Ultrasound of Baby #2

Today we had our first ultrasound for Baby #2. I was excited about getting to see him or her for the first time and hear that precious heartbeat. I have to admit that I was a little disappointed. Not because anything was wrong. The "data" we got was all good. What made me leave there feeling down was the bedside manner of the ultrasound technician and the doctor. We decided to go to REX hospital instead of UNC because they could get us in a lot sooner, which was a mistake.

With Lily the people we saw always made us feel excited. At the first ultrasound, I remember them pointing out things and saying things like "listen to that strong heartbeat", or "look at those little leg buds". This technician, who wasn't even set up for an early ultrasound because she hadn't looked at my chart that closely, said absolutely nothing except to fuss at Josh who was trying to keep Lily happy. "Don't stand up, you might trip over that one electrical cord", "she can't eat cheerios in here", "I'm going to need you to be quiet", etc. She didn't even explain at all to me what she was doing (fortunately I've had an early, vaginal, ultrasound before or I'd have been really confused). She did play the heartbeat for maybe two seconds, but didn't say a word about it.

The doctor who came in introduced herself and said literally "It looks like you are about, um...how many weeks...oh eight...I mean seven." I honestly think that was all she was going to say, but I asked if everything looked good. Her response..."yes". Then I asked what the heart rate was. She looked at the technician who said "141". That was all...no more information was offered, so we left.

I was upset. I was sure, because of the way they made me feel, that something was wrong. But the reality is, as Josh helpfully pointed out on the way home, that all of the facts and details were good. There is a baby. It's in the right place. It's the right size. It has a heartbeat. All good. I was just feeling down because of the way their bedside manner influenced my perception of the facts. So, a word to all you medical professionals out there, know that how you treat your patients impacts their perception of their condition almost as much as the facts do!

The First Prenatal Visit - Take 2

Today we had our first prenatal visit for Baby Hall #2. It was pretty easy. They actually had a nurse call me last week and review my medical history so that part was already out of the way. The midwife (who was the same wonderful one who delivered Lily) remembered us and was very positive about seeing us again. I think that made us both a little more excited.

We reviewed the medical history and then did the physical part of the exam. Josh went with me, hoping they would either do a ultrasound or at least let us hear the heartbeat. Sadly, we weren't able to do either, but we do have an ultrasound scheduled for Friday. I'm looking forward to seeing and hearing this little one.

Don't be Judgy (and Lily's 9 Month Check Up)

Today was Lily's nine month check up. She is doing great. Still tall (29 inches - 99th percentile) but thinning out a bit (18lbs 5oz - 50th percentile) due to all the moving around. She is the picture of perfect health and even tolerated her shot and anemia test fairly well.

I had an interesting realization at the doctor's today, though.

It was really crowded this morning. The office was full of kids waiting for their check up (our pediatrician, who I love, intentionally schedules the well visits in the morning and sick visits in the afternoon to limit contagion). A mother with her daughter, who was probably about four, were in front of me in line to check in. I heard her explain to the receptionist that she didn't have an appointment, but she really needs to see a doctor right away because her daughter has a mosquito bite that is swelling on her face.

I have to admit. My first thoughts were judgy. Really...a mosquito bite? You rush your daughter to the doctor for a mosquito bite? I have ten mosquito bites right now! I can't even see it from here! It can't be worth the time and expense of a doctor visit! How silly! I could tell the people in line behind me and in the waiting room were thinking the same thing. I could tell that the receptionist was thinking the same thing, although she handled it quite well and told the woman they would work her in (this is part of why I love this doctor).

Selfishly, I thought about my busy day. I thought about all I had to do and how I had my appointment scheduled three months ago. I thought about how I would be upset if they "worked her in" before I got to see the doctor. I thought about how "unfair" it would be if her mosquito bite somehow meant we had to spend more time waiting.

As I sat there waiting (just a few minutes) for my appointment, though, I got to thinking. Am I really that different from this mom? Am I not a worry wart sometimes (see cartoon!)? Don't I sometimes start to freak out over a little bump, or a "strange" diaper, or a "gooky" eye? The difference for me is Josh. He tells me chill out. He keeps me from freaking out. What if this woman doesn't have a husband? What is if she doesn't have a mom, or sister, or friend to ask? What if her daughter has a special medical condition where a bug bite could be a big deal?

