Feeding Lily

Can I just say how much I love nursing Lily! It was not easy at first. Sore nipples and her lack of weight gain almost made me give it up, but I am eternally grateful that I didn't. Now that I'm back at work, it is such a special time for us to share each morning before I leave for work and a great way to reconnect when I get home. I do truly treasure each opportunity to nurse her. (Mr.Sophie even likes to be part of this special family time!)

The flip side of feeding her now that I'm back at work is the pumping. I am very fortunate that a friend who is out on leave has let me use her office. It is really a perfect spot because it is close to my room, off the busy student halls, and pretty private. The first few times I was there pumping I was quite self conscious about the sound of the pump and the fact that the door wouldn't lock me in. I was also disappointed with how little I was able to pump. After a few times I figured out that I could put a chair in front of the door to insure a bit more security and watch hulu on my computer to cover any sound. Surprisingly, or not maybe not so surprisingly, I began to be able to pump more. Now I'm pretty much able to pump enough to cover what she eats in a day.

I'm sure that in some ways it would be easier to give her formula, but, for me, the extra effort is totally worth it!

A Rough Week

My first week back to work was great and I was glad to be back. This week, however was pretty rough. Last week I got to go home right after school and had Lily in my arms by 3:45 every day. This week I had to stay after school for parent conferences until 6pm on Tuesday. Had a late faculty meeting until 5pm on Wednesday, and had to go to a doctor appointment after work on Thursday. Throw in my nanny's son getting hurt at school and Josh having to be at work early on Friday and this week turned into a scheduling nightmare.

I don't like disorder or change of routine. I hated being away from Lily so much. I began to doubt that returning to work was really what I wanted to do. I cried more than once including about an hour long mid-day stretch on Tuesday because I just didn't know what to do. I felt like a bad mom and a bad teacher because I knew that neither was getting all of me because I was worried about the other. Now that we are past it, I can look back and see that everything worked out just fine, and Lily probably hardly noticed, but at the time it was really tough. For now I'll just celebrate the weekend and pray that weeks like this are few and far between.


P.S. It's almost 10pm on Saturday and I just really realized that yesterday was Lily's four month birthday...they are seriously coming too fast!

Lily Rolled Over!

Today Lily was playing on her play mat. She was making cute sounds, so Josh ran to grab our flip cam. Amazingly, while we were filming, she rolled over for the first time completely on her own! She was super cute and "celebrated" with me like she knew she had done something important. We caught the whole thing on film! It was a serious parenting WIN! :)

Back to Work

Well, I survived the first week back at work. Tuesday was my first day back to work and it went surprisingly well. Getting out the door that morning was a bit rough. Lily unexpectedly woke up at 5am and I had to feed her. I had just gotten back to sleep when my alarm went off at 6. I did not want to get out of bed. After a couple of snoozes (I'm a snooze button junkie) I got up and got myself ready. Then I had a dilemma. Do I wake the baby now (at 7) after just two hours of sleep to feed her before I leave? Do I not and let Josh give her a bottle around 8? I can't pump until 11, what about my overabundance of milk?

In my emotional state, the stress of making this decision almost pushed me over the edge. There were some tears, but my wonderful husband reminded me that there really wasn't a wrong decision and I chose to wake her up. I think it was the right decision because it was really nice to get that sweet time with her before I had to leave. Putting her down was a bit tough and there were a few more tears as I got the last of my things together to head out the door.

In the car I had to switch from the sappy Country radio to Bob and the Showgram to keep me from tearing up again, but I managed, and once I actually got to school I was fine. The students were all excited to have me back, which was nice, and I have so much to do to get back in the swing that I didn't hardly have time to think about what was going on at home.

Of course I did call and text to check in, but, as usually, Lily did great. A bit short on the naps, but good overall. The pumping at work was a bit disappointing as I didn't get as much milk as I would have liked, but I hope that will get better as my body gets used to the new pattern. At the end of the day, I hightaled it out of there right behind the buses and was home just before 4. Lily was happy to see me and ready to eat...perfect!

