Jack is Here

Tomorrow is Jack's one month birthday! Wow! I thought life was busy a month ago. Turns out I had no idea how busy Jack would make our life. In order to play catch up, I'm going to be writing a series of posts about the last few weeks, starting with this one telling his incredibly fun birth story!

I was really worried about having to be induced with Jack. Week forty came and went without any real signs of labor. I had a scheduled induction for forty two weeks, but Josh and my Mom both thought that was too long to push it. At my 41 week appointment I was going to ask to do it right away. I was scheduled for a non-stress test on Wednesday, March 14th, and I was really dreading it. On Friday, April 9th I went to a chiropractor to get an adjustment to hopefully get everything in line for his arrival. At the midwife appointment that afternoon, I was 2cm dilated and he was very low! I tried not to get too excited.

But nothing much happened over the weekend, which was a little disappointing. then Monday night, as I was going to bed, I felt a gush of fluid. My water had broken. I was excited! I instantly texted Josh, who was out with a friend. He replied, "Cool, let me finish my beer", then "JK, I'm on my way home!" We went to the hospital that night and they checked everything and let us go home and get some rest with instructions to come back around noon the next day to start induction if labor didn't start on it's own.We actually slept a little and I woke up around 7am disappointed that nothing was happening. It looked like I was facing induction after all.

We called our parents and told them to come, but not to hurry. I emailed some friends and asked them to pray that I would go into labor and not have to be induced. At 7:30, I felt the first real contraction. After two more, that were strong enough I felt like I needed to get out of bed, Josh said he thought we should go on to the hospital after our nanny arrived. I thought he was being a little over cautious, but agreed and we both got a shower and got ready to go. By this point my contractions were fairly strong and frequent. I decided I should have something to eat, and, although not hungry, forced myself to eat some applesauce while my nanny set timing my contractions. At that point they were about three minutes apart! We needed to get to the hospital.

We left our house around 8:45 and Josh debated stopping at Mc.Donalds for breakfast. At first I told him it was fine, but after we pulled in the parking lot I told him I thought maybe we should keep going, so he pulled out the other side and drove quickly to the hospital. At this point I was having nearly constant strong contractions and was starting to feel like a sissy. I kept thinking. "We are just getting started and this hurts...how in the world am I going to be able to stand this for hours". Josh was apparently thinking, "I hope I don't have to deliver this baby in the back of this rental Cadillac!"

We made it to the hospital and I, stupidly, refused a wheel chair and opted to walk up to labor and delivery. I had to stop and lean on Josh several time in the hospital lobby to have contractions. Apparently people were looking at me like I was about to deliver in the lobby. At check it, it seemed to me that the lady was going incredibly slow and I was in almost constant pain, so I finally demanded a room, or at least a bathroom (I felt like I needed to poop) NOW. A nurse took a look at me and said she would take me back and get me settled. Soon after, about 9:45 a midwife came in and checked me and said I was 8cm. She had to see another patient, but said to page her if I felt like I needed to push.

As soon as she walked out of the room I told Josh I knew she would think I was crazy, but I sort of felt like I needed to push, so he pushed the nurse button and the midwife and nurse came back in. Sure enough, he was there and ready to be born! I pushed for about ten minutes and at 10:36, little Jack entered the world screaming! It was amazing. I got to hold him right away and even try to nurse him soon after his birth. Josh got to cut the cord. My doula made it just in time to help with pushing and my Mom and Dad were texted Jacks picture just as they pulled in the parking garage!

It was crazy fast, but amazing. I felt great after his birth and not even tired or all that sore. It's the kind of birth experience I wish all women could have. I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt, it did, but it was so quick and all of the pain felt like it had a purpose and was bringing us our little man.