Bottom line...I don't know her story. I don't know her situation. I should not be judgy. I should just count my own blessings!

Six Month Checkup

Yesterday was Lily's six month checkup. She is doing great. She weighs 16lbs 9oz (75th percentile) and is almost 28in long (99th percentile). Her head is still the 50th percentile which I think actually makes her look more proportioned than most babies. I was surprised that they made me fill out a check list of her development and actually had trouble answering some of the questions.

One question asked if she could rake and pick up a small crumb or cheerio. I had no idea. I thought I wasn't supposed to give her small crumbs! Another question asked about if her feet were flat when you pulled her to standing. I felt slightly deficient because I had never noticed her feet position before. A friend said she thought they should give you that list ahead of time so you could put your baby through the tests and have a good answer! :)

Overall thought, Lily is doing great. She is growing and developing just as she should be. She really charmed the doctor and nurse with her sweet smile and chewing on her toes (which was accompanied by a giant fart while naked on the scale causing the nurse and I to laugh which then made Lily giggle...super cute!)

BTW...my amazing photographer friend Star was here a few weekends ago and took some really cute pictures. Here are a few of my favorite funny faces! Click on the picture for a larger image and check out facebook for more!

The First Cold

Well, it had to happen sometime...Lily has a cold. She is, however, an amazingly happy sick baby. Aside from being slightly less inclined to nurse and making some strange sounds, she doesn't even act sick at all. In fact, if her pediatrician hadn't told me babies don't get seasonal allergies, I would have sworn that is what is going on.

Her symptoms have been classic allergy. She has had a stuffy nose and irritated eyes. I did end up taking her to the pediatrician because her eyes have been red and gooky, and I was afraid she had some sort of eye infection. The doctor, however, thinks that the eye stuff is just related to the cold. I just hope it doesn't get worse and doesn't last long.

PTSD at the Hospital

On Friday Lily had to go to the hospital for an ultrasound related to some strawberry hemangiomas she has (they aren't a big deal, but the doctors just want to cover all the bases). She did great, didn't even really fuss, and watched Spongebob on the TV in the ultrasound room most of the time.

I, on the other hand, struggled way more than I expected to. From the moment I started across the bridge from the parking deck to the hospital, I was on the verge of tears. Entering and walking through the building almost toppled me. The funny thing is, it wasn't because I was worried about the tests or about her now. It was because of the flood of negative memories that overtook me.

It makes me sad. When you have a baby you should have positive memories of the experience. But, from the stress of being induced, to the pain of labor (which wasn't followed by holding my precious one, but by having her whisked away), to the lonely post labor room, to visits to the cold NICU, to being told I was being discharged and she wasn't, and to that first scary night together in the sleep room, it wasn't a great experience. It was the toughest and scariest week of my life.

Walking through those halls again and smelling that hospital smell brought it all rushing back. I pushed the tears away and pushed through, but I am in no hurry to go back there anytime soon. If it wasn't for the fear that something would go wrong (like it did with Lily) I'd have my next one at home!

Starting Solids

Hey moms...when did you start your baby on solids? Please vote in the poll to the right or comment below!

This past week at Lily's pediatrician appointment, I asked her doctor when we should start thinking about giving her solid food. She said really any time between now and six months. She said I would just know...which, honestly, wasn't that helpful.

Last week, when she wasn't sleeping through the night, I considered giving her some cereal mixed in with her bottle to help her sleep. When I read about it and asked some friends, however, evidence pointed to the fact that it probably wouldn't work, and I just wasn't ready to start yet

Josh is really wanting to feed her everything. Perhaps this is because he doesn't get to feed her much. Just last weekend I had to convince him to not give her part of his breakfast. I, on the other hand, waiver about it. At times I think it would be fun to give her a little cereal and see how she likes it. Other times, I dread her starting solids because it feels like it would mean less nursing, which I love.

I almost bought a box of rice cereal yesterday at the grocery store, but at the last minute I put it back! I'm just curious what other mom's did and how it worked?

Shots and Sleepless Nights

I've seen the middle of the night way too much this week. Our normally good sleeping baby has had a rough week. I think she might have been going through a growth spurt the first part of the week. Monday she woke at 10pm and at 5am, which wasn't terrible. Wednesday night she woke at 11pm, 4am, and 6am, nursed and went back to sleep, which was a bit tough, especially since we got up at 3am to order iPhones! Last night, however, was the worst night we've had since her first week home.