The rest of the week went smoother. She took better naps and I was able to pump more. I didn't even have any more tears. We both seem to be settling into a new normal routine.

Tummy Time

Lily is not really one for much tummy time. She love to lay on her back, and isn't a big fan of being held too much, but she tends to squirm and fuss when I put her on her tummy. All the books, however, say that it's essential for them to develop their core muscles needed for rolling over and crawling.

I think part of the problem is that with our hardwood floors there wasn't really a convenient spot to lay her down downstairs, thus I didn't give her a ton of tummy time when she was really young. In an attempt to create a downstairs play spot, I purchased this pinwheel playmat for her. She love it...on her back. She will lay on her back on it for long periods of time. She's even gotten to the point that she'll roll onto her side so she can grab the ears or rings and see the designs. She'll even spend more time on her tummy. Not a lot of time, but more time than before.

This past week she has almost rolled over on the mat several times. She will roll from her back to her side and even get her leg over, but can't quiet get her shoulders to cooperate. At one point Josh helped her by rolling her over to her stomach and using the momentum he helped her with she kept right on going back over to her back. I think we are getting very close to having a rolling baby!

Last Day to Vote!

Today is the last day to vote for Lily in the Parents Magazine Kid of the week contest. She is currently in 58th place out of thousands, but this proud momma thinks she should be #1! Please Vote!

You don't need to sign up for anything to vote. Simply click the link below, click vote for me below the adorable picture, and enter the confirmation code to prove you are a real person!

http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/670127

Snow Days

Ok...so I know these don't really count as snow days since I'm not even really back at work yet, but I have to say that I've really relished these last days home with little Lily. They seem like extra little stolen bits of wonderfulness! You see, Tuesday was supposed to be our first day with her new nanny. She was going to come and spend the day shadowing us to get a feel for Lily's routine. Then today I was going to leave Lily with her and go out for part of the day. *

As much as I know I have to go back to work. As much as I think it will probably be good for me to go back to work. As much as I know that Lily will be well taken care of. I dreaded Tuesday coming. When I got the two calls that told me school was canceled Tuesday and today, which meant our nanny would be with her kids, not coming here, I rejoiced.

Lily and I have spent the last two days at home enjoying each other. Yesterday we went back to sleep after her morning feeding and didn't even get out of our pajamas all day. We have had extra snuggle time and even took a nap curled up together in my bed. We've been able to establish a good eating and sleeping schedule, and had lots of fun play time. She has been a super happy, smiley, and talkative baby, and I've loved every minute of it.

I sit here writing this with Lily on my lap and tears streaming down my face. These two extra days have been a real blessing, but I'm afraid they are making this even harder by prolonging the inevitable. I just have to hope that there are a few more snow days before this winter is over!

*This photo was taken of Lily's first snow a few weeks before Christmas. This most recent one was not nearly as pretty.

Lily's Photo Contest!

I feel a little vain even asking for this, but last week I submitted some photos of Lily to Parents magazine's kid of the week contest. She is so darn cute. I just couldn't resist! One of my favorite photos was chosen, so...VOTE FOR LILY!

http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/670127

You can vote every day this week, so please come back and vote again tomorrow.

Leaving Lily Part 3

Success...On Friday night Josh and I joined some friends for a double date! It was the first time I've left her with a sitter and actually really enjoyed myself and not worried about her at all. I will admit that I thought about her a time or two, but I wasn't really worried. Perhaps it was the good company, good food, and good wine. Perhaps it was that I knew she was in good hands.

The friends 13 year old daughter volunteered to watch Lily while we were out. She is the most responsible 13 year old I know and she is wonderful with the babies, but I have to admit that I was a little nervous about leaving Lily with someone so young. I was thrilled when my friend Sarah volunteered to stay with the girls as well. Sarah has been around Lily quite a bit and is one of the "baby whisperers" who is able to easily soothe her or put her to sleep. I knew that between the two of them, Lily would be totally fine.