Pumpkin Spice Lattes Make Me Cry

Yesterday I had my first pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks in over year and cried all the way to work! You may think that is a little extreme and I'm sure it's a little hormonal, but the last time I had a pumpkin spice latte I was in the hospital having Lily. That week, in fact, in the hospital, I had two. The first was the morning of my induction. We had gone into the hospital the night before and woke hungry but not wanting any of the hospital food. I sent Josh to the hospital Starbucks and he came back with a bagel and my first every pumpkin spice latte (decaf of course!). It was delicious.

The second was the morning we left the hospital to bring Lily home. We had a very rough night in the NICU sleep room having a sleepless baby all to ourselves for the first time and paranoid that something would go wrong now that she was disconnected from all of her monitors. Josh again ran to the Starbucks and returned with a bagel and pumpkin spice latte (I was hooked). They accidentally made two caf, so he had to get a third in decaf (for me for free), and we shared the extra caf one with one of our amazing doctors.

Those first days of Lily's life are packed with an amazing myriad of emotions. The fear and disappointment of learning I was going to have to be induced. The drama and pain of labor and delivery. The joy and excitement at her arrival. The anxiety when she was taken to the NICU. The frustration over not having her with us and not being able to nurse her right away. The beauty of those first few moments when we did get to hold her and I got to nurse her. The shock of that first night in the sleep room where we realized we were totally responsible. The relief and excitement as we left the hospital to bring her home to our house as a family. It was by far, the most emotionally charged few day of my life, and it's funny how the tastes and smells of the one hot beverage can bring all of that pouring back.

As we start to think about the arrival of baby number two, I have to admit that I'm a little nervous. I'm just not sure I'm ready to go through all of that again. I pray, and I ask that you pray, that this arrival will be a bit less dramatic than the first!

Advice

I have several friends who are expecting or recently had their first baby. Last night, while feeding Lily, I began thinking about what sort of things I would want them to know. I know from personal experience, however, that a lot of people offer a lot of different advice and it should all be taken with a grain of salt. So, rather than peppering my friends with it, here is my two cents. Take it or leave it!

1. You have no idea how much you will love your baby. You might have really wanted children, like I did. You might think you love your unborn baby. You may even question how much you love her the first few days or even weeks (I did...it's normal). But a month out, or five months out, you will love her way more than you ever imagined possible.

2. Natural birth is completely possible. I think that as a laboring mother, your body knows what to do not only physically, but also mentally. I honestly do not remember much of the pain of labor at all, even despite being induced. I'm glad I did it and would do it again.

3. Stick out nursing, but formula isn't evil. I really wanted to nurse Lily. It wasn't easy, but I stuck it out, and I am super glad I did. Still, at the same time, a little formula at the beginning was just what she needed and it still makes my life easier from time to time. It has not hurt her in any way.

4. It's good to have a plan, but expect it to change. I had not planned on being induced. I had not planned on Lily being in the NICU. I had not planned on her not nursing well. I like to plan, and was very upset when things went against my plan. But, and I can say this now in hindsight, none of it was really a big deal. I have a very healthy happy baby!

5. There is no "wrong" choice to make. I would get all caught up and afraid to make a decision about what to do for Lily (especially in the bedtime realm) for fear of making the wrong decision.

6. Don't read too much. The is related to #5. I read way too many books which frequently contradicted each other. At one point I was laying in bed debating whether or not I should let Lily cry herself to sleep, and reading both La Leche League and Babywise!This left me in a state of analysis paralysis. One of the best moms I know told me her secret what that she didn't read anything, but trusted her own instincts!

7. Things will change. I think that a lot of new parent stress is caused by feeling like the way your baby is now (especially if she is now fussy, or not sleeping, or not eating) is the way she will always be. Babies change moment to moment.

8. You don't need a ton of gear, but there are a few pieces that I love. I don't really think what type of diapers (although I'd avoid Babies R Us brand) or formula (although I like organic) you use matters. You'll get clothes. You'll get toys. These items, however, I don't think I could live without!