Yesterday Lily went to the doctor for her four month check up and got some shots. I think they really made her sore and out of sorts. She woke up at 12:30am and was quite upset until about 2:30! Nothing would console her. She nursed for a while, but it never made her content and she would scream when she stopped. Then she got to where she wouldn't even nurse. I tried letting her "cry it out" twice, but she would only settle briefly before starting wail again. At one point she was asleep in my arms in our bed, but my arm was going numb and there was no way I could sleep in that position, so I tried to lay her down. This resulted in a return of the wail. Eventually I was able to give her some more tylenol (which I couldn't give her before 2am because she had had it at 8 before bed) and soothe her in bed until she was deep asleep enough for me to lay her down.

It was not fun for anyone, especially Josh who had to get up extra early this morning for work. He and I both got quite flustered and frustrated. The middle of the night hysteria started to set in and we both got short with each other. It was not our best partnering or parenting. As we finally fell asleep , I leaned over to him and whispered that I have no idea how people survive who have nights like this one on a regular basis. Then I sent up a silent prayer and plea that Lily would sleep the rest of the night. Thanks be to God that she did!

2 Months, A Check Up, & Immunizations

Lily turned two months old on Sunday. On Monday she had her two month check up. She was eleven pounds even and twenty-three inches long! She is in the 50th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height. Her head circumference is the 25th percentile, but in all ways the doctor said she seemed perfect! What a wonderful check up after all of the drama of her first few weeks. I'm so glad that she is right on track.

Part of this check up included her two month immunizations. Vaccines are a hot parenting topic right now and I have to admit that I had some hesitations about the current recommended vaccine schedule. I just finished reading the book House Rules about a boy with Autism who's mother blames his disorder on his vaccines. After some research (none of which showed a link between current vaccines and Autism or any other disorders) and discussions with a friend who is a pediatrician and parent, however, we decided to follow the AAP recommended vaccine schedule.

This meant that Lily received six vaccines on Monday! When I read that schedule in some of my parenting books I was a bit freaked out. I couldn't imagine my little girl getting SIX shots. I really was nervous about her short term reactions (pain, fever, fussiness, etc.). I just hate to see her suffer and couldn't stand the thought of putting her through that. Going into the appointment I was quite apprehensive. It didn't help that I ran into a friend there who's son had just received his four month vaccines and was screaming his head off. Still, for Lily's sake and to keep face with the pediatrician, I tried to remain calm.

Luckily, it was not nearly as bad as I had feared. For one thing one of the immunizations (rotavirus) is an oral vaccine, and several of the others are combined, so it was actually only three shots. Amazingly, the two nurses who came in to give them were able to give all three at one time, so Lily only had one big scream. Granted, it was the biggest, breath caught, scream I've ever seen from her, but she recovered fairly quickly. She was only slightly fussy as we left the doctor.

Later that day she did seem to be a bit sore and would whimper and sort of cry every time I moved her, which was a bit sad. I spent much of the afternoon in my bed holding her and trying not to move too much. A dose of baby Tylenol helped and she has seemed fine ever since. Overall, it was not really that big of a deal. I'm starting to learn that I'm going to have to accept that there will be things that hurt her and times when she will be sad, but she and I will both survive!

The Pediatrician

All of my baby books tell me that it's important to interview potential pediatricians in the month before you baby is born. This is something of a foreign concept for me. Where we grew up, there were not a lot of options. You took your baby to the doctor the hospital or friends recommended. There was no interview process.

A few weeks ago I asked friends who live near me and have new babies who they go to and got a few recommendations. Then I did a little online research. It looked to me like University Pediatrics at Highgate was a good option. They are close to our house, have long office hours (8am - 8pm) and came recommended by several different friends, so I gave them a call last week to find out what I needed to do to get our daughter into their practice. They set up an appointment today for me to "meet and greet" the doctor I was most interested in.

After work today Josh and I went to meet her. I have to admit that Josh and I both felt a little awkward "interviewing" a doctor. This is just not something I am used to. I took the list of questions many of my books suggested and paired it down to the things that seemed most important to us. The doctor we met with was very nice and answered all of our questions. The only thing I wasn't thrilled with was that they don't do email with their patients, but I understand how they could be overwhelmed. They do have a nurse advice line that is available twenty-four hours a day and a doctor on call at any time, which is great.