All of this has got me thinking that I might actually enjoy and look forward to leaving her sometimes. In fact, the last two times I've tried to take her shopping have been less than successful. She is getting to the point that she is no longer content to just sit or sleep in her stroller. I used to be able to take her out when she was sleepy and count on her sleeping in the stroller. Now, she fights sleep in the stroller and gets fussy. I've resorted to carrying her while pushing the stroller which makes shopping virtually impossible.

Don't get me wrong. I still sort of have a dread of leaving her, but perhaps babysitters might be my new best friends!

Returning to Work

I've been working on this post ever since our return from the holidays, but, to be honest, it makes me upset every time I sit down to write it, so it's taken a while to publish.

I am absolutely dreading returning to work. There...I said it, well, wrote it.

Don't get me wrong. I totally miss teaching. I miss my students. I miss the people I work with. I miss lesson planning (I can't say I miss grading). It has been hard for me to trust someone else with my classes. If I could go to work and take Lily with me, I'd go tomorrow.

What I dread is the leaving her behind. I just can't imagine going through a day without feeding her every few hours or napping with her on me on the couch. I've gotten so accustom to having her with me wherever I go, I feel like there will be a void without her. I also know that part of this is my acknowledged control freak tendency. I know part of me feels like I am the only one who knows how to take care of her. Logically, I know that isn't true, but every time I think about it, I cry.

I know that she will be taken care of. I know that we are incredibly lucky to have in home care by a friend we trust. I know that as a teacher my day ends fairly early and I'll have a lot of time home with her. I know that I'll have Spring break, and Summer, and hopefully some snow days. Yet somehow none of this helps the way I feel every time I think about it.

Just this past week I've had the opportunity to talk to several other working moms, and they've all said the same thing. It is hard, but the anticipation of it is worse than the reality. They said that after a few days you get used to the new reality, and you are busy with work, and you don't worry as much. With only nine days until I go back, I sincerely hope that they are right!

Baby Toupees - Hilarious!

I was hanging out with some friends the other day who have a one month old son. The dad was lamenting the fact that he is loosing all of the hair on top of his head. Lily is also getting a rather large bald spot on the back of her head. From what I hear this is totally normal and at some point they will have normal hair growth again.

This dad, however doesn't want his son to have "male pattern baldness" and was even debating cutting the rest of his hair so he doesn't have a bald spot. Not to worry though...there is a better solution. Baby Toupees! I'm not kidding...check out this site...it's hilarious.

I think Lily could really rock the Lil Kim!

They Grow Up So Fast!

Just this past week, Lily turned three months old. As I believe I've mentioned before, the passing of time is a strange thing. Sometimes it seems like she has always been with us, and sometimes it surprises me how much time has passed.

It's funny, but now she seems to be getting bigger and heavier almost every day. When I look back at pictures of me holding her those first few weeks she seems so tiny and fragile. Now she is a strong hearty girl. She holds her head up and has started to smile and laugh in delight. It is precious and I love to see how she is learning and exploring now.

But I have to admit that I am quite sentimental and a bit sad about her "growing up" so fast. Yesterday I packed away most of her three month clothes because she is too big for them. (Well, I should say she is to long for them. Many of them would still fit around, but her little legs can't stretch out in anything with feet!) It made me tear up a little. I love her in those little clothes, just like I loved her in her newborn clothes and it seems like she hardly wore any of them. It simply amazes me how fast they grow!

Look at the pictures below. You'll notice that in the first two pictures the baby is cuddled up against me, and in the second two she is looking up at me, but in the last, and most recent one, she is facing out as if watching the world...sigh!

I know this might sound crazy, but I'm already missing the newborn days and starting to think about having another little one. I always thought I would want a boy next to round things out, but I'm starting to see how nice it would be to have another little girl. Who knows, maybe by this time in a year or two there'll be another little girl to wear all of those cute clothes!

Look at that growing baby!

1 week

3 weeks

5 weeks

8 weeks

12 weeks