Moby Wrap - This has been magic for Lily. When she was little and fussy, she would sleep in it when nothing else would do. Now that she doesn't love sitting in her stoller, I can take her shopping or on other outings in it and she is totally happy! I dread the day when she doesn't fit in it anymore.

Swaddleme Swaddles - Sleep magic!

Snap N Go Stroller Frame - it is so easily portable!

Bouncy Seat - it's pretty easy to move around (in the kitchen when cooking, in the bathroom when showering, etc.) and Lily loves to sit in hers.

PTSD at the Hospital

On Friday Lily had to go to the hospital for an ultrasound related to some strawberry hemangiomas she has (they aren't a big deal, but the doctors just want to cover all the bases). She did great, didn't even really fuss, and watched Spongebob on the TV in the ultrasound room most of the time.

I, on the other hand, struggled way more than I expected to. From the moment I started across the bridge from the parking deck to the hospital, I was on the verge of tears. Entering and walking through the building almost toppled me. The funny thing is, it wasn't because I was worried about the tests or about her now. It was because of the flood of negative memories that overtook me.

It makes me sad. When you have a baby you should have positive memories of the experience. But, from the stress of being induced, to the pain of labor (which wasn't followed by holding my precious one, but by having her whisked away), to the lonely post labor room, to visits to the cold NICU, to being told I was being discharged and she wasn't, and to that first scary night together in the sleep room, it wasn't a great experience. It was the toughest and scariest week of my life.

Walking through those halls again and smelling that hospital smell brought it all rushing back. I pushed the tears away and pushed through, but I am in no hurry to go back there anytime soon. If it wasn't for the fear that something would go wrong (like it did with Lily) I'd have my next one at home!

Blogger Block

I think I have blogger's block. Every time I sit down to blog I feel overwhelmed by all the things I want to share. There have been so many new experiences the last few days: the first night alone with her at the hospital, bringing her home, the first pediatrician visit, feeding, sleeping, diapering, crying, the first bath, visiting with family and friend, and much more. But, every time I sit down to write, I get emotional and things don't seem to come out right. Overall our little girl is precious. We are struggling a bit to get into a routine where she will sleep without having to nurse to pacify herself, but on the whole she eats, sleeps, and diapers well. I think that is about all we can ask for as parents of a two week old.

Life in the Hospital & Beautiful, Helpful People

I'm not going to lie, it was no fun living in the hospital. I was a patient from Monday, the 27th - Thursday the 29th and a resident while Lily was still a patient through the 31st with only two short trips out of the hospital for around an hour each. It was rough to be a patient, and even rougher to be discharged and have Lily still there.

As a patient there were constantly people coming in to check on or talk to us. I was really amazed at all of the different representatives that had to visit us at some point. It was quite funny to have someone come in to check my vitals only to have my nurse come in a half hour later and do the same thing. There were representatives of all sorts of hospital groups and patient relations. The most humorous was the anesthesiologist (or probably a resident) who came in while I was in labor to make sure my "airway wasn't compromised" in case they were needed. He stood no closer than three feet from the bed, never touched me, and had me open my mouth and stick out my tongue.

Then there was the hospital food. It is shocking how little healthy food is available in the hospital. I did get three meals a day while I was there, but they were astoundingly heavy and not at all what I was in the mood for at any point in time. There were biscuits and gravy, two lunches of fried chicken, and something called beef and broccoli that looked disgusting. The cafeteria wasn't much better. The options there were mostly pizza, burgers, etc. Luckily we had some friends bring in Panera and Josh was able to go out and get us some healthier options.

It was truly the most exhausting and frustrating five days of my life. There were, however, some amazingly beautiful people that made things as good as they could be given the situation. I had an amazing birth team and all of the nurses that took care of me in my postpartum room were fantastic. They were great at being compassionate to our specific situation and truly made me feel like they cared about us. The NICU nurses and doctors (with the exception of one "old school" nurse) taking care of Lily were also fantastic. They did everything they could to accommodate us and try to do what was best for everyone involved. Even the lactation consultants, although a bit pushy at times, were amazing in advocating for us to get a sleep room once I was discharged and Lily was still in the hospital. All in all we were very blessed to have such beautiful, helpful people taking care of us all. Still, it is very nice to be home!