We found out what we needed to do to get her in the practice, which was actually really easy since they are both part of the UNC group. We have a pediatrician. A part of me feels bad not interviewing numerous people until I find someone perfect, but I also feel pretty confident that they will take good care of our little girl.

Our Story

Josh and I decided that we wanted to start a family in June of 2007. It has been a long journey with lots of ups and downs, but on January 16th we found out we were pregnant! I decided a blog would be a good way to keep track of my pregnancy. I'll give the somewhat abbreviated version of our history here, just so you know how this all started.

In June of 2007 and took my last birth control pill. At that point we were really naive and positive we would get pregnant the very next month! In July we went on vacation to Williamsburg and Ocracoke and were sure that during that time we would get pregnant. We didn't. Months started to go by and many of our friends (five in fact) got pregnant. We didn't. I was starting to get frustrated and feel like something might be wrong, but Josh was steadfast and sure it would happen "next month". I did some ovulation prediction kits and began taking my basal body temperature. My cycle had always been very normal and these both indicated that I was ovulating every month. This was a good sign. That December I was about a week late. We were sure we were pregnant. We were at the beach with my family when my cycle started. We were heartbroken and vowed to "try harder" in January.

We must have done something right, because in January of 2008 we conceived. We were so excited. In February, I knew I was several days late, so I took a pregnancy test. It was negative, but I didn't give up hope. I had friends who had negative tests the first time. On Monday, February 11th, I took a test before work that was positive. We were both super excited and I felt like I was on cloud nine all day. That very afternoon I went to the doctor to get confirmation. Sure enough, I was pregnant. It almost didn't feel real because I had no symptoms. We immediately began telling all of our friends. That weekend, for Valentines day, we went home and told our families. Everyone was very excited for us.

The whole time of the pregnancy, I kept telling Josh it didn't seem real because I wasn't having any symptoms. My friends all just told me I was lucky. On Sunday February 24th I noticed I was having a little spotting. This freaked me out and I made a doctor appointment for Monday. On Monday the doctor sent us for an ultrasound just to make sure everything was okay. Josh was with me and we got to see the baby moving and hear a heart beat. That was very encouraging, but later that day I began to have heavy bleeding an cramping. Two days later it was confirmed that I did have a miscarriage.

To say we were disappointed was an understatement. We were crushed. It was especially hard because I was in the process of planning baby showers for two of my good friends. I'm sure I went through a state of depression and Josh probably did too. We were lucky to have quite a few friends who had gone through the same thing and who were a great encouragement to us during this time and we vowed to get back to trying right away.

Needless to say, "right away" stretched into almost two years. I was somewhat opposed to medical intervention, but during that time I became frustrated and began seeing a reproductive endocrinologist. I had a lot of different tests. I had slightly increased prolactin level which lead to an MRI only to find out that my level wasn't really very high and I probably didn't need the MRI. In July of 2009 I had an HSG (which was torture by the way) which showed I potentially had a blocked fallopian tube. The only way to know for sure was endoscopic surgery. I wasn't ready to go through that yet and we were trying to sell our house and move, so we decided to take a break from all the baby stuff until after the first of the year. We agreed that in January of 2010 we would start medical interventions.

So, in January we had planned to begin trying taking clomid and possibly IUI. We were just waiting for my cycle so we could get started. Day 32 rolled around and I still had no signs of my cycle starting. All day on day 33, January 16th, I felt crazy and kept wondering if we might be pregnant. Josh encouraged me to take a pregnancy test, "just so we would know". At the last minute we ran to Target to get a test. I was sure that it would be negative, especially since I wasn't really that late yet. The second I took it, it was very positive. We were both in a state of disbelief.

We had planned to go out to dinner that with some friends at Magnolia Grill in Durham. These are some of our closest friends and we decided right away that we were so excited we had to tell them. Plus they would wonder why I didn't have wine with dinner. That night when we got home I was excited, but also a little nervous. In all of my past experiences, being pregnant hasn't worked out. What if that happens again? We decided not to tell our families or too many co-workers right away. The next day I emailed my reproductive endocrinologist and told her I was pregnant. She was very happy for us and scheduled us for an Ultrasound at 8 weeks. That's Monday! :)