One Year Old!

I can not believe that my little darling is a year old. Time really does fly by. I have to admit that we aren't doing anything special for her actual birthday. Don't get me wrong, we are having a party (a small one for family and closest friends), and I'm sure she'll have presents, and my friend Star is coming this weekend to do pictures, but today, on her birthday, I have no plans.

Things have just been crazy busy, and Josh has been out of town, and this week, ok...to be honest, all weeks...at work has been stressful. My only solace is that she has no idea what is going on!

Miss Independent

My daughter is very independent. Sometimes this makes me proud. Sometimes it makes me sad. Seriously, I am glad that she can entertain herself. I'm glad that she isn't clingy to Josh and I and doesn't get upset with a sitter or in the church nursery. I'm glad we can have adult meals and she can sit in her high chair and feed herself. I'm glad she can give herself her bottle and fall asleep on her own. I know these are all good things and skills that will help her be a well adjusted grown up.

I also know that some of this is a phase and that she is just so busy exploring and enjoying the world, now that she can, that she doesn't have time for cuddling. Part of me realizes I'm going to really appreciate her independence in a few months when #2 arrives and I'm going to be busy meeting all of her (I'm going with her for now...we find out October 11th) needs.

Still, sometimes it's hard on a mom. It wasn't that long ago that she needed me for everything. I think that not nursing her any more is what really has been tough on me. That was sort of our quiet, special, close time. She doesn't really need me to play with her. She does like to have you near by when she is playing, but doesn't really want you to read her books to her or play with the toys for her. She doesn't need you to go up and down the stairs...she can do it! Now, she doesn't even let me hold the bottle or lay back and snuggle when taking it (unless she is really sleepy). She wants to sit up where she can see what is going on. I miss those sweet cuddly days!

I blame all of this on her father! Josh's parents say he was exactly the same way from an early age. I guess I haven't asked my mom about me. We both are fairly independent adults. Hmmm...I guess it remains to be seen, but I sort of hope #2 is a cuddler!

The Fall

Well, it happened. Lily had a fairly serious fall....a fall that necessitated the boo boo bunny...a fall that made me feel like a totally crappy mom.

I was changing her tonight on her changing table. She was standing up and leaning against me as I unsnapped her onsie, when she lunged to the side and toppled off the table. I grabbed for her on the way down and sort of slowed the fall, but only managed to grab her diaper, which tore. She landed sort of on her side mostly on the carpet, but her cheek hit the wooden rocking horse that sits in her room.

As she was tumbling (which seemed to happen very slowly) I yelled for Josh, who came rushing up the stairs. I honestly think my reaction scared her more than she was actually hurt. She was crying fairly hard, though, which made me pretty worried. After a preliminary examination, though, it appeared that she only had a bruise on her cheek, but I sent Josh after the boo boo bunny.

By the time he got back upstairs, she was mostly calm. She would NOT let us hold that cute bunny covered ice cube on her (does that thing work as they get older?). Instead, she wanted to lick it! I debated whether it was worth making her mad to try to ice the bruising spot, but since it didn't appear to be swelling, I decided against it. Josh and I both checked her over pretty good and I think the worst of it is going to be a bruise the size of a quarter on her cheek.

At this point, after all the drama was over, and we were all sitting in the floor playing, I began to cry. I just felt so bad about letting her fall. I should have made her sit or lie down while I was undressing her. I should have had a better hold on her. I think I've gotten a bit complacent and give her more credit for balance and stability than she deserves. You can bet I'll be more careful from now on!

Pumpkin Spice Lattes Make Me Cry

Yesterday I had my first pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks in over year and cried all the way to work! You may think that is a little extreme and I'm sure it's a little hormonal, but the last time I had a pumpkin spice latte I was in the hospital having Lily. That week, in fact, in the hospital, I had two. The first was the morning of my induction. We had gone into the hospital the night before and woke hungry but not wanting any of the hospital food. I sent Josh to the hospital Starbucks and he came back with a bagel and my first every pumpkin spice latte (decaf of course!). It was delicious.

The second was the morning we left the hospital to bring Lily home. We had a very rough night in the NICU sleep room having a sleepless baby all to ourselves for the first time and paranoid that something would go wrong now that she was disconnected from all of her monitors. Josh again ran to the Starbucks and returned with a bagel and pumpkin spice latte (I was hooked). They accidentally made two caf, so he had to get a third in decaf (for me for free), and we shared the extra caf one with one of our amazing doctors.

Those first days of Lily's life are packed with an amazing myriad of emotions. The fear and disappointment of learning I was going to have to be induced. The drama and pain of labor and delivery. The joy and excitement at her arrival. The anxiety when she was taken to the NICU. The frustration over not having her with us and not being able to nurse her right away. The beauty of those first few moments when we did get to hold her and I got to nurse her. The shock of that first night in the sleep room where we realized we were totally responsible. The relief and excitement as we left the hospital to bring her home to our house as a family. It was by far, the most emotionally charged few day of my life, and it's funny how the tastes and smells of the one hot beverage can bring all of that pouring back.

As we start to think about the arrival of baby number two, I have to admit that I'm a little nervous. I'm just not sure I'm ready to go through all of that again. I pray, and I ask that you pray, that this arrival will be a bit less dramatic than the first!