain Doll Chatham County Line

Hush now my baby - Hush my Porcelain Doll
Your papa has you in his arms and he won't let you fall
The wind might rock your cradle, the earth itself may shake
But I'll be here for you, if the bough does break
Anything at all - My Porcelain Doll

Look at the little feet - Look at the little hands
There is something there that only I can understand
I'm here to protect you and keep you safe from harm
If you could spend your whole life wrapped up in my arms
In a little ball - My Porcelain Doll

Someday you'll be older - go of on your own
Out into the world and build a brand new home
But I want you to know as the years they pass us by
I'll be here for you, until the day I die
For anything at all - My Porcelain Doll

D Day

Well, today is supposedly my due date, but I would be shocked if she makes it. That's the funny thing about babies. They are really tiny, but totally have a mind of their own! It's sort of funny all of the different suggestions that people have for ways to make her come (spicy food, jumping up and down, cleaning, sex, etc.) and the predictions they have of when she will come (full moon, weekend, Tuesdays, their birthday, etc.) In reality, I think she will just come when she is ready. I have to admit, though, that both Josh and I are struggling to be patient.

Honestly, it's really cute to see how excited Josh is getting. Some of the women in his office brought him a baby girl doll today to take care of until our actual daughter gets here. He swaddled her and let her sleep in a box in his office! He said she was really good and never cried. I told him not to get too spoiled by that because our real daughter might just cry! It's still really sweet because it actually made him more excited about our little one.

He's so excited, in fact, that he decided to go with me to my midwife appointment today just in case there was anything interesting going on. Sadly, there was not. Don't get me wrong...we are both relieved that nothing bad is going on. My blood pressure is normal. Her size and her heart rate are great. It's just hard to not know when she'll decide to come. It feels a bit like we have to put everything on hold, but I guess we should really just try to live our life as normally as possible. I guess it would be good to be surprised when she does decide to come, but I do hope to meet her soon!

P.S. I really hope it's not really October!

To Work or Not To Work...That is the Question

Well, today, September 20th is the day I had originally intended to start my maternity leave, yet here I sit at work! It is an interesting situation. Part of me is tired and ready to be home, but part of me wants to save my days to be with her after she is here. Plus, I know it will be quite boring to sit home all day just waiting. Last week, a parent at open house told me that in Germany you are required to leave work six weeks before your baby is due...I think that might drive me crazy.

Still, everything at school is ready for me to be out. Everyone seems shocked that I'm here every day that I show up. I've got my long term sub all lined up and waiting for the call. I've met with her a couple of times to plan and discuss what she will be teaching. When I left on Friday, I left all of my sub plans and copies for the next two weeks. I've got all of my papers graded and student grades are up to date. I've taken care of all of the necessary business...I'm ready to go!

Still, at this point, it's a tough decision to make. This morning I woke up feeling a little strange. Just slightly crampy and sore, but not really like I was in labor. I don't want anything dramatic to happen at work, but I also don't want to sit around home for days. I actually called my doula, Erin, to ask her opinion. As I was thinking, she said that it probably would not go from nothing to drama too fast and I would have time to come home if anything escalated. Plus, being up and around would be better for me than sitting on the couch at home. So, here I am. I guess from here on out it will be a day by day decision.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding!

Last week a kind friend brought me a copy of this book, and I just started reading it tonight. It is published by La Leche League and is a self described "meeting in a book" set up like a gathering of women talking about their breastfeeding experiences and answering the most common questions.

I know this might sound crazy, but I am really, really excited about nursing my baby. I have read and heard a lot about it and the benefits to both baby and mother are huge. Beyond the financial, and physical, I really do believe there is an emotional component for both mother and baby. My favorite quote from the book says "bottle feeding fills her stomach, but breastfeeding fills her soul". I have to say that I really can't wait. I told Josh tonight that a big part of me pictures myself spending the first week(s) sitting around topless feeding our baby!

Don't worry...we will still receive some guests and I will use a nursing cover when company is over so no one is too uncomfortable...still...I'm super excited for this part of motherhood!

Momma Loves Books!

It is tradition for a father to be to buy his wife a present when she has a baby. I guess it's sort of a thank you for giving me this child gift. Traditionally I think this gift involves jewelry, but my amazing husband knows me better than that. He knows that I don't really wear any "nice" jewelry except my wedding rings. He knows that what I really love more than almost anything except him and baby girl is books. We frequently joke about how many books I read and how I frequently am reading more than one at a time. Just yesterday I brought home a big stack of books from work to be my maternity leave reading.

Because he knows this about me, he got me the most perfect "thank you for this child" gift ever...a new Amazon Kindle! It is amazing. It is so light weight and easy to hold and read. It's just like my favorite paperbacks, but, and this is the crazy part, it will hold hundreds of books! Can you imagine that...having hundreds of books in your purse, yet only adding 8.5 ounces! I LOVE IT! I have the best hubby! Now I just have to set a budget for purchasing books...and get a cute green case!