Lily is 1 Week Old!

And what a week it has been. Sorry I haven't had more time to blog, but I'm sure all you parents out there can understand. It has been the most wonderful, terrible, exciting, scary, emotional, exhausting week I could ever imagine, and there is so much to say I don't even know where to start. I have a back log of about 10 things I want to post, but I guess I'll start at the beginning and commemorate the day of Lily's birth by telling the story of her birth.

I went in for a doctor appointment last Monday, the 27th, because I was one week past due. They scheduled a non-stress test and ultrasound to check on the baby. The ultrasound revealed that she was low on amniotic fluid and the doctor recommended induction. I was quite upset about this because I had really wanted a natural labor, but how do you refuse when the alternative could be harmful to your baby. So, Josh and I came home, packed a few things, and returned to the hospital at 8pm.

The did a foly bulb catheter through my cervix to put weight on it and help it start to open, gave me an ambien, and we all went to sleep. We woke up the next morning and began the pitocin induction. They started out at very low level and ramped it up from there, and while I had contractions on the monitor, I didn't feel any until around 4:30 that afternoon. Josh and I had just been discussing how slow things were going when I heard (or maybe felt) may water break. When it broke the midwife discovered that there was some meconium (or baby poop) in the water. She explained that this was common, but that they would have a NICU team on hand at the delivery just in case.

Honesty, I don't remember much of the time between 4:30 and 11:40 that night. I know that there was a lot of painful contractions, many position changes, and at least one moment when I considered getting an epidural. But, with the help of my amazing husband, great doula, and a team of two midwives and a nurse, I pushed (literally) through. I do know that I ended up pushing for around two hours and that the baby was crowning for about fourty-five minutes. It hurt. That's all I can really say about that.

At 11:41pm little Lily entered the world. As it turns out she had aspirated some meconium and had her cord compressed along the side of her head during birth, so they quickly cut the cord and took her to the NICU team. It was incredibly scary to not know how she was doing. Josh followed her and was watching them as they had to suction her lungs and give her oxygen. At first she was limp and greyish, but as soon as she heard Josh's voice talking to her, she opened her eyes and looked at him.

They were able to bring her and let me hold her for a few minutes before taking her to the NICU, which gave me some assurance that she was not in too bad of shape, but it was still very scary. That night was a tough one as we were taken to see her in her bubble for about five minutes and couldn't even hold her, then returned to our room without her. Out of exhaustion, we slept. The midwives, doula, and nurses were all very reassuring that this was not all that uncommon and that she would be better in no time. Thank goodness they were all right!

Welcome to the World Lily Jayne Hall

Lily Jayne Hall made her entrance into the world last night just before midnight weighing 7 pounds 1 once and measuring 22 inches long. She is absolutly precious! Because she swallowed some meconium, she is currently spending a little time in the NICU, but we've been to visit and she is doing well. We hope to hold and feed her today. I'll post pictures as soon as we get a chance to upload then.

Off to the Hospital

So we are home, but only for a moment. We head back to the hospital at 8pm tonight to be induced. The results of the non-stress test were great. Her heart rate looked good and she had good movement. The problem came with the ultrasound. It seems that my amniotic fluid levels are pretty low. Because of this, they highly recommend induction.

I have to admit, I'm pretty sad. I really do not love the idea of spending the night, or several nights, in the hospital. I'm scared that induction means more pain and more chance of C-Section. It makes me upset that instead of being excited about labor starting at home, I'm anxious about going into the hospital. This is not the plan, and it's hard for me to give up on the plan.

But, in the end, I would never want to sacrifice my little girl's well being because of my plan. So, we are off to the hospital. Again, praying folks, I appreciate any and all of your prayers!