The Pediatrician

All of my baby books tell me that it's important to interview potential pediatricians in the month before you baby is born. This is something of a foreign concept for me. Where we grew up, there were not a lot of options. You took your baby to the doctor the hospital or friends recommended. There was no interview process.

A few weeks ago I asked friends who live near me and have new babies who they go to and got a few recommendations. Then I did a little online research. It looked to me like University Pediatrics at Highgate was a good option. They are close to our house, have long office hours (8am - 8pm) and came recommended by several different friends, so I gave them a call last week to find out what I needed to do to get our daughter into their practice. They set up an appointment today for me to "meet and greet" the doctor I was most interested in.

After work today Josh and I went to meet her. I have to admit that Josh and I both felt a little awkward "interviewing" a doctor. This is just not something I am used to. I took the list of questions many of my books suggested and paired it down to the things that seemed most important to us. The doctor we met with was very nice and answered all of our questions. The only thing I wasn't thrilled with was that they don't do email with their patients, but I understand how they could be overwhelmed. They do have a nurse advice line that is available twenty-four hours a day and a doctor on call at any time, which is great.

We found out what we needed to do to get her in the practice, which was actually really easy since they are both part of the UNC group. We have a pediatrician. A part of me feels bad not interviewing numerous people until I find someone perfect, but I also feel pretty confident that they will take good care of our little girl.

Wow!

Today has been a day of wow moments. It began when I got my weekly email update about the baby. I found it ironic that she is now being compared in size to a "small watermelon". The picture and the realization that this baby is actually big and strong and able to survive on her own just made me go wow!

Then, this afternoon, as I walked into the hospital for my 39 week check up, I had another wow moment. I was thinking back on all the times I've made that walk and realized that I'm almost there. I know that seems obvious, and I've been thinking about it for a while, but, for some reason, I was reminded of all of the anxiety of the early weeks. Of all the visits to the reproductive endocrinologist and not know if I could get pregnant. Of the fear that the pregnancy might not "stick" or that something would go wrong with the baby. It brought tears to my eyes to realize that at this point odds are really good that within a very short period of time I'll have a little squirmy bundle of joy to hold and love. WOW! It's pretty amazing and wonderful. I think I've sort of lost sight of some of that in the stress and exhaustion of the last few weeks of getting ready, but I really am delighted and blessed!

Then, tonight was open house at school and it was really funny to talk to all of my students parents. Of course some of them have heard that I was expecting but to others, mostly parents of boys, it was a surprise. The first question everyone asked was "When are you due?". When I told them I was due one week from today they almost all looked shocked and said "wow!". Many of them told me how great I looked. It's sort of cool to be told how great you look when you feel huge! I do feel lucky that, for the most part, pregnancy has been pretty easy for me. Although still tired and swollen and not sleeping, I'm getting really excited. Now I'm just ready to meet her!

38 Weeks & Narcissism

This week, well, actually Tuesday of this week...I'm late...I am 38 weeks. Wow! I was born at 38 weeks. At my midwife appointment this week we talked about induction if I go past. That is sort of crazy, but it made me realize that I am going to have this baby...soon. I do finally feel like most of the practical things are in order. Our house is ready. The car seat is installed. I have talked to my substitutes (yes, there will be two, but It'll be fine) Our bag isn't quite packed, but the things to pack in it are set out ready to pack. We've programed the doula and midwife numbers into our phones.

What's strange is that I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready. There is a big part of me that is really sad about the loss of being pregnant. For the most part I have felt wonderful. It has been really fun. I think it's somewhat narcissistic. I have actually liked the attention. People treat you differently. They are kinder. They are helpful. They give you presents. Some are even brave enough to gently touch you. Strangers look at you like you are special and even beautiful. I like that. I'm going to miss that.

Blogging About Being Too Tired to Blog

Well, I have many things that I want to post about, but I'm feeling down right exhausted. I told Josh earlier that I was even feeling too tired to blog and he said I should blog about that, so here goes! :) Here are the high points from the last few days. Maybe I'll get up the energy to post about some of them in more detail at a later date.

• Friday afternoon I had another visit with the acupuncturist/chiropractor that ended with me paying twice what I expected, driving home in tears, Josh on the phone with her, a $20 rebate and a vow to not return...Oh, and a hand that still hurts and now sore hips as well.
• Saturday I washed all of the baby's laundry and did some shopping for a nursing gown and robe to pack in my hospital bag (which still isn't packed).
• Sunday I got my hair cut and colored. I debated and researched the safety of hair dye and came to the conclusion that it was totally safe, and it was lovely to be pampered for two hours. I haven't had a chance to fix it myself yet and know for sure if I love it. Tomorrow will tell.
• DRT played an event last night that was a lot of fun.
• Today was a day of much nesting. We got a dishwasher (to be delivered Thursday). I folded and put away a mountain of baby clothes (seriously, I'll post pictures when we get them uploaded). Josh put together the pack 'n play and installed the car seat, and we ordered the things from our registry that we need, but didn't get.
• Some friends think I've "dropped" and am going to have the baby soon, but I'm not sure. Last night I got really sad thinking about not being pregnant any more, today I'm exhausted with my big body and excited to meet her. It's a roller coaster.
  
• There has been much debate over the baby's middle name, which still isn't resolved.
  
• I've had some strange dreams about the baby.
• My feet are swelling, seriously swelling.
• I wanted Josh to take some pictures of me now that I am really big, but I feel all swollen and not my most beautiful.
  
• I found out they do have a sub for me at work but haven't met him/her yet. Hopefully I will soon, because I'm not sure how much longer I'll be working. I feel totally unmotivated to be there or do the things I need to do.
  
• I feel like there are a hundred things that need to be done, but I have no energy to do them. I thought I was supposed to get a burst of nesting energy?!?!
• Our families are very excited and demanding daily updates. Do they really think we'll forget to call?
• I'm trying not to get it into my head that it's going to be really soon. It could be, but it could also be weeks.
  
• I'm getting a little nervous about the labor, delivery, and parenting part of all of this. Strangely, I've not really thought ahead much!

I apologize for this list being a bit random and manic, I guess it reflects how I've been feeling.

The Last Birth Class

Last night was our last birth class with our wonderful doula, Erin. This class really focused on nursing and baby care. I have to be honest. I haven't really thought ahead that much. Is that bad? I do have quite a few books on baby care and on nursing that friends have given us, but I haven't read any of them. I'm still not finished with the ones on pregnancy and childbirth!

It's funny because I know that this pregnancy thing is only 9 months and childbirth will only be a few hours, God willing, but they have consumed most of my attention. I guess I don't worry too much about what it will be like because there is really no way to know or prepare.It was interesting, however, to discuss some different theories about nursing and soothing/sleeping. Last night I started seriously thinking about what it's going to be like once she is here. It's really quite exciting.

We watched a video called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" about how to soothe a fussy baby. A friend gave us this book, which we haven't read, but the video was interesting. That guy seemed like a miracle worker and my skeptical brain was questioning if it would really work. His theory is that the first three months of life are really the fourth trimester and your baby is still like a fetus and needs comforting like a fetus. Thus, he employs the 5 S's to soothe a baby. Swaddle, Side/Stomach Position, Shushing (for some reason this one is really funny in the video...much louder than you would expect), Swinging, and Sucking. While it seems a bit too easy to really work, I am hopeful, and, if it means a happy sleepy baby, you better believe I'll try it!

We also talked about infant led nursing, where the baby is allowed to find the best position to nurse in rather than put in the "correct" position. The video of this was amazing as a newborn would squirm it's way down and onto the breast just like little kittens. If you are interested, you can check it out on YouTube (beware, it is a bit graphic...it is breast feeding after all). It was fascinating and sort of went against my desire to control. But, if it means a well fed baby and less sore nipples, you better believe I'll try it!

Overall, I have a feeling that those first few weeks will be a lot of trial and error, but I do feel fairly confident that Josh and I can figure it out without doing too much harm. I'm really sort of looking forward to that family building time.

Chrysanthemum

The other night my friend Kelly had a copy of the book Chrysanthemum she bought to give her niece as a birthday present. This was one children's book that I had never read and it looked interesting, so I read through it. It scared the crap out of me!

The story is about a little mouse who is so special that her parents have to come up with a very special name for her. They decide to name her Chrysanthemum. All growing up, she love the name. She loved to read it and to write it, and to say it. The trouble starts, however, when she starts school. The other little mice make fun of her and her name. They say it's too long (it has as many letters as half of the alphabet), and is a flower (they pretend to pick and smell her and tell her she must be out of the dirt). Chrysanthemum then begins to feel that her name isn't special at all and is quite sad. Luckily a special teacher comes along, named Delphinium, and helps her feel special again.

I found the message of this sweet little book, quite frightening. Names are important. What we name our little girl will be with her all of her life! Someone said to me not long ago that it must be a really special name if we are keeping it secret. Honestly, while we really love it and it is special to us, it's not anything super secret worthy. We didn't keep it a secret to wow everyone with it. We just didn't want people to ruin it for us by telling us what was wrong with it.

Interestingly, it has become quite a hot button issue among our friends. They keep trying to trick us or convince us to tell. The keep trying to guess. Many have their favorite "pretend" names. We let slip that one person had guessed correctly but that they didn't know they had guessed correctly which only added to the mystery. Now I'm afraid that people will be disappointed and wonder what all the hype was about when she actually is named.

P.S. In reality, we haven't even completely decided on a middle name. There are two we love, and Josh and I are somewhat divided. One of them I like with the first name, but one I like better with another first name and sort of want to "save" it for that name if we have another girl. Josh argues that there is no guarantee we will have another girl and shouldn't save it. We have reached something of a stalemate which may not be broken until we see her!

P.P.S. Feel free to post your guesses...I find them amusing!